EPISODE 592 “TEN MARRIAGE LICENCES HAVE DISAPPEARED, ALAN’

EPISODE 592 : “Ten marriage licences have disappeared, alan!”

alan skeoch\may 31, 20022

THE GREAT SEAL OF ONTARIO…SOLID SILVER

My first big job. Why should you be interested in this story? Well, maybe it will

trigger thoughts of your first job. Or maybe it will be so self serving that you

will be disgusted with this 582nd Episode in my Covid 19 diary. I will try

to be self deprecating and hopefully avoid self inflating arrogance. Credit to authors

of I Whistle a Happy Tune.

MY FIRST BIG TIME JOB

“Alan, how woulld you like a summer job?”

“And everyday job?”

“Yes, a very important job.”

“How come?”

“Vic Couling phoned and says there is an opening at Queen’s Park for an office boy.”

“In a Park….ad office boy in park. Sounds weird.”

“The job is in the Ontario Parliament building in Queen’s Park.”

“No sunshine there.”

“I already told Vi Couling you would take the job.”

“Can I get tp Queen’s Park on my bike, mom?”

“You can try…long way though.”

Ontario Legislative Building At Queens Park In Toronto Canada Stock Photo - Download Image Now - iStock

IN 1953, RJ CUDNEY’S OFFICE WAS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE DOORWAY TO

THE PARLIAMENT BUILDINGS. MY LITTLE OFFICE WAS ON THE LEFT SIDE OF

THAT GRAND OPENING. MADE ME FEEL IMPORTANT.

I was 13 years old. Just finished Grade 8 at Runnymede Public School and heading

for Grade 9 at Humberside. Just a kid. My job that summer was very important.

“Alan, you will be handling the Great Seal of Ontario. Pressing the seal on important documents…

And pressing seals on Ontario marriage licenses. And you will press the hot wax seal on all Letters Patent

and in addition all letters of congratulation for senior citizens.”

The Great seal of Ontario…solid silver, large as a tea plate

Holy Samoley, I thought, this is big time. My boss was R.J. Cudney, then Deputy Provincial

Secretary for the Government of Ontario. A very reserved, impeccably dressed, dignified, and

super busy man. His office was on the left side of the Parl’t Bjuildings. My tiny office was on

the right. Smack dab in the heart of Queen’s Park.

I found a stick of the sealing wax I used on Letters {agent….and special notes to my grandmother Freeman on the Fifth Line of Erin Twp.

Wax seals cracked wth age unless quickly framed.

The seal used on marriage licenses. Hard to forget that seal.

Took the job seriously. Handling the Great Seal of Ontario was a serious task. No one got

married that summer of 1953 without me pressing the Seal in their marriage licence.

No company got incorporated without me weaving a deep blue ribbon in the top left corner

and then dropping hot red wax and pressing a tiny seal on the ribbons. Really fancy job which

I took very seriously.

I also did some blank documents with the seals

on them which I mailed often to my grandmother and grandfather

on their farm. Grandma loved getting these illicit documents. “The mail man thinks we are

very important people when he saw the blue ribbon inside the

envelope from Queen’s Park.”

GETTING DOORED ON ST. GEORGE STREET…NOT PLEASANT.

And each day it would take me an hour to cycle from West Toronto to my new office

Found a bunch of side streets with less rush hour traffic. Never late. Tried to be

dependable. I felt very important.

St . George Street could not be avoided, unfortunately. Especially during 5 pm rush hour. Dangerous

because no one expected a 13 year old boy on a Humber Sports three geared racer to

be driving along in the gutter. What if someone opened the passenger door? Well, someone did.

A woman. The half open door was like a guillotine. I was ‘doored’. My left shoulder

took the impact as I tumbled under the car. The woman said, “Are you hurt?” Bravely and falsely

I said. “No, I will be OK.” Not the truth. My left arm was just not right.. The door had severed my

clavicle. The woman did not care, really,. She asked the question with no real concern

and got away. Same with the driver…I was a delay. The traffic resumed. And I had to face

the problem of getting home with a broken clavicle…one armed.What to do? The music from the

King and I, Hollywood movie with Deborah Kerr and Yul Brinner helped a lot. I hummed and

sang:

“Whenever I feel afraid

I hold my head erect

And whistle a happy tune

So no one will suspect

I’m afraid”

If only I could get home. Mom would know what to do. Hoped no hospital involved .

