Year: 2020

  • EPISODE 111 “ALAN, NEVER LET YOURSELF BE HOSTAGE TO FORTUNE.”

    EPISODE 111   ALAN, NEVER  LET YOURSELF BE HOSTAGE  TO FORTUNE.


    alan skeoch
    Sept. 6 , 2020

    OUR farm house  was built around 1870 or 1880.   The owner at the time had very little money…he had to cut corners as we discovered
    in the renovation a century later.   The design was  common … available plans in Eaton’s catalogue. Mom, grandma and their dog Punch
    on front lawn.

    We inherited the farm in 1958.  Condition? Not so good.   We could barely afford to look after our 
    city house.

    Our family around  1958 when we inherited the Freeman farm.  We were not wealthy so owning property like the farm
    was a  novel and frightening thing.  Only later, around 1990 could Marjorie and I afford to renovate…and even then it
    took the shock of the robbery to force us into action.   Picture: left to right…Eric, Elsie (Freeman) Skeoch, Alan, Arnold (Red) Skeoch
    We laughed a lot…in this case someone broke wind  Just as  I set the camera  for a delayed picture.


    Months after the farm robbery we had to give  serious thought to the farm future. 
    Should we keep the farm  or  put it up for sale like was happening to so many
    other historic farms.  The debate was just awful.

    THE choice?  Sell everything  or pour a lot of money into restoration of the farm house.
    Depressing thoughts.   The loss of so much. Family treasures gone.    The usual ‘poor me’
    comments by persons who have been robbed.   grieving that deep
    sense of loss when someone you love is gone.  Anger.  Feeling violated.  All
    that and more.  For the first few hours. 

     Then the clouds of doubt cleared away.

    Granddad  made small wheelbarrows for us.  Note the sad dog house in the  background.  Fancy living on a farm?  Not so much.


    Then I thought of Evan Cruickshank who had such a powerful influence on my life.
    “Crooky” had been our history teacher at Humberside.  A man of deep intellect.
    And later he hired both Eric and me as  history teachers at Parkdale Collegiate in
    west central Toronto.  I got to know him really well as did Marjorie.  Respect and
    friendship.   “Crusher” Cruickshank had many words of  wisdom which he shared
    Never heavy handed sharing.  Never patronizing.  

    Our robbery was hurting.  At its worst when I suddenly remembered “Crooky’s”
    comment regarding material things in life.  “Alan, never let yourself be hostage
    to fortune.”  Said another way.  “Never let things own you.  If you do you will
    have an unhappy life.”                                                                               

    We were grieving the loss  of the furniture and everything else in the house.  What we
    should have been thinking about was the house itself and the future direction we would take.   

    NOTE:  The term hostage to fortune means that wealth, family, possessions can hold
    us hostage.  Crooky added ‘Never be’ to ‘hostage to fortune’ which I believe meant
    to never let the material things in life hold you hostage.  Do not worship your wonderful car, 
    for instance.

    I am not sure this  point if clear.  We decided to put our money into a dream rather
    than  save it for who knows what .   Maybe that is  not even clear.  We took action.
    That is  clear.


    Many many Ontario farm houses that were built far better than ours have been destroyed.  

    SO A  DECISION WAS MADE:  WE WILL RESTORE THE FARM HOUSE

    “Let’s do it…restore the farm house.”
    “That means a total gutting  of the interior.”
    “Give the job to Kevin and Andy…strip back to the bricks.”
    “The boys will enjoy it…demolition and teen agers go hand  in hand.”

    1)  So  Andrew and Kevin using crowbars, sledges,  hammers and a wheelbarrow
    began stripping away the plaster which was already in decay…then the lathe  
    some of which was even ancient split lathe.  Wheelbarrow  loads were dumped
    outside.

    2) Beneath the plaster they discovered that our brick farm house was really
    not a brick house at all.  Underneath was a barn frame…heavy hand hewn beams
    pegged together as was the custom in 1870.  This was not a house at all.  Had
    we depended on the bricks to hold the ouse up then there would  be no house.
    The bricks were soft as a baby’s bum.  They had been shaped and  fired less
    than  a mile away near #5 sidereal.  Weak.  I wondered why other brick  farm houses
    had  collapsed  and  ours did not.  Now  I knew. Ours was  a barn.

