EPISODE 746: CAR STORY 4 “GET ME OUT OF THIS &%^$#@#$
Feb. 18, 2023
This car story
This does not look like a wilderness. It is a big clearing in the bush where there seems to have been a farm long ago
and the hay field is cropped still. The track is narrow. Rasy for our company Land Rover,,,and also our 53 Meteor
This car story
about the 53 meteor may not get by the email censors. I know that is true
for Aidan’s office in Ireland where bad language is filtered out.
But I will tell the story anyway. Perhaps reduce the foul language a bit. But those curse words
are so much a part of the story that I am reticent to be a censor.
So here goes:
The life of the 53 Meteor was coming to an end sadly. But not quite.
“Beautiful June day”
“Would be nice to go on a trip”
“Let’s do it. I would like you to see what my job is like….mining geophysics
means nothing until you see the field work.”
“Not unless you consider black flies dangerous.”
So mom, dad, Eric and marjorie piled in the 53 Meteor and we headed north east towards Kinmount.
Dad was a bit grumpy because he would miss a few horserace at Woodbine racetrack. But he came
We started on 4 lane highways, then two lane paved highways, then tailored gravel side roads…then
no road at all just a faint indication that a vehicle had pushed its way through the brush into
a deep dark forest. A bull moose rises its head and lumbered out of the way. This was wilderness.
Leafy branches slapped the windshield and bent the car aerial back. Mudholes. Deep ones that shook
the car. Filtered light. But the 53 Meteor was able to push its way through to a small clearing where
we had been testing our instruments before flying to a job in western Alaska. All very exciting to me
and I wanted the family to share my excitement.
“Goddamnit, Alan, you are going to wreck the car in this bastardly bush.”
Dad was was becoming a defence attorney for the 53 Meteor
who could only groan but not speak.
“Turn around, for “”@#$%$” sake.”
“Only place where we can turn is up ahead…that clearing.”
“You will wreck the goddamn car, Alan”
“Taking it slow.”
“Too goddamn slow…I want out of here now.”
“There is a track…just can’t see it.”
“You are nuts, Alan!”
“Here we are.”
“Here?…NOTHING HERE! JUST BUSH!”
“There is a magnetic anomaly deep under this topsoil.”
“So that is what we will be looking for under the Alaskan tundra. Now we know
the instruments work fine.”
Hunting Technical and Exploration Services were paying me $400
per month to criss cross a wilderness near the Bering Sea where there was
evidence of a huge mineralized anomaly. Dad was unimpressed.
“Too bad about the flies.”
“Too bad! TOO BAD! The little sons of bitches are drawing blood”
“Can’t be helped. Biting flies are a fact of life here and far worse in
Alaska I am told. Just have to tolerate them.”
“You are a fool, Alan…must love misery…
And that was when Dad came up with a ring of swear words that had
never been put together before. If you have a sensitive vocabulary then
do not read the next line. He was very creative …
“Turn the car around and get me out of this “g—————,s———————,b———— bush”
For that line Dad became famous.
Note: SECOND THOUGHT AMENDMENT: I did not quote his famous string of words. They may give a bad impression as they
did sometimes. Suffice it to say Dad never ever used the F word or any other suggestive
sexual term. He had principles that seem to be lost today.
End of story
PS The worst time for fly bites is from May 24 to early Jully. I should have
thought of that. Even mom was glad to get back in the car with the windows up.
This family outing had not been a good idea.
Let me apologize for the bad language. Did I have to use it? yes. The story
would not have deep meaning without Dad’s creativity. Without the use of strong
expletives the anomaly at Kinmount would be forgotten and the clouds of
flies would be left to torture the bull moose.
PPS A few years ago I was invited to speak to the U of T Women’s Club and decided
to recall Dad’s influence on Eric and me. One woman was overheard saying
“those poor boys”. We never felt that way. Actually we were a very happy family.
Dad provided lots of entertainment which made up for his lack of financial
support. Would we trade him for a more saintly father. Not a chance.
By the way, that speech was not well received by the U. of T women’s club.
Marjorie said “They will not invite you again” which seems to be true.