But first I had to get home. My bike was a bit wobbly into the bargain. Mom got Dr. Greenaway to

harness me in a sling. “Broken but not dislocated. Be fine in a few weeks.” Recovery Took less time

than that because riding the streetcar to Queen’s Park was a bit of nightmare. Crowded

at rush hours. Cheek to jowl. Worse, it was leg to leg. One man pressed so tightly to me

that it felt like his hand was in my pocket. Stop. “His hand is in my pocket’” What to do about it.

If dad was with the pervert would get a quick fist to the jaw. Or worse. But I was alone and 13

years old. My first contact with a pervert. So I just jumped off the street car and caught the next.

In spite of being doored, it seemed safer on my bike than in a crowded street car.

What rush hour used to look like on the TTC

TTC rush hour crowd on Toronto subway in 1953…same thing on street cars

THE MISSING MARRIAGE LICENCES

I Think my arm, was still in a sling when Mr Cudney, called RJ behind his back, called me to

his office one morning. One of my duties was to fill his water thermos each day. The office

was big and dark with leather covered chairs and couches.

I thought he wanted to look at my arm. But I was wrong.

“Sit down, Alan, I would like to ask you a serious question.”

“yes sir.”

“There are ten marriage licences missing. These are serious documents. Did you

by chance mislay them?

“No sir, I did not.” Did RJ know I had sent blank notes to grandma with the great seal?

“Tell me how you handle marriage licences.”

“They come in batches of 250 which I keep at my desk. When I need more I get

them from the Queen’s Printer office.”

“Each is numbered?”

“Yes.”

“Do you look at the numbers?”

“No.”

“So you would not notice a discrepancy.?”

“No sir, never thought about it.”

“I believe you son, but had to ask. I think the error was made in the numbering

system. A blip…skipped ten. “

(RJ looked at me…with a little guilt in his eyes.)

“I heard about your arm. Would it not be safer on the streetcar?”

(I kept my mouth shut. Did not tell RJ about the pervert’s hand in my pocket.}

“Later in the summer, I would like you to protect the Great Seal of Ontario at the CNE, Alan.

It will be a night job from 10 pm to 6 AM. “

(I was flattered. From suspicion to trust in one conversation.)

In 1953 the CNE grounds were packed with people. From midnight to 6 a.m. there was no one around except a wandering

security guard.

“Mom, the night job is really nice. I am the only person in the government

building except for the security man. In the centre they keep live examples of Ontario

wild life. and huge water tanks with live fish….big ones…Northern Pike and Lake Trout

all full-size. And one booth has an electric train with advertising on the cars. I am allowed

to test it . (At least I think so). But the best part mom are the rats. I hide behind a pillar and count

to fifty, then pop my head around the pillar. Rats! coloured…brown, black and beige. They see

me and dive into the holes in the open courtyard.”

”What about protecting the Great Seal Ontario.”

“Always keep my eye on it. Solid silver. Heavy.”

END…summer of 1953.

What would a 13 year old boy want with ten marriage licences>?

I wonder how many Ontario corporations know their letters patent were sealed by a 13 year old boy?

I wonder how many people married in the summer of 1953 know their marriage licence was made official

by 13 year boy ?

I wonder now many people know that the Great Seal of Ontario was guarded by a 13 year old boy?

I wonder what happened to those ten missing marriage licences? Useless because they were never sealed.

I wonder if the woman who ‘doored’ me felt guilty…or was it my own fault.

I wonder why that pervert wanted to put his hand in my pocket. Shudder!

I wonder how many 13 year old boys or girls ever were so trusted.