    3) But  The big beams had not been  made here.  No group of men with broad axes
    had  spent a year or more preparing white pine beams.  No.  Our farm house
    was made from beams  collected here and there across the township in 1870 or so.
    How did  we know?   Because many beams had burn marks.  The beams had
    been gathered from older burned out buildings…barns, drivesheds.   

    4) Nothing special about the beams.  The great floor beams were only rough
    hewn on one side…sometimes two sides.  The other sides still had the bark.
    This house was not an example of fine art carpentry.  

    5) The board  floors had been worn to nubs by hundreds of feet over the century.
    The nubs were the knots.  Harder than the planks and therefore when worn and 
    stamped on left a wavy floor that I always found charming.  But it had to go and
    so the boys got crowbars to lift the ancient slabs.  Too bad.  Loved  the old floor.

    6) They made one amazing discovery.  Hard to believe I  know.  The centre of
    the house was held up by one long carved beam.  Crucial piece to which  all
    the other beams were attached directly or indirectly.  “Guess  what, Dad?”
    “What?” “The main beam hangs in the air.”   The main beam never touched
    the ground.  It was free standing.  How that happened we will never know.  had
    we not stripped the walls that fact would remain a little secret.  How the roof
    held up for 130 years or more I will never understand.   

    Ricky the  Raccoon was a pet of ours until he  reached puberty when all things changed.  While young Ricky would scamper up our
    shoulders to sit on our heads.  Here he is being gently removed by David S.

    Did Ricky the Racoon sneak back and  take up residence behind the plaster and lathe of the farm house?  Not likely.  We let him
    go in a farm field  far away.  But raccoons are smart.

    7) That was  only one discovery.  There were others.  Like finding a nest
    of raccoons in the upper bedroom wall.  They had  made the house a home
    for years it seems.  And then there were the red squirrels who can chew there
    way into any house.  Mice, of course.  A plentiful supply that the garter snakes
    must have found convenient food.  A bunch of snakes lived in the field stone
    foundation.  They may still be there since the foundation was  never changed only
    braced.

    8) The basement floor was dirt.  Hard packed dirt.  Three rooms down there, each
    with a function but all with dirt footing.  In spring this cellar was wet…pooled water
    often.  But the walls held.  One room had big dirt floored stalls…one for coal, one for potatoes,
    carrots, etc.   The other room Grandma called “the Dairy’ where she kept food in
    the cool dark.  Slabs of beef hung here which was why I liked to slather our meals
    with Worcester Sauce.   I never trusted the Dairy.  No good reason.  Grandma and
    Grandpa Freeman lived here deep in their 90’s.  The other big cellar room
    had an old  but huge cook stove with a pipe hole exit carved into the foundation.  This was
    grandma’s ‘summer kitchen’ but was never in use when we were growing up. There
    was a rickety staircase and  a trap door that gave access to the main house.
    Granddad  had  his carpenters tools there as well.   As a kid  I stole one of his
    chisels and got caught.  I ran and  hid  in the tall summer grasses and golden rod
    on that day.  Humiliated because  I was caught.   I still have the chisel somewhere.
    Granddad gave it to me.  He was a master craftsman.

    9) Kevin and Andrew also had to clean out the attic…a long unfinished room
    that ran eastwards from the upstairs bedrooms where the raccoons lived.
    That attic was  a wonderful treasure trove.  For most of  my pre teen years I explored this
    room endlessly.  For years it was full of spinning wheels,  walking wheels and  all
    the wool processing things of the 19th century and other treasures that were to me
    a mystery.  I remember when most of that stuff suddenly was gone. “OH, Elsie (my 
    mother), a wonderful man came by and paid  us money for the things in the attic.”
    “How much?” “Ten dollars”  Bastard.

    10)  The scavenger missed a 1920’s “skin” book called  Smokehouse.  Lots of rather
    off colour jokes and some suggestive drawings of stockings with legs in them … at least 
    as I remember.  And, oh yes, the explosive novel “Tobacco Road” by Erskine Caldwell.
    At tale of poverty and prejudice in the American  south.  That book  would even be
    scandalous in today’s liberal world.  It was  falling apart as  it had been read  and  re read
    and  re read again by me.

