Alan Skeoch

Author: Alan Skeoch

  • EPISODE 746: CAR STORY 4 “GET ME OUT OF THIS &%^$#@#$ BUSH”

    EPISODE 746:   CAR STORY 4  “GET ME OUT OF THIS  &%^$#@#$  BUSH”


    alan skeoch
    Feb. 18, 2023

    This car story 

    This does not look like a wilderness.  It is a big clearing in the bush where there seems to have been a farm long ago
    and the hay field is cropped still.  The track is narrow. Rasy for our company Land Rover,,,and also our 53 Meteor


    This car story
    about the 53 meteor may not get by the email censors.  I know that is true
    for Aidan’s office in Ireland where bad language is filtered out.

    But I will tell the story anyway. Perhaps reduce the foul language a bit.  But those curse words
    are so much a part of the story that I am reticent to be a censor.

    So here goes:

    The life of the 53 Meteor was coming to an end sadly.  But not quite.

    “Beautiful June day”
    “Would be nice to go on a trip”
    “Let’s do it.  I would like you to see what my job is like….mining geophysics
    means nothing until you see the field work.”
    “Dangerous?”
    “Not unless you consider black flies dangerous.”

    So mom, dad, Eric and marjorie piled in the 53 Meteor and we headed north east towards Kinmount.
    Dad was a bit grumpy because he would miss a few horserace at Woodbine racetrack.  But he came 
    along.

    We started on 4 lane highways, then two lane paved highways, then tailored gravel side roads…then
    no road at all just a faint indication that a vehicle had pushed its way through the brush into
    a deep dark forest.  A bull moose rises its head and lumbered out of the way.  This was wilderness.

    Leafy branches slapped the windshield and bent the car aerial back.  Mudholes.  Deep ones that shook
    the car.  Filtered light.  But the 53 Meteor was able to push its way through to a small clearing where
    we had been testing our instruments before flying to a job in western Alaska.  All very exciting to me
    and I wanted the family to share my excitement.

    “Goddamnit, Alan, you are going to wreck the car in this bastardly bush.”

    Dad was was becoming a defence attorney for the 53 Meteor
    who could only groan but not speak.

    “Turn around, for “”@#$%$”   sake.”
    “Only place where we can turn is up ahead…that clearing.”
    “You will wreck the goddamn car, Alan”
    “Taking it slow.”
    “Too goddamn slow…I want out of here now.”
    “There is a track…just can’t see it.”
    “You are nuts, Alan!”
    “Here we are.”
    “Here?…NOTHING HERE!  JUST BUSH!”

    “There is a magnetic anomaly deep under this topsoil.”
    “So what?”
    “So that is what we will be looking for under the Alaskan tundra.  Now we know
    the instruments work fine.”

    Hunting Technical and Exploration Services were paying me $400
    per month to criss cross a wilderness near the Bering Sea where there was
    evidence of a huge mineralized anomaly.    Dad was unimpressed.

    “Too bad about the flies.”
    “Too bad!  TOO BAD!  The little sons of bitches are drawing blood”
    “Can’t be helped.  Biting flies are a fact of life here and far worse in
    Alaska I am told.  Just have to tolerate them.”
    “You are a fool, Alan…must love misery…

    And that was when Dad came up with a ring of swear words that had
    never been put  together before.  If you have a sensitive vocabulary then
    do not read the next line.  He was very creative …

    “Turn the car around and get me out of this “g—————,s———————,b———— bush”

    For that line Dad became famous.

    Note: SECOND THOUGHT AMENDMENT:  I did not quote his famous string of words.  They may give a bad impression as they
    did sometimes.  Suffice it to say Dad never ever used the F word or any other suggestive
    sexual term.  He had principles that seem to be lost today.

    End of story

    alan

    PS  The worst time for fly bites is from May 24 to early Jully.  I should have
    thought of that.  Even mom was glad to get back in the car with the windows up.
    This family outing had not been a good idea.

    Let me apologize for the bad language.  Did I have to use it?    yes.  The story
    would not have deep meaning without Dad’s creativity.   Without the use of strong 
    expletives the anomaly at Kinmount would be forgotten and the clouds of
    flies would be left to torture the bull moose.

    PPS    A few years ago I was invited to speak to the U of T Women’s Club and decided
    to recall Dad’s influence on Eric and me.  One woman was overheard saying
    “those poor boys”.   We never felt that way.  Actually we were a very happy family.
    Dad provided lots of entertainment which made up for his lack of financial
    support.  Would we trade him for a more saintly father.  Not a chance.
    By the way, that speech was not well received by the U. of T women’s club.
    Marjorie said “They will not invite you again” which seems to be true.