POST SCRPT

Lyrics

Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect I’m afraid

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows I’m afraid

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well

I whistle a happy tune
And every single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I’m not afraid

Make believe you’re brave
And the trick will take you far
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows I’m afraid

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well

I whistle a happy tune
And every single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I’m not afraid

Make believe you’re brave
And the trick will take you far
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Oscar Hammerstein Ii / Richard Rodgers

I Whistle a Happy Tune lyrics © Williamson Music

May 29, 2022August 30, 2022

EPISODE 591 one lone front…4 huge ponds…say it isn’t so!

episode 591 one lone front…four large ponds….say it isn’t so!

alan skeoch

May 29, 2022

Here we are at the end of May, year 2021. Four huge ponds and all I could find was this

one lone leopard frog. Each year I hope the frogs will return and the ponds become rich

in frog jelly about this time of year….and shortly rich in tadpole life. But so far

I have one lone front and fear the arrival of a blue heron who is an excellent fisherbrid

with a long stiletto beak. Which if another ooncern. I have only seen one blue heron

overflying our ponds. In the past there were many. This sixth extinction conversation is

getting $%$%^ frightening. (submit your own curse word)

And another thing. Woody our dog can swim in the ponds without fear of leeches. As can we. There are no leeches anymore.

Another strange thing. My one lone frog did not jump. It allowed me to get close for a picture.

Then it jumped when my camera got about 10 inches from its head. Not a very wise frog. Not

likely to survive I fear.

Am I the onel one to notice…the only person concerned about the rapid die off of frogs.? Not so. Scientist have

been concerned ever since Rachel Carson. Lots of articles. But no solution. Do not buy frogs

from pet stores and then release them in your pond. Spreads diseases of frogs. My brother, Eric, has

a tiny pond …bathtub size…distant from any other water source. And yet, the frogs found his pond

and thrived. Why not our four ponds? I have no idea.

Climate change may boost frog disease chytridiomycosis

By Richard Black
Environment correspondent, BBC News

Published: 12 August 2012

Image caption,

The Cuban tree frog is one of many species affected by the fungal disease chytridiomycosis

More changeable temperatures, a consequence of global warming, may be helping to abet the threat that a lethal fungal disease poses to frogs.

Scientists found that when temperatures vary unpredictably, frogs succumb faster to chytridiomycosis, which is killing amphibians around the world.

The animals’ immune systems appear to lose potency during unpredictable temperature shifts.

The research is published in Nature Climate Change journal.

Chytridiomycosis, caused by the parasitic fungus Batrachochytrium dendrobatidis (Bd), was identified only in 1998.

It affects frogs and their amphibian relatives – salamanders, and the worm-like caecilians – and has caused a number of species extinctions.

May 28, 2022August 30, 2022

EPISODE 590 JUST HOW MUCH DOES A NEW TRACTOR COST? MAY 28, 2022?

alan skeoch

may 28,2022

A STRANGE THyING HAPPENED ON THE FIFTH LINE TODAY. I was out at the farm mailbox looking at the

rocks we had removed from our 25 acre farm. Not really a farm. 25 acres is not a farm. As a matter of

fact 100 acres is no longer a farm. How many acres makes a farm these days? Anthony Acres, a large

commercial farm down the Fifth line rent 12,000 acres from landowners near the GTA. Now that is a farm.

Yes, 12,000 acres.

As I was thinking about the change in agriculture, I heard something thundering down the line.

A big JOhn Deere tractor with hydraulic rollers was passing. I took a fast picture.

The the strangest thing happened. The driver put on the brakes and backed up to where I was standing.

“Dp want a picture of yourself on the machine?”, he said. “You bet , I do.”

I climbed h ladder into the cab. The young man snapped my picture then continued his way down the

line to a field near Highway 7 that needed rolling to keep the stones from destroying the cylinder of

the combine next fall. Pushed the stones back down into the earth from whence they came. Delivered thousands of

years ago by the ice sheet that covered Ontario. Ice moves. Ice grinds rocks into boulders. Boulders into stones.

That set me to thinking. How much does a tractor like that cost? Really cost. The young farmer was not too

sure but ventured a figure of $200,00 dollars with attachments like the roller or a multi furrow plough or a stone picker.

He was correct. A 100 horsepower John Deere tractor costs somewhere between $100,000 to $150,000 dollar brand new.

Holy Samoley! Anthony Acres have several of these plus attachments and several combine harvesters. That is well over

a million dollars worth of farm machines. How do they ever make a profit?

They cannot make a profit buying farmland. So they do not even try. They rent land paying landowners about $90 an acre intent.

Just how much profit can a modern farmer expect … on a per acre basis? Not much.

EASTERN ONTARIO: It could take about 50 years for crops to pay for acre of land

on: February 13, 2020In: News

PEMBROKE — Some farmers say they will never see a profit from land purchases as the price of land is simply too high. However, some farmers are buying land as an investment, while others feel pressured to buy adjacent land.

