Author: terraviva

  • February snowstorm…truck stuck…colc


    TERRIBLE LAST WEEK  OF FEBRUARY 2019

    alan skeoch
    Feb  25, 2019


    “HELLO,  Andrew,  I am stuck at the farm…truck spinning…snowdrifts…so cold  that the brass  monkey story might be true…can you come?”

    “Not sure I can get away”

    “Put this down  as  an  emergency.”

    “Give me an hour.”

    And  so Andrew came to my  rescue.  This was  not a  day for travel but I had  a movie crew who needed our
    institutional  beds right away…residential school movie being filmed  on Six Nations Reserve…needed  beds
    that looked  as miserable  as possible..  Wind  was blowing white outs…70 car and truck  pile up on highway 400
    had  closed  highway both ways…lots of others  accidents.   Just getting to farm I passed  three cars in recent
    accident smashed  all to hell with air bags deployed.  Under the snows ice  lots  of  it.

    I was overjoyed  to reach the farm.  But the joy was short lived.  Truck  spun  off a 3 foot snowdrift into the side of the road  where tires
    just spun on  ice and drifted  snow buried back end in no time.  Even  walking to farmhouse  was tough…hands frozen because
    I took time to take these pictures.   OK, everyone say it loud  and  clear…”I Told  You So!”

    Look at those bed frames.  Beautiful! Chipped paint…so authentic that they could not be replicated by studio art people.   People don’t know
    just how valuable things  in this  condition appear to movie makers.  “Alan,  we cannot get this  kind  of set material anywhere else.”

    That kind of flattery drive me forward.  Today  I  should  have stayed  home.  

    But the effort getting the bed frames to the road  could not be cancelled…nor the effort loading the mattresses and bed boards…It took Marjorie and
    I the full day Sunday just getting these  wonderful beds ready for pick  up.  



    I sent a  note to Shane…”Do not come, road  impassable”…but he was too busy  holding on to the steering wheel of his rental  van for the and was
    blowing between 60 and  100 km per hour…white outs.  He pulled  up … two trucks on an empty road…his  and  mine.  Only his was not trapped in snow.
    He could make  a getaway. 


    Picture  above shows just how deep drifts  had become…whole farm was being scoured…Until  Andy arrived  with our tractor and  are-end snowplow.



    Wind so strong that interior of the green house was  converted  into something for a horror movie


    That’s  Shane bracing himself  as we loaded  the beds.


    Even the tractor could not pull me out…Andrew had to dig me out first.  Why  did  I not help?  Someone had to
    record the event…

    Take a close look at the road…under the snowdrifts is a solid  sheet of ice  running down  the Fifth Line.




    “Dad, is it necessary for you to get into so  much trouble, so often?”

    “Well,  Andrew I just do this so I can get payback fro  all those  years
    that I changed  your diapers, piled your pablum, gavelled in front of your teachers,  washed  your  clothes, made the meals…made your  bed…”

    “Dad, you never did any of  that…mom did it all.”

    “Right, forgot about that.  But I did keep the record with my  camera…and  am still  doing so.”

    “Now turn  the truck  around … you are free to go.”

    “Did  you see that snowplow…just covered  us with the stuff  you plowed.”

    “I will be fine…get moving before you get trapped again.”


  • Fwd: BARN RAISING, ERIN TWP, 1820, “MYSERY ON A SCRAP OF PAPER DATED 1940”

    Last name removed


    Begin forwarded message:


    From: SKEOCH <alan.skeoch@rogers.com>
    Subject: BARN RAISING, ERIN TWP, 1820, “MYSERY ON A SCRAP OF PAPER DAED 1940”
    Date: February 17, 2019 at 12:53:32 PM EST
    To: Alan Skeoch <alan.skeoch@rogers.com>



    MYSTERY FOUND ON A SCRAP OF PAPER DATED 1940

    (listen to Joelle, fiddler extraordinaire…in your imagination)


    ALAN SKEOCH
    Feb.2019


    Picture of a barn frame…It was customary for the barn builder to walk the high beams in a kind of celebration.
    Often whiskey was  involved.  This picture is not the alleged Skeoch barn on the Cruickshank property.

    AN  ODD STORY CAPTURED ON BACKSIDE OF A 1939 CALENDAR.

    alan skeoch





    By chance this scrap of paper fell from a  pile of old letters…it led  me on a trip.  Please
    Join me.


    This letter was never mailed…written about 1940.  Hard to say  the real  origin as it has been transcribed onto the back
    of a  1939/1940 calendar   Written in pencil…faded…but translated below.

    Mrs. F. Slater,
    73 Heywood St.,
    Moss side
    Manchester
    England

    Wrtten in pencil, so faint that in another decade it will be indecipherable..

