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“And how are you today?” ESCAPE

Subject: “and how are you today?” ESCAPE
Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2018 10:43:20 -0500
From: Alan Skeoch
To: Marjorie Skeoch

Some people are asking how am I managing. Well, I am doing fine. Really enjoying the calls from telemarketers…as you will see below. alan PHONE RINGING “HELLO,” Then …Somewhat garbled words then… “and how are you today?” “So glad you called. I have torn my Achillies tendon and have to wear this Boot. Let me describe it to you…gray plastic, velcro, risers…etc. etc. So nice to hear from you as I am alone with no one to talk to. You see, I fell a few weeks ago…down stairs…etc etc. And now I am sitting here in the house alone with snow outside, so glad to hear from you let me describe how I get dressed…etc. etc. How nice of you to ask “How am I today?” In addition I have a bit of a cold and am taking scotch whisky submerged in beer…etc etc. I wonder if you are free? I would dearly like a copy of Mr. Trump’s biography…Fire and something else in the title…etc. etc. Trump is a wonderful man…so nice to women…polite…and a bit of a sex fiend…etc. etc. Oh, and did I tell you about my new nightshirt? It got hooked on the bedpost and I tripped again. etc. etc. I am currently on the floor, being close to the ground is better for me but hard to get food, could you bring me …etc. etc. And please bring a big box of adult diapers. I need them because…. CLICK! OH dear, the telemarketer must have hung up. alan Kept that one on for 90 seconds…a record.

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MOM BOUND OUR FAMILY TOGETHER

Subject: MOM BOUND OUR FAMILY TOGETHER
Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2018 19:20:19 -0500
From: Alan Skeoch
To: Marjorie Skeoch

MOM BOUND OUR FAMILY TOGETHER
(I regret I never told her so)

alan skeoch
jan. 2018

Mom held  our family together.  If Dad  had been a single parent then Eric  and I would probably have been raised by Aunt Elizabeth or put in foster homes.  Not because Dad was a bad  man. He wasn’t.  He was  a legend in his own time. Charismatic in a twisted  way.  He just could not resist trying to grab the golden ring of the racetrack Merry Go Rounds.

After my latest story about Dad  I got several calls  and emails from friends who were horrified.  What we thought was normal was not normal I guess.
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Skeoch family time tunnel “GET ACTION, DO THINGS!’

Subject: Skeoch family time tunnel “GET ACTION, DO THINGS!’
Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2018 17:37:52 -0500
From: Alan Skeoch
To: Marjorie Skeoch
SKEOCH FAMILY ENTER A TIME MACHINE
GRAB THE MOMENT WHEN YOU CAN
Life offers all kinds of opportunities  to do  silly things. We  have always revelled in such.   Why?  Because the study of history engraved four words  into our memory bank.  Words  expressed by Teddy Roosevelt when he considered his life.  “Get Action, Do Things!”   No deep philosophy here but if I had to memorize something from his life then those four words seemed good and we, as a family, have tried  to follow that advice.
Hence the picture below.
alan skeoch
Jan. 2018
P.S.  I have no  admiration for Teddy Roosevelt really.  Why?  Because of his terrible fascination with guns and the shooting of wild animals.  Killing things is not my idea of ‘action’.   Making the most out of  life…now that is action that hurts no one.   And that is why those four words are so important to us.
Below is a  picture  we had  taken by a fun photographer on Centre Island when the boys were young and so photogenic.  We  had a lot of fun posing for this picture.  If you ever get such a chance, grab the opportunity.
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“YOU ARE A GODDAMN FOOL!” “DAD, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.”

Subject: YOU ARE A GODDAMN FOOL!” “DAD, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.”
Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2018 22:03:21 -0500
From: Alan Skeoch
To: Marjorie Skeoch

“YOU ARE A GODDAMN FOOL!”  “DAD, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.”

