EPISODE 479 SOME ADVICE ABOUT AUCTIONS: NOT ALL ARE GREAT…FROM STORY 2017 TITLED “DON’T PULL MY LEG”

 

EPISODE 479     DON’T PULL MY LEG!…THE UNDERSIDE OF THE AUCTION CURCUIT (STORY WRITTEN IN 2017

alan skeoch

Oct. 1, 2017

ON Oct 1, we got up at 6.30 a.m. and then drove for two hours to get to Mitchell’s auction barn.

Maybe I used the wrong term.   It was not a barn.  it was a long tin encased shed open at both ends.

Not very charming.  Worse than that, I spent the previous day cleaning up the truck for our first Sunday 

auction.  Like going to church wearing our 

Sunday best.    We had been sucked in by advertising.

So here is a short story…a conversation with an imaginary friend who wants to go to a farm auction.

A person like Voltaire’s

 Candide…innocent, naive, daft.

CONVERSATION

“Sorry but I don’t think you would want to go with us to a farm auction.  It’s a mugs game…auction searching.  Not pretty at times, downright disappointing at other times.”

“DON’T PULL MY LEG, YOU JUST DO NOT WANT ME TO COMPETE WITH YOU AT THE AUCTION”.

(Comment by s person like you…a person who wants to go to a farm auction:)

I WANT TO GO…TO FOLLOW YOU…”

“Are you sure!  I mean are you really sure you want to go to an auction?   I mean are you ready for disappointment?”

“Yes, yes, yes…I know the difference between an advertisement and reality.”

“Well, take a look here…we drove a long way to get to this auction and we only stayed for an hour…”

“Oh, but I would have loved it.  I would have bought something. “

“Just what would you have bought…pick and choose below.”

“CLUES that this would not be a stellar auction…look at the back of these heads…mostly men…virtually all men.  Looking for old motors…pieces of motors…grease from motors…the smell of motors.”

“Why are we here Alan?”

“I hope to get that grindstone…but must admit the situation is not promising. Someone just paid $200 for an old bag cart.”

“Alan, the auctioneer just sold an old Crokinole board for $100.   Worth about $5 tops.  This is not a good place.”

“Always something to admire Marjorie…look at these exposed gears.  Imagine one of the kids getting his or her finger stuck in there.”

“Alan, you are after that dog treadmill…I know it.  We already have one.  And the auctioneer is getting $50 for old signs…the mill will be …”

“OK, I agree, let’s hit the road.”

“You don’t usually give up that easily, Alan, why … WHY?”

“The geese just flew over.  Even they did not want to land here.  There heading south as should we.”

“But first let me try to capture the mood of the sale.”

“Nude manikins, you mean?”

“Nope, look beside the manikins…those are two real wooden legs….those legs could tell a real story.  Some poor soul wore them.  Perhaps a veteran from  World War II…perhaps he

was the man who owned all these things.  There is a story here…”

“Now, I know you want that turnip seeding machine….”

“True.”

“Alan, the auctioneer just sold an old Coca Cola bottle for $10….and look at those other bottles.  Crown Royal bottle!”

“That Crown Royal Bottle is worth 20 cents at the liquor store.”

“just try to bid ten cents…just try.  I haven’t seen anything selling for less than ten  dollars…most things in the fifty or sixty dollar range.”

“Ahah!  Another story here.  This 1929 Plymouth.  Seems to be in fair condition.  Comes complete with spare parts…spare wheels…even a 1966 licence plate.

And it has ownership papers..  What would you bid?   “

“We are heading home.  I noted that the fellow with the six quart basket thought he got a treasure of some kind.  Look at the way he is carrying…cuddling…his purchase.”

“Marjorie, could we stay around for the nudes…and the wooden legs?”

“Sometimes you do foolish things, Alan.”

“But all our friends want to come to farm auctions…maybe some are here already.”

“If they are here, they are hiding and quietly turning their ignition keys to make a stealthy escape…”

“JUST AS WE ARE ABOUT TO DO.”

NICE LOT OF PUMPKINS AT THE ROADSIDE ALONG THE WAY…

“Marjorie, do you think the movies would be interested in a pair of wooden legs?’

“Keep your eyes on the road…we are heading south with that flock of geese.

alan skeoch

Oct. 1,k 2017