    Found  among papers  and clippings I bought at an auction sale years ago


    ERIN COUNTY BARN RAISING 1820 ?

    “This is  a true story a barn raising in the early history of the settlement of Erin Township, in the County of Wellington,
    Whisky was cheap in those days and it was the custom to have a keg on hand for the barn raising. The whiskey was
    procured and  stored  in the old barn while the carpenters  were in the woods preparing the timbers for the new barn.
    The good lady paid a visit to the whiskey keg and  when the mend came in to dinner the good lady was in high good
    humour but no dinner was ready. The husband and with the help of a carpenter put up the dinner.  After  dinner they 
    went out to the barn and  getting the offending keg. They, with the aid of a rope slung it high up in rafter out of reach.
    Later in the day the good lady paid a another visit to the barn only to find the whisky out of reach, however, she set her wits
    to work going back to the house. She returned with the wood tub and the rifle setting the tub under the keg she put
    a bullet through the keg and caught the whiskey in the tub.   When the men came in to supper she was in quite good
    humour but a good  supper was prepared, after supper she told what she had  done.  She said she didn’t care so’
    much for the  whiskey but she was not going to be outwitted by the men. The next day the neighbours were called
    for the raising. the men putting up the barn, the ladies preparing the meals. By supper the last rafter was on and
    the floor laid. After supper all the young and old folks gathered  on the new barn floor.  The fiddler and caller were
    on hand then to the tune of Turkey in the Straw,  Old Irish Washerwoman, and the Scotch reels and —  On with the
    dance which was kept up until the wee hours.  Incidentally the first settler came into Erin Township in the year 1820.”






    SILLY OR MEANINGFUL?

    Was this copied from an original written 120 years earlier.  Hard to say.  This unsigned rewrite was done sometime
    in 1940.  My thoughts?  1) There may be a  kernel of truth…small kernel  2) The  story is the kind of story that
    would  be told at a one  room rural school Christmas social.   These evenings featured short plays, speeches,
    music (as mentioned) and as much humour as possible.   Women were usually  associated with the Temperance
    movement as cheap whiskey (25 cents a gallon in early 19th century) caused a lot of trouble in small communities.
    To sophisticated ears today this  story seems rather silly but mid winter socials were not sophisticated.
    Associaitons of alcohol with barn raisings was no exaggeration.although hardly mentioned in the laundered
    barn raisings.   Kernels of truth acted like sand in a clam shell.  Layers and layers of exaggerations resulted in
    a pearl of  a story.

    ALEXANDER SKEOCH..TRUTH OR FICTION

    I am not sure about the truth of the hearsay concerning Alexander Skeoch and barn raising.  One story has
    Alexander walking the top beam of the barn…a topping off ceremony.   Allegedly, He had been drinking whiskey and
    fell from the top beam.  Injured  or dead?  I have no idea.  I even suspect the story is false.  I am not even
    sure a person called Alexander Skeoch was a  barn builder.  Alexander Skeoch, however, did exist. 
     The kernel of truth came from Christina  Skeoch
    and Evan Cruickshank who assured me that a person name Alexander Skeoch did build the Cruickshank  barn.
    I have a picture of t he barn to prove its existence.  On one occasion I even entered the barn, by then a part of
    land owned by Imperial  Oil.  A huge pile of grain had  been dumped on the threshing floor and ignored since
    the grain was being eaten by a bunch of rats some of which were dead from poison.  The barn looked great
    but its future  seemed tenuous.   I have no proof that Alexander Skeoch built the barn or
    walked the high beam to celebrate or had  been drinking whiskey.  If the barn was built around  1890, then Alexander 
    Skeoch would have been 46 years  old.   A barn builder possibly.





    WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PAST AND PRESENT COME TOGETHER?

    COMMUNITY MID WINTER CELEBRATION AT WOODSIDE SCHOOL 1940   (HYPOTHETICAL)

    WINDMILL THEATRE WNTER CELEBRATION OF CELTIC MUSIC, PORT CREDIT UNITARIAN CHURCH, FEB.  2019  (REAL)


    I know this  requires a stretch of the imagination but stick with me for a moment or two.  On Feb. 16 we attended a wonderful performance at the Windmill Theatre.  A festival of Celitc Music.  As I 
    watched  and listened my mind jumped back in time to the small  farm community on the Fifth Line of Erin Township in the late 1940’s where my grandparents provided some of the music…Granddad on the violin
    playing the Devil’s Dream, Grandma singing Roses  of Picardy…and everyone else contributing with dancing or elocution (public speaking)…or food  and drink.  Drink?  No alcohol because the
    Temperance Movement had been victorious in the battle with the demon Whiskey.  Heavy drinking of cheap whiskey had damaged many  families.  It was fortunate that horses
    knew the way  home after some of those heavy drinking evenings such as barn raising celebrations. Motor vehicles  had no memory.