According to OMAFRA estimates, operating expenses for an acre of corn would cost $518 to $544 per acre, depending on the tilling system. If the acre yielded 160 bushels and the corn was sold for $5 a bushel, a farmer could expect $256 to $282 in profit.

For soybeans, operating expenses could cost $265 to $288, said OMAFRA. Yielding 45 bu/ac sold at $11 a bushel would equal a $207 to $230 per acre profit. Those OMAFRA estimates include fungicides, insecticides, insurance and a bevy of other expenses, but do not include land rent or land purchasing.

If a farmer bought a piece of property at $12,000 an acre, and rotated only corn and soybeans, he would make almost $500 an acre every two years. It would take about 48 years for the corn and soybean profits to pay for the purchase.

Renfrew County farmer Darcy Smith purchased 230 acres at a reasonable rate from the bank last year after he put a bid on it. The land had been repossessed from another farmer. With land prices hovering around $6,500-$7,500 an acre in his area, that land would never pay for itself in a farmer’s lifetime, he said.

THIS 236 ACRE FARM near Hornby on the Fifth line has been empty for many years and is now for sale. It is highly unlikely that a

farmer will buy it. More likely a person with money will buy it in hope that it will increase in value. Speculator. Meanwhile Anthony

Acres may rent the land.

Here is a crop that has no value other than beauty in springtime. Dandelions.

alan

May 24, 2022August 30, 2022

EPISODE 589 THE HYDRO ONE TEAM ARRIVED AND CLEANED UP THE FIFTH LINE MAY24,2022

EPISODE 589 when the HYDRO ONE TEAM ARRIVED…..

alan skeoch

May 23,2022

THE TORNADO … TWO DAYS LATER.

This photo essay does not need many words. Hydro One crew took over

the Fifth Line just as we were getting ready with our machines to do so. There

is a difference in scale…a big difference.

WE ASSEMBLED OUR FLEET OF RESCUE MACHINES…

READY TO CLEAN UP THE MESS LEFT BY THE STORM.

THEN THE HYDRO ONE MEN ARRIVED…CHEERFULLY

SAID WE WERE NO LONGER NEEDED.

OUR SON ANDREW GOT HIS CHAINSAW AND BEGAN CUTTING UP THE BIG POPLAR THAT NEARLY BOPPED

MARJORIE AS SHE TRIED TO RESCUE HER TULIPS WHEN THE TORNADO HIT. SHE LOST THE

BATTLE AND GOT SOAKED TO THE SKIN AS SHE BATTLED THE 120 MPH WIND TRYING TO

REACH THE HOUSE WHERE WOODY AND I WAITED. WE WERE DRY. MALES ARE NOT AS STUPID AS SOME

PEOPLE THINK.

MIRACLE OF MIRACLES…AS ANDREW PEALED AWAY THE POPLAR BRANCHES HE REACHED THE

TULIP BED. IT WAS UNTOUCHED. THE GNARLED POPLAR BRANCHES ACTED AS A KIND OF CRADLE FOR THE TULIPS.

JUST THINK OF ALL THE OXYGEN WE HAVE LOST NOW THAT SO MANY OF OUR FIFTH LINE

TREES HAVE BEEN PUMMELLED TO DEATH. NO EXPLANATION NECESSARY REALLY. TREES EAT CO2 FOR THE CARBON AND THEN

RELEASE THE OXYGEN INTO THE ATMOSPHERE. WITHOUT TREES OUR LIVES WOULD BE

‘POOR, NASTY, BRUTISH AND SHORT’ AS THE PHILOSOPHER SAID. A STOLEN QUOTE.

“BORING!” SNUFFLED WOODY

THHIS IS WOODY….DEEP IN THOUGHT

WOODY CRAWLED INTO THE BACK SEAT OF THE TRUCK….SECURE AND SAFE…THINKING…HUMMING…

NOW WOODY HAD A SONG TO SNUFFLE ,,, ABOUT THE STORM

“WHENEVER I FEEL AFRAID

I HOLD MY NOSE ERECT

AND SNORT A HAPPY TUNE

SO NO ONE WILL SUSPET

I’M AFRAID.”

FIFTH LINE , ERIN TOWNSHIP, WELLINGTON COUNTY….FOUR DAYS LATER.