    11) So the house was stripped bare…a shell. No, a  folderol i.e. A barn within a brick house.
    Now we had to find a builder.  By good fortune we noticed a truck  while getting ice cream cones
    in Erin.  WAYNE SHANNON, BUILDER    No beating around the bush we hired him to renovate
    and reconstruct the farm house.   He  had some great ideas.  Open concept.

    12) And  he said  a couple of things I had  not counted upon  “Where do you want the bathroom?”
    My response  was “What  bathroom?”…because we had a perfect backhouse I had  built.  Marjorie
    chimed  in and so we got two bathrooms.  His next question was about the trap door to the
    cellar.  “Of course we will close that trap door and put a stairway to the cellar.” “What? I love that
    trap door.”  Then everyone chimed in so  we got a stairway.  And  another question I had not
    counted upon was the furnace.  “What furnace? Isn’t the old wood stove good enough?” That 
    thought was also put to rest when Wayne found us a good electric  furnace.* (Note..furnace
    will be subject of  major story later…a story so  big that my picture replaced the Sunshine Girl
    on the Toronto Sun.  No  vanity involved…just a very bitter fight with Hydro One)

    13) Wayne and his worker crew spent the whole winter changing the farm house. What a
    terrific job they did.   The house became a home.  We have entertained there so much
    since.  Grand  dinners.   Wayne did not stop with the house.  “Alan, you need a barn.”
    On this, I agreed so  Wayne built us a barn with a cement floor.  These were good times.

    TO WHOM DO I OWE MY GRATITUDE?

    I really must thank the robber that stripped the farm house of furniture and who knows what else.
    Without him we would have never taken such drastic action   Good things do often emerge from
    what seems bad at first.


    Renovating the farm house has enriched our lives.  Lots of friends have joined us.  In this case the Christophersons.  They
    seem to have pillaged the garden.  Brenda’s father was a  crop duster in Manitoba with a plane much like the one that
    tried ti kill Cary Grant.  


    alan skeoch
    Sept. 6, 2020










  • EPISODE 110 “FATALLII PEPPER”…OUR BRANS SURGED…ALERT! ALERT! …AND WE RAN.”



    Begin forwarded message:


    From: ALAN SKEOCH <alan.skeoch@rogers.com>
    Subject: HOT PEPPERS GARDEN 2020
    Date: September 6, 2020 at 4:58:07 AM EDT
    To: Alan Skeoch <alan.skeoch@rogers.com>


    EPISODE  110    “FATALLII PEPPER” … OUR BRAINS SURGED…ALERT! ALERT!…AND WE RAN.”

    alan skeoch
    Sept 2020

    The scene may look pastoral…relaxed.  But that was  not the case…even Woody
    the dog looked for relief and  he did not eat any peppers.


    Now what in tarnation is this?  Shrivelled up pepper due to the month long drought.
    NOT SO!




    “Here Andrew,  we  grew these odd looking peppers…do you know them?”
    “Hot peppers, Mom.”
    “I thought they were different…small, shrivelled  looking, wrinkled.”
    “Here taste  one.”

    And  Andrew, pinched off a piece about size of a  radish seed…tiny.  

    “Here, Dad, you have a taste too.”

    Both Marjorie and I immediately had flashes from our brains.  “

    Alert!  Alert! Do  not eat. Regurgitate now. You are in danger!”

    Andrew gave a lopsided grin.  “Hot, eh!”

    By then we were both racing to the farm house for water…for anything that would reduce the burning sensation on our
    lips…tongue,..throat.  We had  immediately spit out the tiny piece of  green or yellow wrinkled  pepper fruit.  Spitting out
    did no good.  We needed water.  Marjorie got to the house first.  I tried to soldier out the exploding burning sensation.
    But I needed water…anything.  

    Marjorie was arched over the kitchen sink.  “I think I’m going to vomit.  Maybe faint.  Need water..water.”

    Since she had the sink, there was no room for me.  I yanked  open the refrigerator where a half consumed
    bottle of beer was cooling.   I drank some right away.   Seemed to reduce the burning.  “Here Marjorie, try this.”
    She does not normally like beer but gave it a shot.  She was returning to normal  by that time anyway.

    What in hell’s half acre had we eaten?   A pepper.  I knew that but what kind  of pepper?

