Alan Skeoch

Month: February 2023

  • EPISODE 744 AN OLD MAN’S WINTER NIGHT” FARM RUINS SW OF MILTON, SIXTH LINE FEB.15, 2023

    EPISODE 744    AN OLD MAN’S WINTER NIGHT” FARM RUINS SW OF MILTON, SIXTH LINE   FEB.15, 2023


    alan skeoch
    feb.. 15, 2023


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  • EPISODE 744 AN OLD MAN’S WINTER NIGHT” FARM RUINS SW OF MILTON, SIXTH LINE FEB.15, 2023

    EPISODE 744    AN OLD MAN’S WINTER NIGHT” FARM RUINS SW OF MILTON, SIXTH LINE   FEB.15, 2023


    alan skeoch
    feb.. 15, 2023


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  • EPISODE 741 THE 53 NEARLY FLIPPED OVER WHEN DAD ZIG ZAGGED


    EPISODE 741     THE 53 NEARLY FLIPPED OVER WHEN DAD ZIG ZAGGED   

    alan  skeoch
    feb. 14, 2023


    To Dad those little pot holes were a challenge.  He tried to avoid them and failed.   If we had gone deeper into the swamp, the story
    would not be funny   Mom did try to get out the passenger side.  Imagine that.   That’s cousin Ted Freeman with the tractor




    This is the Fifth Line…in the far distance is the swamp below the hill that rises to Frenk Freeman’s farm.
    Not as full of holes as it would become when that snow melted .


    2)  Car story 2::  The 53  Meteor had an exciting life at our place.   Take the day Dad almost flipped the car
    on the fifth line when we had planned to visit Uncle Frank and Aunt Lucinda .  Their farm is just a few minutes f
    north of our farm,  We could be in their lane in less than ten minutes on a normal day.

    But it was March and the gravel road was peppered with pot holes all of which Dad decided to avoid.  He had already 
    made a fool of himself getting to the farm from Highway 7.

    “Why are you rolling the window down…..it’s cold.”
    “I have a reason.”
    “What reason?”

    (pause as we pass farm house close to road)

    “Fix your Goddamn road…FIX YOUR ROAD!!!”
    “Dad, road repairs are done by County … not farmers”
    “I don’t care who…FIX YOUr ROAD!!!”

    The Fifth Line was a mess… potholes were raising hell with the shocks
    of the 53 Meteor…and the car cried to us with each crunch.  The smashes
    were louder than dad’s yelling. 

    And things got worse.

    We were getting close to Uncle Frank and Aunt Lucinda’s farm.  Passing through
    a very swampy area.  Dad decided to zig zag.  But still managed to hit every
    pothole,  Sometimes at right angle to the road as he twisted and turned….swore
    in his melodic way.   Dad could make swear words sound like poetry.   

    THEN THINGS WENT VERY WRONG…THE SWAMP

    Then Dad swerved sharply.  The Meteor hit the soft shoulder and then down
    towards the swamp.  Bad luck with good  luck to the rescue.  The undercarriage
    of the car ground into the shoulder and the car hung there.   It happened so fast
    that Dad did not even have time to swear.

    MARJORIE and I crawled out through the drivers side passenger door…now at a 45 degree
    angle to the road.   Dad did the same.  

    Mom did not move.




    “Elsie, get out of the car!”
    “I can’t, Red…can’t move.”
    “Get out…in case it turns over.”

    (Dad was worried.  We knew that because he called mom, Elsie, rather than his
    favourite name, “Methuselum”, the name of oldest person in  the bible because mom
    was a year older than him.  So the use of Elsie’s proper name was startling.)

    “Get out, driver’s side like I did”
    “I can’t.”
    “Why not?”
    “Pinned here.”
    “Pinned?”  

    We all worried mom was badly inured.  But that was not  the case”

    “Oh, Red, you fathead.  My high heeled shoes went through the floor 
    of the car when you hit the ditch.   Cannot move.”
    “Take the goddamn shoes off and crawl out barefoot.”

    (Dad was relieved.  We knew that because he started to swear again.
    Soon he would be blaming either the road or the 53 Meteor for our trouble.
    He had one final remark though as Mom crawled out the driver’s side.”

    “Elsie, pull down your skirt.  We can see the top of your nylons.  Hardly lady like.”

    That was not the  end of the adventure.  Dad sent us up to Uncle Frank’s
    to get the Massey Harris 55 and a chain.   Cousin Ted got the tractor revved
    up and pulled us out.   Dad turned the key and the Meteor revved into life
    as usual.  