AFTER CLEARING THE TREES THAT BLOCKED THE FIFTH LINE WE WERE ALL

SURPRISED THAT THE GRAVEL ROAD LOOKED PERFECT….NOT A HINT OF

THE DESTRUCTION.

WHY IS THERE LITTLE EVIDENCE OF THIS HORRIFIC STORM?

BECAUSE THE CLEAN UP CREW … WITH THEIR IMMENSE VACUUM TRUCKS

CLEAN ThINGS UP…..CHEERFULLY.

May 22, 2022August 30, 2022

EPISODE 588 INSIDE A TORNADO…AND AFTERWARD, MAY 21, 2022

EPISODE 588 INSIDE A TORNADO….AND AFTERWARD, May 21, 2022

alan and marjorie and molly skeoch

may 21, 2022

“Marjorie, get the hell into the house now…tornado…TORNADO!”

“My tulips”

“To hell with your tulips…the dog and I are safe in the house…you are out there in a tornado…you are

worried about your goddamn tulips…”

“I’m soaked now…may as well move the truck away from the trees.”

“Marjorie, Woody and I are safe…you are in the eye of the storm…get in here.”

“Wind so strong…hard to walk…rain gusting with the wind…everything loose

is flying.”

“No power…dark as a dungeon in the house.:”

“What’s the rattle, sounds like an electrical short…dangerous…rattle sound..”

“Mouse…alive , caught with one paw in one trap…his tail in another…I’ll let him go.”

OUTSIDE THE WIND WAS ROARING LIKE THE MGM LION

INSIDE THE HOUSE WAS AS DARK AS NIGHT…NOISE WAS

FEARFUL OUTSIDE..STILLNESS INSIDE WAS OTHER WORLDLY.

“What can we do? Molly is alone down on the other farm mowing the lawn. In danger!”

“She will find safety in the barn.”

“Take the ETV down snd get her.”

“Wait until the storm eases a bit.”

THEN IT WAS OVER. NO SOUND. NO RAIN. NO WIND.

OUTSIDE WAS RUIN…HUGE TREES DOWN EVERYWHERE.

THE FIRST WE SAW WAS AN ANCIENT 70 FOOT POPLAR THAT

HAD FALLEN ON MARJORIE’S TULIPS…NARROWLY MISSING MARJORIE.

SHE NEVER HEARD A THING WICH IS LIKELY HOW 5 PEOPLE DIED IN THIS STORM.

“We did not hear this tree fall…missed the truck…but got Marjorie’s tulips…could have hit her”

FIVE PEOPLE WERE KILLED BY FALLING TREES IN THE MAY 31 ONTARIO TORNADO

“That tree fell just as you left the tulips, Marjorie.”

“Never heard a thing….only the sound of the wind roaring.”

‘Could have killed you”

“Short life for the tuiips.”

“Alan, go out to the road…looks like trouble out there.”

FIFTH LINE OF ERIN TOWNSHIP, WELLINGTON COUNTY, WAS NO LONGER

A ROAD. IT WAS A TANGLE OF HUGE TREES EVERYHERE WE LOOKED.

AND AMIDST THE TANGLE WERE THE POWER LINES. TWISTED LIKE SNAKES.

“The power line posts have shattered.”

“Lines are down all over….woven in a tangle in the trees.”

“Do not go near…could kill you.”

“Could…but power is off and the lines are broken…but could be live I guess.”

‘Alan, try to get to Molly on the other farm.”

“No rain, no wind now. But hydro wires ripped from posts by the falling trees…insulators

shattered….lines broken….dead line for hundreds of feet…broken at both ends.”

“Don’t do something stupid.”

“Call Andrew on cell phone…tell him to get up here fast.”

“How can he reach us? No way a truck can get here the road

is blocked by fallen trees everywhere we look.”

“I hear a chain saw going at Tim and Valerie Rock’s place.”

“Maybe they will cut our way through to 50 sidereal…tell Andy to try that route.”

“Forget about coming up the Fifth Line. I can see downed trees

as far as Fabers…past Kerrs…looks like a road was never there.”

Some people come alive when disaster happens.,,Molly and Marjorie for instance. (The rats! See them? A pair…made of rubber.)

It will take weeks to clear up the mess….