    Later, about 3 a.m. while we combed the internet for pictures of  peppers we agreed that one variety
    …the Fatalii pepper…was  closest.  Fatalii peppers are the hottest pepper on earth according to internet
    sources.  Like all peppers they originated in South America but were ‘improved’ in Africa which is the
    main source.
    NORMAL GREEN PEPPER FRUIT BESIDE FATALII HOT PEPPERS.


    One source was dead on.  Dead  on?  Wrong term since we did  not die.   But the source said that as soon as
    piece of the Falalii pepper touches the lips then the tongue, our brains immediately go into overdrive with
    the Alerts.  And that is  what happened.   As soon as that little piece of  pepper flesh hit our tongues
    there was word from our brain.  “Spit the damn  thing out right now…get water right now…beer will do if no
    water.”   As  it turns out relief from the burning is best relieved  by  milk or other dairy products.  We did
    not know that.

    How did  Fatalii peppers get into our garden?  That is  our fault.  We try to look for unusual  plants
    at garden centres and I dimly remember a hand drawn  sigh saying something about a  hot pepper plant
    at a nursery near Erin.  Could have also  been the nursery on Trafalgar Road north of Oakville.  Due 
    to the Covid 19 scare we wore masks and were encouraged to make our purchases and  leave
    quickly.  Marjorie must have grabbed  the Fatalii…not me…I am too smart for that.  (Ahem!)
    Thankfully the pepper is  not really Fatal.  Just seems  so.

    The plant is still alive.  Now here is an  idea. We will keep growing these peppers  and  will put them in a special place
    in hopes  that any future thieves will sample them.   So, be  warned,  if you look in our refrigerator
    and  see a  hand written sign saying “Tastes good…take a bite.”..please do not be fooled unless
    you are a thief.

    alan  skeoch
    Sept. 2020

    P>S>   Fatalii is  the closest we could come to identifying these peppers.  We could be 
    wrong.  

    P.P.S   In the course of our night long research we discovered that some craft beers
    used tiny bits  of Fatalli peppers to sharpen the taste.  Imagine that.  Much more can be
    said but I think this is enough.

    P.P.S.  What about Andrew?   What did we do to get even?  What ‘should’ we do?
    Laughter is inappropriate somehow.  We are  debating the problem.





    Marjorie took this picture of part of  our crop.  A good  warning sign.  Note the hole in one of the Fatalii peppers where
    some kind of slug, worm, bug…crawled inside and died I think.
    Marjorie does not usually like beer…but this day, the day of the hot pepper, she changed her mind.
  • EPISODE 109 BIG TIME ROBBERY: AND REPERCUSSIONS

    EPISODE109    BIG TIME  ROBBERY AND REPERCUSSIONS



    alan skeoch
    Sept. 2020



    “RING…RING”
    “ALAN, did you know the front door of the farm is  wide  open?” 
    (Said Tim Rock, a neighbour)
    “No, thanks, we’ll get right up there.”

    It was mid March.  Slushy farm roads, lots of fog and  moonless night.

    “We have  been  robbed big time,  Marjorie.”

       I had  hoped the door was just
    ajar.  That would be  my fault but I had at the same time  sinking feeling that my 
    troubles could  be a lot worse than that.  Break and enter robbery.  Our family farm house had
    been stripped by robbers who just took their time from about 
    mid-night until the  small hours of that dark March evening..   How do I know they took their time?
    Because  the dishes and crockery were sorted carefully on the farmhouse floor.  Those rejected were
    in piles..   The good stuff was gone.

    They, I assume more than 1 person, were so  confident that  they even stole
    my trailer to load the big things.  Just backed the trailer up to the front door 
    after filling their truck with the smaller things  like the dishes.  Imagine that
    …they used  my trailer.  That meant they must have known the trailer was
    parked  under the big maples.   Our farm had been  ‘cased’…someone had
    noted the farm house was vulnerable.  That’s what professional thieves  do…
    they carefully case  a target then strike when least likely to be noticed.  If anyone
    did notice they might even say “Alan’s working late tonight…has his trailer 
    backed up to the front door.”  A good thief exudes confidence.

    Eric and I spent much  of our lives on the Freeman farm.  The farm marked  us  indelibly.  Eric on the right.


