EPISODE 627 “ALAN, PLEASE GET OUT OF MY WAY, ALAN, I’M VERY BUSY”
alan skeoch
August 17, 2022
“Please Get out of my way , Alan, I am busy.”
“Now is that any way to talk to your husband?”
“Only way … if the husband is you, Alan.”
Naturally I was deeply hurt by this order. Marjorie’s “Order Number One”
But I will follow instructions.
Marjorie seems overworked…do not see why.
Alan, put out the garbage….I do not do garbage
Alan, cut the grass…three lawns….I do not do grass, bought you a new mower
Alan, could you load and empty the dishwasher at least once in your life….I do not do dishes
Alan, could you at least put your clothes in the laundry basket….I do not do laundry
Alan, could you at least make rice pudding…I do not cook even though I love rice pudding.
Alan, could you help make the bed….I do not make beds
Alan, could you wash the truck….I do not wash trucks
Alan, could you clean out the truck at least….I bought you a leaf blower for that purpose.
Alan, you did not buy the leaf blower, it was a gift from Andrew…..I do not do gifts
Alan, could you clean the toilet….are you kidding, I do not do toilets.
Alan, could you cut those broken tree branches….I do not butcher trees.
Alan, could you dust and air the dog bed…I do not do dog beds
Alan, could you pull weeds from zinnia bed….I do not pulll weeds, I think the zinnias like company anyway
Alan, could you get rid to the squirrels in our roof…I do not do squirrels
Alan, could you go to the store for bread…..i do not shop, why do you think I bought you a bicycle?
Alan, could you feed the birds, seed is all ready for you….I do not feed birds
Alan, could you take Woody for a walk….I do not walk dogs.
Alan, could you get gas for y car….I do not get gas, too expensive
Alan, could you clean up your desk….I keep important stuff on top, like my camera. I do not do desks.
Alan, could you be a spare with my bridge club…I do not do bridge unless flattered as a helping husband
Alan, could you clean the windows, the grandkids are coming….I don’t do windows.
Alan, could you at least hold the ladder? ….suppose I could
Alan, I am very busy… Doing What Marjorie?
Now readers should not get too alarmed. These are overstatements
meant to be self-decrecating. Granted, however, they are close to the truth.
And I must make some changes. I’m a man. I can change. I think. Maybe.h Right now I do not know how to use the stove,
the washer or the drier Nor do I know how used clothes get from our bedroom to
the laundry basket. But I can change.
My indolence is not all my fault. When we got married Marjorie politely asked
me to ’stay out of the kitchen’…a strategic error on her part. And on my part as
well because I can no longer look after myself. Marjorie was a professional…a
U of T Home Ec grad.
Before marriage I was a prospector and had a crew to look
after. We rotated the cooking. Ate a lot of porridge and French toast. Self-reliant.
Was even skilled at cutting the first slice from our sides of sowbelly (bacon) because that’s
where the blow flies laid their larva every day. Gross, I know that. Marriage
ended that bit of self-reliance. Marjorie even joined our bush crew one summer…cook,
seamstress, entertainer. Entertainer? Yes, she had to make a bathing suit
for Serge Lavoie….bathing suits were not needed until she arrived with her sewing machine which
was just a boat anchor at Mile 79 on the ACR because we had no electricity.
She had scissors, needles and thread however.
Why does Marjorie do so much work? Simple and admiring answer is that women are
natural multi-taskers. They can have three pots on the burners and a couple
of pies in the oven all at once while emptying the dishwasher and getting the daily
paper.
I TRIED TO CHANGE LAST WEEK…FAILED
“Marjorie, today I am going to make rice pudding,” I announced last week.
“Wonders never cease.”
“Where is the rice…and brown sugar, cinnamon, raisons? I have the milk”
“Just let me get the rice ready,” she interrupted and got The rice boiling.
“Rice is the essence of rice pudding, how do you expect me to be self-reliant?”
“Pay attention to the stove top. You could burn yourself or set the house on fire”
Bottom line, I really did not make the rice pudding.
Marjorie is a multi multi multi multi tasker. Lucky man, Alan.