This giant spruce tree has survived a century…then was gone in an instant.

“This section of the power line had been ripped from the posts …both ends torn clear…no danger…but, even so, Andrew

was super careful.”

“Why do it?”

“Must get clear. Jaimie has had a serous heart operation … must have access to hospital if something

happens. Worried…really worried.”

The force of falling trees and hundred mph wind shattered the electrical insulators and ripped the electric wires into great swaths of

unattached wire curled around tree branches. The same was true on other roads. There was no way hydro crews

would reach us. So neighbours with chain saws and tractors and trucks with winches began to clear the debris.

One car at Valerie Rock’s farm was crushed. But no one near our section of the Fifth line was hurt.

Jim Costello, across the road from our farm, used his flatbed truck and chains to clear his maple tree

“Strange thing….our ancient oak and maple were untouched.”

“LOOK through the branches and leaves…look down the Fifth line…trees blocking the road at Saunders farm…and distantly

at Fabers farm as well. No way anyone could get through to our place.”

ON one side of the house, our farm looks intact. Lilacs greeting the rain. On the other side the giant poplar fell and

wiped out Marjorie’s tulips but missed three things….Marjorie, our truck, and the farm house. All is well.

Now here is something for readers to ponder. This is the last apple tree in what was once

Edward Freeman’s orchard. It clings to life by a fragment of trunk. .. it will

come down with a push. We have considered removing it for years. Can you explain

why this near dead tree survived when other healthy giant maples and sprue and

poplar did not?”

alan skeoch

May 21, 2022

May 21, 2022May 21, 2022

EPISODE 587 WHY NO EPISODES LATELY

EPISODES 587 WHY NO EPISODES LATELY

alan skeoch

May 21, 2022

Lots of reasons for the delay in episodes for those of you who read them.

Planting season is the big reason. Computer overload is another. Came misbehaviour.

End of my curling season. Sickness of friends. Got tractor and cultivator stuck in deep mud

at an uneasy angle and had to wait for Andrew to get it out…underground spring cause.

Too much research necessary on the Pebble Mine is another. Easy to

find excuses. But the episodes will return.

Meanwhile why don’t you count the clouds…airships of the line.

May 16, 2022May 16, 2022

EPISODE 583 CAMOUFLAGE … AND IPHONE DISTRACTION

EPISODE 583 CAMOUFLAGE

alan skeoch

May 16, 2022

I PHONES can be dangerous. In this case Kevin (eldest son) is totally unaware

that the wild grape vines he is about to harvest contains a dangerous

predator ready to scare the bejabbers out of him. I phones are dangerous

because they distract. In the long term…i.e. a thousand years of iPhone

there may be a mutation in our necks whereby we can only look down.

Think about that. What will we fail to see? Will that mutation spell the

end of human kind because we cannot see what is coming at us? Will we

fail to see the sunrise….the sunset…the sky? Silly, I know that.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Last week our grandson Jack took the first step in basic training

for the Canadian army. Adulthood. Leaving the nest. We do not know where that will lead him and

miss him dearly. It seems he feels the same because he wrote to

his sister Molly a very endearing letter which included this sentence.

“Molly, will you show Norman my picture often, I don’t want him to forget me.”

Who is Norman? Norman is their family dog. Will Norman remember Jack

when he sees Jack’s picture on an iPhone? Not sure of the answer.

Marjorie assures me the Norman will remember Jack forever. “There is no way

to get rid of a scent.”

alan

May 14, 2022May 14, 2022

EISODE 581 COTTAGE LIFE…NOT ALWAYS GLORIOUS

EPISODE 581 COTTAGE LIFE …NOT ALWAYS GLORIOUS

alan skeoch

may 13, 2022

NORTH BAY: SUMMER 1965

“Would you like to spend a couple of days at our cottage?”

“Sure.”

That invitation sounded great. A couple of days all to ourselves at

a Northern Ontario cottage. Visions of gin and tonic served on a sunny

wood deck with a northern lake stretched out below with a dock and

motor boat and arm sunny evenings with a campfire and marshmallows.

Well we discovered that cottage life is not all its trumped up to be.

The cottage was high above the lake. No deck. Really it was

a garage built under a canopy of pine, cedar and tag alder. Home

to a million blood consuming insects.