    Our grandparents,  Ed and Louisa Freeman, had died years
    earlier around 1958.  Mom and dad  had recently passed  on.
     We tried to keep the house  as they had left it…like
    Miss Havisham’s house described by Charles Dickens in Great Expectations.
    But a happy place not miserable.  It would take a lot of money to fix up the house
    which had  been built in the 1870’s and showed its age.

    The main room was the kitchen
    where the wood stove made  winters livable.  The  thieves managed
    to get the huge flatback kitchen  cupboard  out the front door into
    my trailer.  No easy task.  It was six to seven  feet high with shelves
    and  doors and even a built in mirror.   This was where Grandma kept
    the things she prized most.  Gone. We  had never emptied it ourselves
    so could  hardly make an  insurance claim.

    The really big pieces of furniture  were in the living room.  A room rarely used.
    Those large  family reunions were gone before mom had kids.  The room
    was well finished all the same. What I missed
    immediately was the  dark  varnished long  cupboard that always
    smelled of cookies because  grandma kept them there for Eric and  I to gorge
    upon on our week  end visits from the city.  Gone.  

    I suppose the most valuable piece they  got was the huge heavy pedestal table…
    with inserts should a grand party be organized.  That table was filled with home
    cooking on the day in 1937 mom and dad were married in that room.  Lots of fine
    memories of that victorian jewel.   Mom told us that Dad’s brothers were busy
    in the cellar  while the wedding feast was underway…laid out on the big table..  Uncles Norman,  Archie,
    Art and maybe even John from Saskatchewan…and  Uncle Ernest who was really a cousin…
    all of them were busy dumping
    out Mom’s wedding  clothes and filling her suitcase with carrots,squash and zucchini in
    the belief that mom would not really need clothes  on her honeymoon.  I  say 
    this to show how the furniture in the farmhouse connected with events in our
    daily life.

    Anyone who has been  robbed knows the feeling.  Akin to rape.




    We had  no electronics … no bottles  of fine whisky  … no electric 
    kitchen gadgets.  No problem for the thieves.  After loading up at
    our farm house they drove across the road and stripped the neighbours
    house of the TV set, radio, LP player, etc.etc.   Maybe  they hit that
    place first. The family were away that evening.  The thieves  must
    have really done some fine planning.

    Mom and Marjorie on the farm.  Daisy on the left, what a good dog but not her best profile.  Our pet ducks, Ping and Pong in the pond.  Those ducks
    thought we were their mom and dad  so they came at our bidding.  The farm was a key part of our lives.  Robbery was a shock.


    I was really glad that mom and dad had passed on when the robbery 
    happened.  Mom would have been really hurt as it was her home.  Dad
    would have been furious and might have laid blame on innocent drifters.
    He did not trust everyone, especially new  people on the Fifth line.

    I was still doing CBC radio shows at the time  so I created a script for
    the five minute time slot on Friday’s Radio Noon.  I addressed the 
    thieves…first person.

    i.e. “You stole things that are alive.  Please treat them well. The big
    dining  room table, for instance.  Take a close look at it.  Along one
    edge you will see some indentations.  Small.  That was the place
    where our little son Andrew’s teeth hit the table when  he threw a
    temper tantrum.  Why?  Marjorie had  wrapped  up  nickels and  dimes
    and quarters in the cake for Andrew’s fifth or sixth birthday.  All his 
    friends got a coin or two.  Andrew got nothing.  He got the piece
    of cake with no dime wrapped  in wax paper.  He was devastated
    and bit the table for a reason I cannot fathom.  So, Mr. thief, when
    you sell this table put a few dollar extra on your price.  Andrew’s
    teeth marks are worth something extra.”

    The broadcast had lots of these twists and  turns.  All addressed 
    to the thieves who were unlikely to be listening.

    The thieves missed these picture frames…hand carved by granddad in winter times
    honouring the worker on the Eywood Estate  they left in 1908.  This was the estate cook
    who was Mom’s godparent.  Thankfully the thieves  considered these of  no value.

    One  of granddad’s largest carvings framed this picture of Mom…Elsie Freeman.   Hand coloured
    picture taken I think by a pinhole camera granddad  made himself.