    So look over the pictures below,  taken Feb. 15, 2019…grainy pictures…and let your mind  roll back to Woodside School in 1940.  Someone is giving a speech on a  barn raising way back in 1820
    in Erin Township.  First, however , listen to the music.  Join in with the lyrics if you wish.

    MASTER OF CEREMONIES:

    “AND ON THE VIOLIN…FIDDLER  JOELLE”, A NEW RESIDENT ON THE FIFTH LINE, LIVING ON THE OLD MCLEAN FARM.
    JOELLE WILL PLAY A FEW REELS AND JIGS…AND THEN WATCH HER FEET AS SHE TAP DANCES  HER WAY TO YOUR HEARTS.
    JOIN IN IF YOU WISH…SING, CLAP,  DANCE…WHATEVER.  WE ARE GOING TO DISPELL THE WINTER DOLDRUMS  TONIGHT….”








    SKYE BOAT SONG

    Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,
    Onward! the sailors cry;
    Carry the lad that’s born to be King
    Over the sea to Skye.

    Loud the winds howl, loud the waves roar,
    Thunderclaps rend the air;
    Baffled, our foes stand by the shore,
    Follow they will not dare.

    DANNY BOY

    Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling,
    From glen to glen and down the mountain side;
    The summer’s gone, and all the roses falling;
    It’s you, it’s you must go, and I must bide.
    But come ye back when summer’s in the meadow,
    Or when the valley’s hushed and white with snow;
    I’ll be here in sunshine or in shadow;
    Danny boy, Oh Danny boy, I love you so.



    “My Love Is Like A Red Red Rose”



    Oh, my love is like a red, red rose 
    That’s newly sprung in June 
    Oh, my love is like a melody 
    That’s sweetly played in tune 
    As fair art thou, my bonnie lass, 
    So deep in love am I 
    And I will love thee still, my dear, 
    Till all the seas gang dry. 
    Till all the seas gang dry, my dear, 
    Till all the seas gang dry 
    And I will love thee still, my dear, 
    Till all the seas gang dry. 

    ‘Til all the seas gang dry my, my dear 
    And the rocks melt with the sun 
    And I will love thee still, my dear 
    While the sands of life shall run 
    But faretheewell, my only love 
    Oh, faretheewell a while 
    And I will come again, my love 
    Tho’ ‘t were ten thousand mile 
    Tho’ ‘t were ten thousand mile, my love 
    Tho’ ‘t were ten thousand mile 
    And I will come again, my love 
    Tho’ ‘t were ten thousand mile.



    GONE  NOW?  MAYBE NOT!  

    Gone now.  The local mid winter community gatherings at Woodside School.   Television killed them dead  as  a  door nail.  Entertainment just
    got too professional .  Corny homespun entertainment died.   I was lucky to be around just before these amateur evenings faded away.  I think
    the story of the barn raising that I rescued from a scribbled note on an old piece of calendar was written to be performed.   When the farm families
    around  Woodside school organized a social evening everyone was expected to play a role.  Some would sing, some play the fiddle or the pump organ,
    some would  dance … and , always, some would tell stories of the old days.  That is what i think that scrap notation of a barn raising in Erin Township,
    Wellington County was meant to record.   The barn raising described likely never happened.  The facts were never allowed to get in the way of a good
    story.   Facts  can be embellished.  So here is the barn raising story in my words.

    BARN RAISING STORY FROM  THE OLD DAYS

    “I was there when the first barn in the township was erected.”
    “That was  1820…this is  1940…that was 120 years ago…you couldn’t have been there.”
    “OK…OK..I heard this story from my grandmother.”

    “Seems the  wife got into the whisky while the men were in the bush squaring timbers for the new barn.  She drank 
    a couple of dippers full and  fell asleep.  When the men came home they expected a big meal but got nothing.  So
    my Grandfather rustled up a quick meal and let the men have some goodly cups of whiskey before the went back
    to the bush.  “What if she gets at the whisky again?”
    “She won’t.” 
    “How can you be sure?”
    “Because we are going to string the keg up on the high beam where she can’t reach.”
    The men raised the whiskey high above the threshing floor…thought they had outwitted 
    the farm wife.”
    “Not so, when she saw the barrel high in the air she went back to the house and got the rifle
    and the wooden wash bucket.  Placed the bucket on the floor and then put a bullet through
    the barrel.  Pow!  Out poured the whiskey which was caught in the bucket.  When the men came
    back expecting the a big barn raising mean, they got nothing. 
     SHE WAS ASLEEP AND THE  WHISKEY WAS GONE.
    No huge  dinner and no whiskey.
    “Why no whiskey? There should have been lots in the wooden tub.”
    “Tub had dried out…leaked the whiskey onto the new threshing floor…a kind of baptism.”
    “ And That’s why we do not have whiskey at barn raisings anymore.”