The safest place was inside the one room cottage. It was big enough

to park a car but not much more. Yes it was really a garage. Some itinerant

vandal had ripped the screening from the windows. To open them was to

invite the little blood consuming creatures in for dinner.

There was one bed. A place of safety as the sun settled and night

arrived That’s when the mice came out. Dozens of them scurrying

here and there as we snuggled down in our sleeping bag hoping

that no pregnant varmint had found the bag a good place to make

a nest for little creatures.

We did not sleep. Nights in the north can get cold. No stove in the

cottage unless a Coleman cooking stove would do. We got it going

But would the Coleman

consume all the oxygen and leave us to die? We made it

through the night OK. The thought of a nice swim in the morning

allowed us to put the negatives of cottage life aside.

Well. We were wrong. The lake was not a lake really. Swamp would

be a better term…It looked like

a lake and I suppose far out from shore it became a lake. But we

never reached the open water. The water weeds were as thick as

a tropical forest. And on the weeds were little slippery things called

leeches. And other squishy things that moved as we trod our

way out from shore. Perfect hideout for snapping turtles we decided.

What would happen if a bare foot appeared in front of a snapper’s mouth?

I got my camera…waded out to Marjorie and got

a good shot of the cottage we would never forget.

May 13, 2022May 13, 2022

EPISODE 580 “ANDREW PULLED ANOTHER STUNT TODAY” (TALE OF THE GUMBALL MACHINE, JULY 24, 1978)

alan skeoch

May 13,2022

“Andrew pulled another stunt today at the supermarket ,” wrote Marjorie way back in 1978

which we will call the Gumball caper. Let me try to put the story in the first person.

“Gumball machine over there.”

“Trust the supermarket to do that.”

“Mom?”…”Gumball?”

“No, Shopping fast today.”

(long pause while Marjorie shopped)

“Where is Andrew?”

“I called but he didn’t come….where is he?”

“Notice the crowd over there at the entrance….hope not Andrew in centre.”

“He is…got his hand stuck in the gumboil machine…”

“Didn’t put a quarter in….”

“Got his hand wedged up the gumball slot. Trying to reach the gumballs.”

“Andrew?”

“Hand got caught, Mom..still caught…these people are trying to help.”

(about ten people gathered around.)

“Does it hurt?”

“Sort of hurts”

How Many Gumballs Fit In The Gumball Machine? - Robert Kaplinsky

Picture of Monster Gumball machine…Not Andrew in picture but you can see how tempting

the size of the slot would be to a Guball thief. Never ever seen such a gumboil machine.

“Get the manager, Alan”

“Manager is away trying to phone the vending machine people.”

“Yaaa! This hurts, mom.”

“I know.”

“Tell Kevin (brother) to stop laughing at me, mom”

“Here comes the manager with a screw driver.”

“Twisting…smashing the gumball machine….only way to get his hand out.”

People gathered around. Most of them smiling. A few, however, were concerned about Andrew.

“There! Got his hand out at least.”

“Still part of the machine around his wrist.”

“Like a bracelet.”

“More like a handcuff.”

“Just one simple question, Andrew.”

:What, dad?”

“Did you manage to get a gumboil?

alan

Post script…Marjorie’s Note July 24, 1978

May 12, 2022May 12, 2022

EPISODE 583 “ALAN, DON’T DO IT! WE CAN Make ir….I think!”

Note from Alan: The story of the Pebble Mine is difficult. 127,000 pages and 1 million feet of diamond

drill core…and the young discoverer, Phil St . George, is hard to find….ignored in mine reports it seems.

So here is a short story. I am typing this note as the JD sprayer drags us along. Marjorie was right…when

she said “Don’t do it!”

EPISODE 583 “ALAN, DON’T DO IT!” “WE CAN MAKE IT…I think !”

alan skeoch

may 12,2022

“Quick Marjorie, get in the car.”

“Why?”

“I think we can slip beneath that John Deere sprayer.”

“No!”

“Too late, here we go….”

“Well, we did not make it…stuck…what will we do now?”

“Make a call to John Deere HQ”

“Why?”

“They must have had this problem before.”

“No one is as stupid as you.”

“Seemed like a good idea…”

“Dumb”

“Save on gas…let this giant spider drag us along.”

“Stupid is as stupid does….as Tom Hanks said.”