    “And,  Mr Thief, let me ask  you a question.   Why did you not also steal 
    the pump organ that grandma and grandpa kept in the
    front room kitchen.  Thanks for leaving it behind.  I suppose
    it has no value or then again might be too easy to identify.  No matter.
    I appreciate you left it behind.  Did you know that the organ was
    the only piece fo  furniture grandma and grandpa were able to 
    save when their log cabin caught fire in the pioneer village of Krugerdorf,
    near Englehart.  They lugged it out of the conflagration then They lugged the organ south to the Fifth line.  I was
    so glad you did not steal it.  Grandma would  play the organ  on winter
    nights while granddad played his prized violin.  Their dog Laddie
    always joined  in and howled  throughout.   My favourite piece was
    their rendition of The Devil’s Dream.  That piece you probably know by
    heart as the anthem most popular among thieves .  Thanks for 
    being so thoughtful.  Or was the organ just to hard to get onto my
    trailer load.”

    As it turned out the thief was listening.  Or some cruel  practical joker
    saw a chance to put the fear of the lord  into me.  shortly after 
    the broadcast I got a note from a person claiming to be the thief.
    It was not nice.  “Shut the fuck up or we’ll drop by and torch the place.”
    Now that really sacred me.  No sense of humour.  

    We had been talking to the OPP about the thefts. Not much they could do except drop
    by now and then.

    “What happens to our furniture?”

    “  probably driven immediately down to Quebec
    and sold as antiques.   trailer and all.  Removed licence plates of course.
     In other words sold where things could
    not be identified as stollen.   Not much we can do.”

    “One thing you might do.  Maybe when you are having lunch
    and  are near here.   Maybe you can park in our laneway.  That
    might just send  a message.”

    Like ripples on the pond, many other tings happened. One of
    the  weirdest was done by a student teacher of mine  She believed
    in ESP.  She could communicate with the thief by some  sort 
    of near witchcraft.  “Would you like me to try?”  “Noting to lose.”
    She came to see me sometime later.  “The thief lives nearby…a
    mile or so North west of the farm.  Knows your farm.”  Now that 
    bit of  information really startled me.  I would rather have heard
    the thief was living in Quebec or, even better, that he had a home
    on the moon.  I did not want to know he was close by.

    Bottom line.  I decided to shut up. No more radio stories.

    The next incident was a kind of dark humour.    Two months later on a May evening…after dark…our
    neighbour Ron Saunders noticed a car parked at the front door to our farm house.
    No lights.  Activity.   Ron alerted his son-in-law Tim and they drove over in two cars.
    Was  Ron armed  with his shotgun.  I think he said he was.  They blocked the front
    of our farm  by focusing their headlights on the door. They were not fooling around.

    Then our oldest son Kevin  came out.  Alarmed. He had  finished his year at the University of
    Toronto and was putting things in storage at the farm.  Ron Saunders was first to
    laugh.  “By Jesus, we thought we had a thief,  Kevin.”

    This robbery had legs.   There was
    insurance involved.  We had a policy with a local  insurance broker
    who asked me to list what was taken  and suggest a value.  Not
    easy to do since I had  forgotten some things and did not know exactly what was taken.
    I walked through the rooms and  looked at empty spots where the linoleum
    was lighter…not worn.   My estimate was $6,000.  Best I could do
    I asked  that the insurance company to send a person over.  And we waited.
    No  one came.  So I phoned.   

    “No person will be coming.  Your claim of
    $6,000 will be accepted.”  

    “But what if  I am lying…making things.up.”

    Unlikely you would do that.  Insurance scammers are spotted
    but rarely at the $6,000 level.  

    “When do you send an investigator then?”

    “$15,000 dollar claims and up. “  Now that was a big  surprise.  If I was
    an insurance investigator and had a claim come in for $14,999 i would
    be  suspicious indeed.

    WHAT COULD BE DONE WITH $6,000?

    The insurance money must be put to good use.   We could not buy
    back what was lost.  But we could do something memorable.


    “Marjorie,  why don’t we put that money into a trip with Andrew and
    Kevin back to England…back to Herefordshire where grandma and
    grandpa were  born.  Back to the Eywood  Estate where grandpa 
    was the head  gardener.  I think grandma and grandpa wuld like that.
    Best thing we could do with the money.