    To  save face I think Dad tried to give Teddy five bucks but Ted, amused, refused.
    Ted liked my Dad in spite of his cantankerous nature.  How do I know that?
    Because one day I was out with Ted alone and he lit up a big cigar…a White 
    Owl Invincible…the kind Dad smoked while leaning out the back window 
    of our house.   Mom put her foot down.  No smoking of cigars in the house.

    Only once did she put her foot down hard enough to go through the floorboards
    of a 53 Meteor.

    alan


    Dad, teaching our boys how to smoke a cigar.  Both boys never smoked except when we
    told stories about dad.

  • EPISODE 740 A SHOCKING NOTE SENT TO ME TODAY…SCARED ME

    EPISODE 740   A SHOCKING NOTE SENT TO ME TODAY…SCARED ME


    alan skeoch
    Feb 13, 2023


    Came home to an empty house today.  Not completely empty for our dog Woody
    was curled up in his bed.  Was I expected to take him for a walk?  No!

    Pulled a chair up to the kitchen counter and began to eat banana and fruit
    lunch that Marjorie left for me.  Nosed through the paper.  Totally at
    ease with the world.

    Then I noticed the brief hand written note on the table.

    “WHERE IS THE LIFE I HAVE LED,?

    WHERE IS IT NOW?

     TOTALLY DEAD

    WHERE IS THE FUN I USED TO FIND?

    WHERE IS IT NOW ?

    GONE WITH THE WIND.”

    Just a a short note from Marjorie  My wife of 60 years.
    What a shock.  I had no idea she was so unhappy.
    The lunch dishes had been placed in the sink for Marjorie to wash.

    I had not been a perfect husband.  Let her do 
    the housework…not some but all of the housework for sixty years

    That includes making all the meals, handing them to me as I read the paper
    or watched the Super Bowl or just sat there waiting for food and drink to
    be put in my hands.

    Not only did Marjorie make all the meals
    Marjorie also washed all  the dishes
      -initially she feared i would break them (which was true early in our marriage)
    She did everything else as well…washing , vacuuming, shopping, bedding,
    You name it, she did it

    And that included raising the boys.
    I was some use on that score however. Entertainment.  Made wooden fire engine life size
    held 10 kids…did stuff like that.  Things I liked doing.  Self centred stuff.


    Why did she write this note?

    “WHERE IS THE FUN WE USED TO HAVE

    TOTALLY DEAD”

    What did this mean.  Sixty years of an unhappy marriage?  Why
    would Marjorie tell me now.   Maybe Better wash these dishes
    before she gets home.  What else can I do to repair the marriage?
    Not much.  I do not know how to start the washing machine, drier
    or vacuum.  “Sorry Marjorie I am left handed and everything
    is in reverse for me.”  To which she responds often, “Then I better
    do it … you’ll burn the house down so do not ever touch the
    stove.”

    “GONE WITH THE WIND”

    Why would she write this?  I thought she ws OK with my imperfections.
    I wonder if it’s too late for me to buy some roses for Valentines Day
    tomorrow?  Years ago I bought some plastic roses at Woolworths
    and she handed them back to me.  That ended any effort to be
    romantic.

    Then the door opened. 

      “Is that you Marjorie?”
    “Did you eat your lunch?”
    “I did…and found this note….whar does ir mean?”
    “What note?”
    “This one…your handwriting…says something about our 
    marriage being ‘TOTALLY DEAD’”

    “Oh that …not a note ….”
    “Then what is it?  A lawyers letter?”
    “No…(laughing)…those are the words from the movie Kismet
    where Howard Keele is pleading with Kathryn Grayson….I wrote
    them down as he sang on the TV.”



    “Well, I thought they were real.”
    “And what did you do?”
    “I washed up my lunch dish.”
    “Fine (laughter)…Don’t touch the stove…afraid you’ll burn he house down.”

    SO LIFE HAS RETURNED TO NORMAL

    alan

  • EPISODE 739 CAR STORY #1: SNOWBOUND AT SKEOCH HOME FARM CIRCA DECEMBER 1960

    Note:  No time to edit this down to a shorter episode.  For those of you not amused or offended by
    our extended familY, I apologize.  The memories kept coming as I wrote and may be enjoyed by
    those who were there that winter celebration.  The farm is now gone.  Cousin Roy Skeoch’s daughter,
    Roberta, born and living in New Zealand will enjoy Roy’s horse radish devilry delivered personally by our grand
    daughter Molly who is now touring New Zealand and will no doubt find Roy’s grave. Tourists must 
    think that Skeoch is a Maouri word when they see that grave.

