Fwd: EPISODE 159 SO I DECIDED TO HELP MARJORIE…AND THAT WAS A BIG DECISION

Begin forwarded message:

From: ALAN SKEOCH <alan.skeoch@rogers.com>

Subject: EPISODE 158 SO I DECIDED TO HELP MARJORIE…AND THAT WAS A BIG DECISION

Date: November 5, 2020 at 9:31:56 AM EST

To: Marjorie Skeoch <marjorieskeoch@gmail.com>, Alan Skeoch <alan.skeoch@rogers.com>, John Wardle <john.t.wardle@gmail.com>

EPISODE 159   SO I DECIDED TO HELP MARJORIE…AND THAT WAS A BIG DECISION

alan skeoch

Nov.  2020

The newspaper and a cup of coffee take my full attention every morning.  First, I read the lonely hearts

column.  No particular reason.  Perhaps because the column is on the back page which is easier to 

read than taking all the effort of opening the newspaper and finding the editorial page which always

features a political cartoon.   After that I may  or may not continue with the paper providing my coffee

cup is not empty.   If I wait a bit Marjorie will make proper coffee whereas my choice is speedy coffee

with those little plastic cups

Today was different.  I never got beyond the lonely hearts column.  A woman wrote a long letter

complaining about her husband’s laziness while they are on the Covid 19 lockdown.  She is  at

the breaking point.  He does noting to help ever since he lost his job due to the virus.  He just 

parks himself in front of the TV all day.  Does nothing.  She vacuums right in front of him.  He doesn’t

move.  She does the washing… replaces the sheets, finds the used clothing, pushes the button.  He just

sits there.   She makes the meals, washes the dishes…”he doesn’t even help to dry a pot.”

As I read this litany of complaints I began to think.  Marjorie does the vacuuming, makes the meals, washes

the dishes, puts the dishes away, does the shopping, 

changes the sheets, washes my socks, ….in short I realized Marjorie does it all.  Me?  I read the

lonely hearts column and amuse myself with the political cartoon before I spend an hour or two

writing these Episodes for you…yes, for you lazy creatures who probably have a wife like mine.

Lucky for us.  Lucky we married multi-taskers.

Then I began to feel a bit guilty.  Unusual for me for I am a positive type person.  Marjorie is still

in bed.  She stayed up until 4 a.m. watching the horror show that never ends in the United States.

My guilt got over powering.  “I can do something to help, I suppose.  I can put the dishes away

in the cupboard from the dishwasher.”

Which is exactly what I did.  Cups, plates, bowls, even the knives, forks and spoons.  I put them

away.  Perhaps not as neatly as Marjorie.  Bit of a pain in the ass to sort the cutlery so I just

piled it in the cutlery drawer. 

She is still in bed. “What about my second cup of coffee?  I will have to make it myself. Yuck!”

So, I reached in the cupboard to grab a clean cup and was immediately a bit shocked. The

clean cup was not clean.  It had a brown coffee stain in the bottom.  I had just replaced it

from the dishwasher…was the machine broken?  The problem was bigger than I imagined.

I had taken all the dirty dishes and cutlery out of the dishwasher and put them all away

in the cupboard.  Let me say this again.  Dirty dishes in the cupboard.  Now I will have 

to take them all out and put them back in the dishwasher.  That is not an easy job.  Double

the work.

What then?  I will have to start the dishwasher.  Push the right button.  What button?

I am left handed so the buttons confuse me.  Great excuse that I use all the time. I do

not know how to do the following tasks…do not know which button to push on the washing

machine, the clothes drying machine, the TV…hell, I do not even know how to start

the lawn mower.  Feigned ignorance has served me well for sixty years.   

When we were first married Marjorie said “stay out of the kitchen, Alan”  and I have 

faithfully followed that command.  Until this morning.  Oh, the labour is too much.

…the effort, double effort, Putting dishes back in the dishwasher before Marjorie gets up.

My sole achievement is putting the little plastic cup in the coffee maker.  Even that

is a trial because some days the machine needs water.

I went back to the newspaper.  “Who wrote that complaint?  Couldn’t be Marjorie…or could  it?”  

I dared not read the advice section so I turned back to the political 

cartoon and settled myself comfortably in the big chair.

“Marjorie, are you awake yet?  You will never guess what I did this morning.”

She would never guess.

alan skeoch

Nov. 2020

That is Woody, our dog, on the front lawn.  On nice days like this I put a lawn

chair beside him and soak in the sunshine.  Marjorie”?  You cannot see her

from this angle.  She is down in the ditch mowing the lawn.  Why do I not help?

I have tried.  She says I do not do a good enough job.  “I may as well do it myself.”

I am not all bad…bought her the lawn mower after all.

Putting that new lawn mower from the big box to the lawn was a lot of effort.  Then I had to figure how to put the wheels

on.  Marjorie figured that out.

“Marjorie, there is no water in the coffee machine.”