EPISODE 835 SHE WAS SCARED….TO WHOM COULD SHE TURN FOR HELP?
aka skeoch
june 2023
Hugging can be very dangerous for teachers.
TO WHOM COULD SHE TURN FOR HELP? ME? YIKES!
She lingered as the classes changed. Her boyfriend was there as well but outside my classroom
door. She wanted to talk to me alone.
Alone! Yikes! Being alone with a female student is not
a good thing under any circumstances. It is darn dangerous. Can cost a teacher his job.
Never be alone with a female student. Friendly for sure. Laughing and
teasing but never crossing the line…to be alone with a female student.
But that day she wanted to speak ro me privately…urgently. I remember her name and her face
clearly now… about 30 years later. But I did not talk with her alone. she mumbled something to me…..one clear
wrord was ‘help’. She was not explicit but it was clear something bad had happened. Seemed
sexual. Seemed parent was involved. But It was not clear.And getting enmeshed in the
situation was not a good idea. Her boyfriend was also one of my students. He remained
in the hall but clearly wanted her to get help from me. They trusted me.
So I had to do something. And fast. She did not want to go home. I was not sure why
but there were enough hints that i feared sexual abuse.’
“I willl see what I can do?”
And away they went. What should I do? What could I do? To whom could Turn
for help? Te girl should have gone to the guidance department but she did not.
Too embarrassing it seemed.
Then it dawned on me that the school nurse might help.
“I am not sure but I think one of my students fears sexual abuse. She asked me to help…sort of
asked me. Her boyfriend was with her and he seemed worried as well. Both really nice kids.”
“Leave it to me.” said the nurse and immediately steps were taken. I never knew
what steps. The girl was interviewed and I believe she did not go home that night but
instead was taken to a safe place…..a home for women in trouble. It happened fast.
within an hour or so. She wagon.
the nurse did not confide in me. But she knew this kind of trouble could be dangerous
and discretion was necessary. I am not sure if anyone else knew what happened.
she did not return to my class. She was gone. I am not sure what had happened…
if anything. Something did happen . That was the soft voice saying ‘help’. She was gone.
Then a long time later, perhaps a year, the girl appeared with her boyfriend at my classroom
door. Both happy and smiling. They did not say much but wanted to express
thanks. Not sure it they were married by then but suspect marriage was coming
soon.
I think they owned a small booth in
one of the malls in Toronto. They were a very happy couple.
WHY WAS I SO CAUTIOUS…SO SECRETIVE?
For good reason. Teachers are assumed to be guilty until proven
innocent if a student says touching has occurred. It might be imaginary or real…
like an innocent hug. The teacher is sent home until the case
is examined.. That teacher might be quite innocent but will carry a cloud of
suspicion no matter what is determined. So most of my teacher friends keep
their distance. As do I.
Innocent until proven guilty no longer seems to apply.
alan