 DAD SPOKE IN OPPOSITES…IF HE LIKED SOMETHING, HE SAID IT WAS JUNK.  WHEN HE CALLED ME A DIMWIT, HE MEANT I WAS OK. NOT THAT I WAS GREAT…JUST OK.  WE LIKED THAT….NO SLOPPY SENTIMENTALITY.  NO KISSING AND  HUGGING.
alan skeoch
Jan. 2018
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DAD HITS THE DITCH WITH THE 1953 METEOR

DAD HITS THE DITCH…BLAMES  THE  ROAD
“Fix your goddamn road…hear me….FIX YOUR ROAD!!”
‘Red!  Red!  Be careful, you’re weaving all over the road.”
“have to miss the pot holes…could break a spring.  If that son of a  bitch would  fix  his road, I wouldn’t have play  Dodge ‘Em all the way to the farm.  FIX YOUR ROAD!!”
“Red! You Fathead!*  You’re off the road…Yiiiiii…we’re going to turn over in the swamp.”
“Get out ..  everybody out.”
“Elsie…get out my door….not yours”
“I can’t…I  cannot move.”
“Why not?”
“High heels have gone through the floorboards….pinned me here.”
“Take off your shoes…crawl out…not that way…boys can see top of your nylons…girdle clips…be more graceful can’t you?”
{*Calling Dad a Fathead  was the  closest Mom every got to swearing.  Dad made up for this lack  of obscenities however.}
“Slip up the road  and  get Frank or Ted to come down  to haul us out.”
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TARA … COONHOUND WITH PUPPIES

“Marjorie, the humane society just called, they have a black  and tan coonhound pup up here.   Needs a home.”
“Tell them to  Hold her for us.”
“Are you sure?  Coonhounds are hunting dogs.”
“They are so beautiful…affectionate,  loyal…shame to let that dog go too a gun lover.”
And so we  adopted our Tara.  She was absolutely stunning as a pup and as an adult.
Often men would stop to pet Tara…some even wanted us to give her up in hunting season.
“Black and  tan, eh?  Does she bugle?”
“Bugle?”
“Coonhounds Holler like  Louis Armstrong’s trumpet when they tree a raccoon.  Love that sound,?
“How is her nose?”
“Nose?”
“Black and tans are bred to hunt.  Sure not a  house  dog…traced back  to medieval times …to the Talbot Hound.  That hound  was mostly white back in the 16th century.  Some  were used to track  thieves  rather than small game.  Over here they were  bred  in the eastern mountains as great hunting dogs.  Once they get a scent, you  can
forget about getting them back. Best to follow the nose..the bugling… until they tree whatever they chase. Not a house dog.”
“But we  got Tara for the kids…for our house.  We do  not hunt. We hate guns and cannot understand  why hunters want to kill things.”
“Well you got yourselves the  wrong dog, that is for sure.  Better to give her away to a hunter.”
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SKATING DOWN THE ICE COVERED ROAD

MARJORIE  AND  KEVIN SKATING DOWN THE FIFTH LINE

There was a time  when the fifth line  was regularly ice covered  sometimes so thick and smooth that Marjorie and  Kevin skated from our farm right down  past Kerrs and on to Saunders, then Lietches and Fabers and onward. They could have reached Highway 7 easily. About two miles  of  ice covered road gently sloping south.

Continue reading “SKATING DOWN THE ICE COVERED ROAD”

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STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES: BARN BUILDING FIASCO

From: Alan Skeoch
Subject: Barn Building – a skill I seem to lack
Date: January 5, 2018 at 3:01:48 PM GMT-5
To: alanskeoch

STUPID  IS AS STUPID DOES:  A  HARD LESSON LEARNED  IN BARN BUILDING

alan skeoch
january 2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Marjorie, stand  beside the car…Pregnancy getting close to term…we  are going to have a  baby!”“Alan, when  the baby arrives you will have  to pay attention to other things.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning,  I will need help.”
“Right!  You can count on me.”
“We can  no longer pile farm equipment and planks on the roof rack.”
“Why not? The baby isn’t going be put on the roof rack, is it?
“Think…think…think, Alan.  Or is that too much to ask?
“Act like an adult for once  in your life.”
So that is when  the great idea came to mind…like  a flash of  lightning.