    So we did.  If I ever met the thief I would shake his hand.  Without 
    him our kids would  not really know their roots


    ALAN SKEOCH
    SEPT. 2020

    P.S,   The old pump organ is safely kept. Sadly no one knows
    how  to play it.  It is however a symbol that reminds  me often
    of that slushy, foggy, March evening when the moon was covered
    over and  thieves were busy pushing my trailer up to the front door
    of our farm house

    NEXT EPISODE       THE ROBBERY    “NEVER BE  HOSTAGE TO FORTUNE”



  • EPISODE 108 ROBBERIES

    EPISODE  108  ROBBERIES


    No  doubt most readers  have been robbed at one time or another.  Shocking in the past.
    Common in the present with internet exposure.  Trust is difficult because internet robbers
    are so sophisticated.

    Play the game called ‘FIND THE TOURIST’ at the end of these tales of woe.


    Old  time robbers were not as sophisticated  as modern summers.

    Robbers?  Below

    1) Like the robber our dog treed one winer evening.  We heard a hullabaloo in the back yard
    where Sonny was put out for a ‘walk’.   What was he barking at?  Unusual for Sonny since
    he was such a placid dog…big, super friendly Labrador.  At first we saw nothing
    then noticed a tall thin man with his back to one of our trees.  Almost invisible.

    “Get the dog away.”
    “Dog is friendly…will not bite.”
    “What are you doing in our back yard?”
    “I have been drinking…got lost.”
    “Where do  you live?”
    “Over there on Hurontario.”
    (He waved in the right direction. He was stumbling in that direction.
    We had  no lock  on our gate and a deep back wilderness that eventually
    linked up with Hurontario.)
    “What is your name?”  No answer, slurred
    “Where is your house?   No answer, or slurred

    And away he went.  Fooled us.  We really thought
    he was drunk.   A  few minutes later we changed  our minds…likely
    a break and enter person.  Do  not know really.

    2)  Like the robber who got into my workshop and stole
    some of my power tools….electric saw, electric drill, etc….
    a full arm load gone.

    It was winTer time with fresh snow so I was able to track the thief
    down through our backyard, across the little creek, up through the
    wilderness  park, out to Hurontario.

    And right to the bus stop where the tracks ended  and the thief
    got away.   Ridiculous.   He probably sold all the tools for five
    or ten dollars.

    But what would  I have done if  I found him?  Think about that.
    Best he was  not found  and confronted.

    3)  Like the robber who got my cellphone from our truck.
    Stupid of me to leave it there but such stupidity is common
    in men. Less so in women, my wife says.

    The cell phone was gone.  Then we heard  from neighbours
    that they had been robbed as well.  Much bigger take from
    them.  My cell phone was worth nothing so it was thrown
    away in the road ditch where it was  found by me.

    I checked the calls.  Turned out there were  five calls
    to the robbers friends.  Names given.  Clues  given.
    Long conversations registered.   What to do?
    I  visited the local police station.  

    “I think the thieves  can be traced, officer…information
    on my cell phone.”
    “We do not have time for small incidents like this.”
    “What if I do  the tracing?”
    “I would not recommend that.”

    4)  Like the time we parked our car in Marseilles, France.
    All of us…6 people.  Relieved to find such a nice parking spot.
    Tired and hungry.  Looking around.  

    “Can you help me?”  (might have been in French)
    “Sorry,, we just arrived here ourselves.”
    (followed  by  some brief small talk…MEANWHILE
    on the other side of the car a thief made a
    quick clutch  and  grab …got Marjorie’s purse
    with a little money but, worse, all her cards and
    I.D.   There were ripples  of that robbery long after due
    to the info the robber may  have sold to computer thieves.)

    It happened so fast…done in less  than a few seconds.
    The nice person talking with us was the front man or woman…not
    sure which sex but I think female…we did not even suspect the front person until long
    afterward.   What we learned, however, was that the choice parking
    spot in the City of  Marseilles was  part of the scam.

    5) Like the time Marjorie was  sort of mugged  by women thieves
    in Slovakia.  That also  happened quickly.  Kevin  noticed  me in trouble
    first. 

    “Dad is  being mugged out there…quick, I’ve got to get to him.”