    EPISODE 739   CAR STORY #1: SNOWBOUND AT SKEOCH HOME FARM CIRCA  DECEMBER1960

    alan skeoch
    Feb. 13, 2023

    Skeoch Home Farmhouse, circa 1960…Imagine two feet of snow
    and a raging snowstorm on a winter night.  That is the back house on
    far left.

    SKEOCH HOME FARM BARN…”Red, park the car on the south side, away  from the wind and snow”
    “I was raised here and will park the car wherever I want.”
    “Oh Red, you fathead”




    1)  One bitter winter night we drove from Toronto to the Fergus home farm of
    the Skeochs.  Temperature was at the brass monkey stage.  Dad was driving
    which we tried to avoid but failed.  We made it to the farm with ease.

    “Red, park the car out of the wind on the east side of the barn.”
    “No.  Parking it here, close to the drivewau.”
    “Snowstorm coming…wind….drifting snow on North side of the barn.
    “What do you know about this farm?  I was born here.”
    “Oh Red, you fathead.”

    So we left the car and made our through the wind driven snow
    to the farmhouse where dad’s brothers were arguing as usual and his sisters
    were rolling their eyes as usual.  After gorging on heaps of food a poker game
    was started.

    “Red, we should get home. The storm is bad.”
    “Not until I get a few dollars back.”

    Beer was present but in limited quantity thanks to aunt Greta and ‘Lid’  who were not present
    but still had influence.    Eric and I had no
    idea why aunt Elizabeth was cailed ‘Lid’. perhaps because of her hat or more likely from
    the expression “put a LID on it!   She had strong opinions on life and  tried to keep
    her brothers in line.  Failed.   

    Lots of yelling…laughing, arguing…kidding around.  Eric, my brother, was a rather picky
    eater and Mom said “Now Eric, you eat up your dinner tonight.  It’s Christmas, ant Mabel has
    been cooking and baking  all week.”  Which was true.

    Eric and I were rather shy.  City kids.  Not used to the hustle and bustle of farm life in
    big families    Cousin Roy saw this as an opportunity for some devilry when it came
    time for the apple sauce.  Eric took one bite and made a face.  Mom saw that and
    said, “Now Eric, eat up you dessert.”


    Cousin Roy hung around.  Watching Eric like an eagle watching a trout.  Straight face with
    a slight upward curl to his lips.  Eric took a couple bites…and stopped dead.
    Roy let out a hoop of laughter.    Eric’s desert was raw horse radish not apple sauce. 
    Laughter exploded .  Seemed out knew the horse radish joke…even Eric now.

    (Note:  Non Skeoch readers might find these names a burden so just skip along)

    WHO WAS PRESENT THAT NIGHT?  SOME OF THE EXTENDED FAMILY BELOW

    Norman, Arche, Elsie, Arthur, Arnold (Red) Skeoch

    There were 10 children born on he Skeoch home farm (James Skeoch family) most of
    whom filled the local schoolhouse when they were smaller . In Dec. 1960 they were grown
    up and most were present the day we got snowbound

    When Red’s sisters were present the family was less explosive.  Aunts Greta, Lena
    and Elizabeth in from row,  John, Norman and Red (Arnold) in back row.


    A WHOPPING BIG FAMILY…AND UNPREDICTSBLE AT TIMES

    Aunts Greta, Lena, Elizabeth, Mabel…Cousins Margie, Sandy, Patti and 
    the twins Joan and Jeannette.  Uncles Norman and Archie and I think Uncle Ernest and his
    wife Ayleen were there.  Along with the Toronto delegations …Uncle Art nd aunt Mary and
    their kids Kenny, Jean and Big John…mom, dad, Eric and me.   Lid and her
    brood were not present (Uncle Frank and Lid with kids Eleanor, mary, Jim and Owen).  Nor were
    the Metcalfes,  (aunt Greta and Uncle Irvine with Harvey and Gordon).. nor Jim and Ruth Skeoch
    with Lloyd and Vernon and his brother Bruce and Jean and their kids.  some of the Tosh family Lena and Wellington Tosh
    with Helen, Lorne. Donald. Audrey.  Ernest was always present. 

    Figure there were between 17 and 20 people present…and about another 20 or 30 who
    were absent but talked about.