  • EPISODE 745 CAR STORY 3: 53 METEOR “BETTER SLOW DOWN EARLY”

    EPISODE 745    CAR STORY 3: 53 METEOR  “BETTER SLOW DOWN EARLY”




    Ontario Highway 400 Photographs - Page 1 - History of Ontario's Kings Highways

    Highway 400 in 1960…not much traffic heading for North Bay….”Marjorie, better slow down
    you are getting close to that northbound car.”  “Why?” (which is the point of this story)


    Western Motorsports - Jim's 1953 Mercury Meteor

    alan skeoch
    Feb. 18, 2023

    I should not tell this story as it will only invite criticism.   When we bought the 53 Meteor in 1956 we
    had no idea that cars required maintenance.   Not just oil and gasoline.   We had very limited resources
    most of which depended on mom.  Eric, dad and I were unlikely to put money into maintenance of
    the car.  And mom had never heard of a Master Cylinder.  Nor had we really.

    So here’s the story.

    Marjorie was driving me north on the newish 400 highway on one of our trips to North Bay….about 220 miles
    north of Toronto.  Why was Marjorie driving?  Because she was a good driver and had her licence before I got
    mine.  A point which she reminded me about occasionally.

    So we were zipping along at the speed limit, perhaps 70 or 80 or 90 km per hour.  The Meteor was on the
    open highway and seemed to be enjoying itself.  Burning off any sludge in the engine.  Largely empty highway.

    But there was another car that we were overtaking.

    “Better slow down, Marjorie.”
    “No need, that car is a long way in front of us.”
    “I would slow down all the same.”
    “When I get close.”
    “Close now I would say”
    “Don’t be silly…gently apply the brakes when we get close.”
    “Close to me….I would slow down….ease foot off the accelerator now.”
    “No need yet…maybe we’ll pass him.”
    “Apply the brake.”
    “OK…YIKE…BRAKE NOT WORKING”

    Not sure if the crisis was all my fault.  I assumed Marjorie knew that brake cylinder was leaking.

    “Brakes don’t work right away.”
    “Why not?”
    “Need to pump up the maseter cylinder….hit brake pedal gently a couple of times.”
    “Why didn’t you tell me that?”
    “Forgot…did tell you to apply brakes early.”
    “Alan, we could get into an accident.”
    “Not if you baby the brakes.”
    “No body ‘babys brakes’, Alan.”
    “We do.”
    “Why?”
    “Costs money to replace the master cylinder.  We don’t have money for repairs if they
    can be avoided.
    “Alan, the 53 Meteor should not be on the road.”

    So I took over the drive.  Took about four hours to reach North Bay and then
    return.  Braking?  All that was required was a bit of pumping on the brake pedal.
    As I remember we got the leaking cylinder repaired even though not entirely necessary
    as long we slowed down in lots of time.

    I probably should not tell this story.  In normal city traffic it was easy to slow down with
    a little pumping.   A lot harder on the open highway.   Today…February 18, 2023, …Marjorie
    put her car in for route maintenance as she does regularly.  The cost will be around
    $1,000 as tires are worn down.  Back when we got the 53 Meteor we never thought 
    about maintenance.   Never had  trouble with our brakes since that incident because
    we can now afford to maintain vehicles.  Maintenance back in 1950 depended on mothers
    speedy stitching of dresses for Eaton’s catalogue where she was instructed to “make the
    front look good….the back of the dress doe not matter…speed it up.”

    alan

    P.S.  It was a very sad day when we had to send that 53 Meteor to the scrap yard.
    Almost as bad as when we had to put grandma’s Scotch Terrier down.

    There is one more car story to come.  Short story.  But the story revolves around
    Dad’s use of choice language one summer day when I wanted the family to see
    a real mining anomaly in the dense bush east of Kinmount , Ontario.  Dad really
    cut loose and I am not sure it is safe to quote him that day.



    Ontario Highway 400 Photographs - Page 1 - History of Ontario's Kings Highways

    “IF IWERE YOU MARJORIE,  I WOULD SLOW DOWN…GETTING CLOSE TO THAT CAR AHEAD….AVOID
    THE BRAKE…EASE OFF ON THE ACCELERATOR….REDUCES WEAR AND TEAR ON THE BRAKES.”