    I wasn’t being mugged.  Just surrounded  by a bunch of middle
    aged women.  Pressing in on me.   Gabbling. Pretending something.
    Maybe getting into my pockets with skilled hands.  Nothing happened
    though. 

    “No problem, Kevin…kept my hand on my wallet.”

    The real robbery was happening in the Women’s washroom
    where Marjorie had  gone.  As  slick as a banana peel a cluster
    of women pressed Marjorie.  When they got what they thought was
    her wallet they vanished fast.  

    “I was mugged in the washroom.”
    “What did they get?”
    “My glass case…I think they thought it was my wallet.”

     Talking in Slovak which was natural.  Tough looking
    women suspected  later as being Roma (Gypsies).

    As  fast as  a  whistle they frisked Marjorie and got what
    they thought was her purse.  Then Kevin, our son who was teaching
    English in Slovakia just when the Soviet Union was in collapse,
    then Kevin came running out cursing…and the women shot off
    in various  directions.

    “Mom, do not stand around…you look like a tourist.”
    “What do you expect me to do?”
    “Stick  with me.”

    6, 7, 8…LOTS of little robberies.  We have all had them.  Scams
    are now as common as fleas on the neighbours dogs and cats.

    GAME:  FIND  THE TOURIST FROM PICS BELOW.  (HINT: MARJORIE
    SEEMS TO LIKE THE COLOUR RED


    WHERE IS THIS STORY GOING?

    Next Episode 109:  OUR BIG ROBBERY…DEVASTATED BUT WHAT TO DO



  • EPISODE 108 FEAR OF COVID19 HAS MADE ME LEERY OF BARBER SHOPS…THE RESULT?

    EPISODE  108    FEAR OF COVID 19 HAS MADE ME LEERY OF BARBER SHOPS…THE RESULT?


    EPISODE 108

    SO I have sent you 108 stories…episodes….
    TONIGHT I am too tired to do another so Marjorie thought
    some of you might wonder what i look light….with or
    without hair.   Thanks Brad  for sending the pic with the
    curly red hair.


    A confession:  Even though the episodes take a lot of time writing the
    script and then searching through a thousand  or more photos to
    try and bring the scripts to life…even though these stories  take a lot
    of work.  I enjoy doing them.  Recording events that have affected
    our tiny microcosmic community has and will continue to be
    quite  enjoyable.  Just knowing that some of you take the time to
    read them is flattering indeed.  I know some of you, like  Bill
    McKay, only look at the pictures.  That is why Episode 108 is
    so short.   No reading  required.

    I believe the ten years spent in the mining game…Game? I believe
    those glimpses of Canada were worth recording.   And then there 
    is the Victor Poppa diary of sex and bombing in World War II.
    Those adventures  would never have seen  the light
    of day without the help of Covid 10.  And, oh yes, My dad, Red Skeoch,
    was an unconventional father proud of his two sons in
    a backhanded way.  “One is a gutsy bugger and the other
    is as stupid as Joe’s dog.”  Dad  really new how to flatter
    people.   No one would remember Dad except the people
    he borrowed $20 from.  My brother and I thought our mother’s 
    name was Methusala until we  discovered that was  the oldest
    person in the Bible.  Mom was one year older than Dad, hence
    the name Methusalum.  (Dad added the ‘um…sounded better…he would have
    modernized the whole Bible were it not for the fact he found
    the Daily Racing Form more interesting.

    You want to know where the spark came from?  Voltaire, the
    French author, wrote a book titled  Candide in which an innocent
    and  naive young lad, Candide,  set out to see the world with his teacher,
    Pangloss, as a guide.  What does  Pangloss  mean?
    Big Mouth.   Voltaire’s affectiom for teachers was limited.
    Those of you in isolation might like to find the book.  Not
    hard to read. Some Chapters are only 2 pages long.

    The stories will keep coming.

    God, I wish I did not get a haircut today.  My curls were better
    than Justin Trudeau’s.  Vanity.  All is Vanity.

    alan skeoch
    Sept. 2020

    P>S>  And some  of you are  writing stories as well.  Great.
    I feel justified.

    PPS   Thanks Brad for sending this photo … the one with the
    curly hair.   Marjorie took the other…the picture  with no hair.