    “What’s all the yelling about?”
    “Skeoch men having a conversation.”

    The family was bewildering in numbers….aggressive to passive in behaviour…shy and bold… mostly
    bold…. although Eric and I would be called shy.  Most were Loud…very loud.  The house smelled of ensilage
    and manure in the mud room… then roasted turkey and chocolate cake in the kitchen …then the smell
    of beer, cigars and cigarettes  where the men played poker and occasionally threw a punch.  Catch as catch can seating
    with the unlucky braced against the stone walls of the fieldstone house.  Out door toilet (back house)
    was a long run from the house,,,very social two seater




    The beer was under loose hay in the barn…a safe place that was unlikely to be found by
    the side of the family that considered empty beer bottles marked the trail to damnation.

    Horse radish.  All hooting snd yelling at Eric’s expense.  Mom  had been suckered into playing  a role.
    Dad, too.  Not sure dad thought it was funny.  Dad was always ready to fight if he felt we needed help.
     Eric was more than a little non plussed
    but did not cry.  I was lucky.  Forgotten snd ignored which was fine by  me.  

    The worst wasywt to come.  Norman went out  to check the cattle in  the barn and reported that
    the snow storm was still severe at which point mom suggested it was time to leave and head
    forToronto.   We wrapped ourselves and stepped into the storm.   The barn was just a dark shadow
    as the wind drove the show at almost right angles.

    Dad was cold sober.  He never drank much.  Perhaps a bottle of beer now and then.  His addiction was 
    horses  not alcohol.

    “Oh Red, what will we do now?”
    “pull the snow away from the doors and get in…start the bastard and head home”
    “There, you can squeeze in now Methuselum.”

    (Methusela was the oldest person in the Bible.  Mom was a year older than dad so
    he called her Methuselum as a pet name.    He tacked on the ‘um’ because it sounded
    better…shortened to ‘Method’ sometimes.  Mystified many people.)

    Mom Squeezed in as did Eric and I.  Dad took the wheel. Mom did not offer criticism
    but we all knew she was right about parking debate long hours earlier.

    “Goddamn thing won’t turn over.  Dead as a skunk on the highway.”
    “Lift the hood.”

    We managed to lift the hood with wind blasting us with snow.

    “Where is he motor?” 
    “Packed with snow….invisible”  

    the wind had driven the snow up under the hood then packed it tight
    like a snowball.

    “Get Norman, Red”

    Norman argued clad in buffalo cot and at with ear protecters….grinning.

    “What can we do, Norman, snow has made car into a  goddamn snowman.”
    “Have to haul you to Fergus with the tractor.”
    “What good will that do…it’s near midnight.
    “I’ll get Drew Elgie to open his service garage and we
    can set the car in  there until the snow melts…then jump
    the battery.”
    “Will that work?”
    “How he hell would I know…Drew Elgie will figure something out”’
    “What about Methooz and the kids?”
    “Enough talk.  I’ll get a chain and the tractor.  You can all sit in
    the car was I tow it to Fergus. “
    “Bloody cold job for you  Norman.”
    “Bitch of a job…so let’s get at it.”

    And so we were hauled to Fergus.  Storm still raging.  Four of us in the car, freezing cold
    as Uncle Norman drove the tractor with a long chain attached under our bumper.  Slowly
    moving down the lane and along the sideroad to Fergus where Drew Elgie had opened
    up one of the service bays where Uncle Norman wedged our car.

    And we sat there.  The snow melted.  The battery was boosted and miracle of miracles the car started.
    No money changed hands.  This was a rescue not a profit making enterprise.   

    As a matter of fact this was not even the 53 Meteor.  It was our next used car, a Dodge I think.  A used
    car though and therefore not always dependable. 

    Back in the Skeoch home farm the poker game continued and a few beers were slipped into the
    farm house from the manger in the barn.  Cigarettes and cigars were lit.  Laughter and arguments
    …a remarkable extended Skeoch family at ease.  

    I wonder if all this could happen today?   Our extended family has drifted apart and many have died.
    Perhaps only this memory remains now that the big barn has been taken apart by Mennonites and the stone
    farm house has been remodelled by people we no longer know.

    Methuselum (Elsie) Skeoch and her husband  Red (Arnold) Skeoch will never be
    forgotten as long as memory serves.

    alaln



    Eric and I Have always fowler lucky ro have been fragment of the Skeoch family.   I do not know if Eric
    ever adopted a taste for horse radish.   I know we miss Roy.