  • EPISODE 744 AN OLD MAN’S WINTER NIGHT” FARM RUINS SW OF MILTON, SIXTH LINE FEB.15, 2023

    EPISODE 744    AN OLD MAN’S WINTER NIGHT” FARM RUINS SW OF MILTON, SIXTH LINE   FEB.15, 2023


    alan skeoch
    feb.. 15, 2023


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  • EPISODE 744 AN OLD MAN’S WINTER NIGHT” FARM RUINS SW OF MILTON, SIXTH LINE FEB.15, 2023

    EPISODE 744    AN OLD MAN’S WINTER NIGHT” FARM RUINS SW OF MILTON, SIXTH LINE   FEB.15, 2023


    alan skeoch
    feb.. 15, 2023


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  • EPISODE 741 THE 53 NEARLY FLIPPED OVER WHEN DAD ZIG ZAGGED


    EPISODE 741     THE 53 NEARLY FLIPPED OVER WHEN DAD ZIG ZAGGED   

    alan  skeoch
    feb. 14, 2023


    To Dad those little pot holes were a challenge.  He tried to avoid them and failed.   If we had gone deeper into the swamp, the story
    would not be funny   Mom did try to get out the passenger side.  Imagine that.   That’s cousin Ted Freeman with the tractor




    This is the Fifth Line…in the far distance is the swamp below the hill that rises to Frenk Freeman’s farm.
    Not as full of holes as it would become when that snow melted .


    2)  Car story 2::  The 53  Meteor had an exciting life at our place.   Take the day Dad almost flipped the car
    on the fifth line when we had planned to visit Uncle Frank and Aunt Lucinda .  Their farm is just a few minutes f
    north of our farm,  We could be in their lane in less than ten minutes on a normal day.

    But it was March and the gravel road was peppered with pot holes all of which Dad decided to avoid.  He had already 
    made a fool of himself getting to the farm from Highway 7.

    “Why are you rolling the window down…..it’s cold.”
    “I have a reason.”
    “What reason?”

    (pause as we pass farm house close to road)

    “Fix your Goddamn road…FIX YOUR ROAD!!!”
    “Dad, road repairs are done by County … not farmers”
    “I don’t care who…FIX YOUr ROAD!!!”

    The Fifth Line was a mess… potholes were raising hell with the shocks
    of the 53 Meteor…and the car cried to us with each crunch.  The smashes
    were louder than dad’s yelling. 

    And things got worse.

    We were getting close to Uncle Frank and Aunt Lucinda’s farm.  Passing through
    a very swampy area.  Dad decided to zig zag.  But still managed to hit every
    pothole,  Sometimes at right angle to the road as he twisted and turned….swore
    in his melodic way.   Dad could make swear words sound like poetry.   

    THEN THINGS WENT VERY WRONG…THE SWAMP

    Then Dad swerved sharply.  The Meteor hit the soft shoulder and then down
    towards the swamp.  Bad luck with good  luck to the rescue.  The undercarriage
    of the car ground into the shoulder and the car hung there.   It happened so fast
    that Dad did not even have time to swear.

    MARJORIE and I crawled out through the drivers side passenger door…now at a 45 degree
    angle to the road.   Dad did the same.  

    Mom did not move.




    “Elsie, get out of the car!”
    “I can’t, Red…can’t move.”
    “Get out…in case it turns over.”

    (Dad was worried.  We knew that because he called mom, Elsie, rather than his
    favourite name, “Methuselum”, the name of oldest person in  the bible because mom
    was a year older than him.  So the use of Elsie’s proper name was startling.)

    “Get out, driver’s side like I did”
    “I can’t.”
    “Why not?”
    “Pinned here.”
    “Pinned?”  

    We all worried mom was badly inured.  But that was not  the case”

    “Oh, Red, you fathead.  My high heeled shoes went through the floor 
    of the car when you hit the ditch.   Cannot move.”
    “Take the goddamn shoes off and crawl out barefoot.”

    (Dad was relieved.  We knew that because he started to swear again.
    Soon he would be blaming either the road or the 53 Meteor for our trouble.
    He had one final remark though as Mom crawled out the driver’s side.”

    “Elsie, pull down your skirt.  We can see the top of your nylons.  Hardly lady like.”

    That was not the  end of the adventure.  Dad sent us up to Uncle Frank’s
    to get the Massey Harris 55 and a chain.   Cousin Ted got the tractor revved
    up and pulled us out.   Dad turned the key and the Meteor revved into life
    as usual.  

    To  save face I think Dad tried to give Teddy five bucks but Ted, amused, refused.
    Ted liked my Dad in spite of his cantankerous nature.  How do I know that?
    Because one day I was out with Ted alone and he lit up a big cigar…a White 
    Owl Invincible…the kind Dad smoked while leaning out the back window 
    of our house.   Mom put her foot down.  No smoking of cigars in the house.

    Only once did she put her foot down hard enough to go through the floorboards
    of a 53 Meteor.

    alan


    Dad, teaching our boys how to smoke a cigar.  Both boys never smoked except when we
    told stories about dad.