EPISODE 659 “MARJORIE ! HELP ME OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR”

On Oct 17, 2022, at 10:58 AM, ALAN SKEOCH <alan.skeoch@rogers.com> wrote:

EPISODE 659    “MARJORIE !  HELP ME GET OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR”

alan skeoch

Oct. 16,2022

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“Marjorie!   need help!  Slipped and fell on bathroom floor.  My good leg is under the bathtub.”

“Use your arms”

“Too weak..useless”

“What happened?”

“Just about got out of the bathtub.  Floor mat must have slipped and I tumbled.”

“Hurt?”

“No but trapped.  Arms and legs useless.  My good right leg under the tub.”

“Must be the antibiotic.”

HOW DID IT COME TO THIS….SPLAYED NUDE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR?

Started with a chipped tooth. Seemed minor problem just needed a filling,  Then my 

dentist said he should take an Xray to check for infection.

“Infection under the tooth’

“Choice?”

“Extraction will affect your appearance.”

“Other option?”

“Root Canal”

“Can you do the root canal now”

“Yes”

Seemed a good idea.  Vanity trumped extraction.  Two hours later it was done and seemed OK.

Some pain and sponginess but that would pass for sure.  Surely.  Well, it did not work and the  pain

increased.  Bearable but present.   

What followed were two nights watching the clock move slowly, minute by minute, hour by hour….

until daybreak.’

My dentist phoned to see how I was even on his day off.  

“Not good…tooth seems wobbly….cannot eat….cannot sleep…pull the bastard.

“Let me get you an antibiotic to kill the infection.”

“Is it dangerous?”

“Common.  Amoxicillin’

GOD that stuff is strong.  Three pills with food, three time a day. Pretty well knocked me

out.  So I spent the next two days in bed.  Scrambling occasionally to the washroom.

I did not realize how weak I was getting until I fell to the floor on one trip to the washroom.

Hard to get up which was strange.  

“what you need is a good hot bath.”

“Pain in my mouth has diminished.  Can eat soft food… like soup.”

“Fine.  You have a shower and I’ll get some easy food.  Want Jello?”

“yes.”

“Better to take a shower other than a bath.”

“Love my bathtub…to hell with the shower.”

So I crawled carefully from bed to bathroom.  Stripped and gingerly slid into our cast iron

bathtub. Felt good.   But I was really weak.  And now a bad head cold began.  Damn

head cold!  Just waiting to get me when i could not fight back.  

“Don’t get out of the tub until I am there.”

“I’ll be fine.”  What did Marjorie think I was..some kind of pansy?

Placed both hands on the bathtub rim and lifted.  Got up a little but arms failed me 

and I fell back.  Tried again and again until I was up.  Both arms and legs were 

failing me when I needed them most.  Bastards!

Got one leg out of the tub.  Then moved the other.  Not sure what happened next.

Did the bathmat slip ?  Or did my legs and arms refuse to help me?  Perhaps both.

So there i was flat on the bathroom floor with one leg under the tub and calling

for Marjorie.

“Marjorie, I fell.”

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Try putting an imaginary body between the tub and the door…one had to be moved

for Marjorie to Wedge her way into the bathroom where she found a stark

nude husband in grave difficulty on the floor. Only the nude was movable. Maybe.

“Can’t get the door open.  You are in the way.”

“Maybe I can slide over a bit.  There.  Can you help me up?”

She tried and tried but no luck. I weigh 215 pounds stark naked.  My arms refused

to let me drag my leg from under the tub.  I really did not care that I was naked. Just

wanted to get back to bed if possible.

“Let me get a chair for you to grip. “

“No good”

“Sit on it…keep it steady.  No strength in my arms.”

Inch by inch I moved but not enough.  Finally  I could get my arms

around the toilet bowl.   It was imovable.  Just what I needed to

help me drag my good leg from beneath the tub.  Hands and knees now

but the sons of bitches would not help me.  Marjorie pushed and pulled.

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“Try crawling on hands and knees to the bedroom. “

“Can’t .  No strength.  Let me use the toilet bowl now to lever myself up.

There, standing but wobbly.  Just enough strength to make it to the bed,”

The goddamn head cold was gaining on me.  Fever.  But 

my mouth pain had diminished to almost nothing.  Jello and not much else but

had to eat something according to the label on the antibiotic container.

Soup.  Mary brought over her home made chicken broth.  Her husband was in

bed with the same cold. Molly sent muffins.  

How many other enemies will try to get me now?

Just the thought of getting to the bathroom again was a nightmare.  But I did

it.   Drank so much water that my kidneys must have been floating.  Inch by inch

made the way to the toilet bowl which I now considered a saviour .

What would have happened if I was alone.?  NO Marjorie to help me. ‘Alone, alone

all all alone’ on the bathroom floor.  That must happened to lots pf  people,  Hopefully

they had the emergency necklace and can get a burly fireman to lift them

back to bed.  I have Marjorie and the toilet bowl who did the job.

“Alan, Oct, 16, 2022, that is your birthday.”

“And that is how I spent by 84th year on planet Earth.

alan skeoch

Oct. 16, 2022

P.S.   My dentist phoned every day.   He was concerned.  “Can you come in

on Monday .  Just to get some X-rays to see if there is any other infection.”

“No, can’t. Otherwise I will just spread this head cold to everyone.  Others

do not need to share my pain”  

That sounds very noble of me.  But really means nothing because I wrote

this story just to ensure all readers shared my pait.  Hardly a noble act.