    ALAN SKEOCH
    FEB. 2019


  • John Skeoch’s Threshing outfit , Roverhurst, Sask, 1927

    While  thrashing his wheat crop of 1927, John  Skeoch hired a photographer to capture  just how

    much he had  invested in his enterprise…Steam Tractor,  Threshing machine,  hay wagons, hired help (and neighbours).
    This was  no small venture.   While the home farm was in  Fergus, Ontario, the Skeoch brothers also had  sections (640 acre sections)
    near Riverhurst, Saskatchewan.   John and his  wife Anne lived  in the west … built a  stone house as was the custom with Scottish
    farmers.  That proved to be an error as large numbers of Garter snakes also like the stone foundations.  Eventually the house had
    to be abandoned.  No  matter…the wheat crops were terrific.  (P.S.  I like the word thrashing better than threshing…as in “I will give you
    a good thrashing”…That’s what they  did to the wheat tassels.)

    Re:Photo…a little lobsided …had to do this  to avoid glare.

    alan skeoch
    Feb. 2019


    When Marjorie, Kevin, Andrew and  I visited the Keillor farm (village nearest to the Skeoch farms)… the ruins of these machine were part of  uncle John”s graveyard for vintage implements.  We did not have much
    time to appreciate them though because  a big windstorm blew up and we had a hell of a time holding down  our tent.  My pants  disappeared  in that windstorm.   Next morning we had
    breakfast with Aunt Anne  and  Uncle John in the stone farm house.  Yes, the snakes were there…peeping  at us  through cracks in the stone wall…and  curled up in the coffee cups.  You are probably wondering
    about my pants.  Maybe you think I had breakfast in my underwear.  Let me leave that tough in your head.

    alan skeoch
    Feb. 2019
  • 1955 camping trip…March….Easterb break coming Etobicoke Creek

    THINGS WERE DIFFERENT THEN….1955…INNOCENCE 

    (Camping trip … Easter Break 1955)

    “What’s up?”
    “Easter Break coming…”
    “Let’s go on a camping trip…the three of us.”
    “Where?”
    “Etobicoke Creek is  nice and  wild…abandoned  farms.”
    “How?”
    “Well, we could hitch hike part of the way, as usual.”
    “Hey Al, remember the potato farmer last summer?”
    “You guys just laughed at me…I was in the front seat…you two in the back… laughing.”
    “He  wanted to know your sex life…”
    “What sex life?”
    “Precisely.”
    “Hitch hiking is  interesting…that time we hitch hiked up to Lake Simcoe..”
    “Got rides right away…only odd  character was that potato farmer.”
    “Sort of sad guy when I think about it.”
    “You should  have invented a sex life, Al…told him what he wanted to hear.”
    “Actually I felt sorry for him…and embarrassed.”

    Those were the days, mid 1950’s, when the small world  in which we lived was quite innocent even though
    just ten years earlier the world had been ravaged by a war that tore the innocence away from many people.
    Canada had changed.  Lots of jobs…wealth increasing.  Also massive immigration of people from 
    Europe including the former enemy nations of Germany and Italy…and Eastern Europe.  We lived in
    a nation which had  been shielded from the blood letting.  Teen  agers  in Canada felt free and safe.

    “So let’s pack up and  head for Etobicoke…three or four nights under the stars.”
    “Food?”
    “Maybe try a  steak first night…then Kraft dinner for rest of trip.”



    “Just pile our gear beside the highway.,,stick out your thumbs Russ and  Jim…”
    “My Humberside football jacket should help.”
    “Jesus, the first car stopped.”
    “Hi, boys, where you going?”
    “Etobicoke …west of Highway 27 along Burnhamthorpe Road.”
    “Pile your stuff in the back…I can get you outside  the city.”
    “We  want to camp along the Creek.”
    “Lots of empty spots there now…nobody to bother you.”
    “Why are so many of those farms abandoned?”
    “Not abandoned…soon be a different forest of new houses….Toronto is changing big time.”
    “We love exploring the empty farm barns…”
    “Cold  nights boys…frost.”
    “But feels like everything is about to burst into life…smells wonderful.”
    “How old  are you guys?”
    “Sixteen or so.”
    “Lucky generation…everything is going to fall your way…jobs, marriage, homes,..you will
    have your own cars  even.”
    “Not so sure  abut that.”
    “Just you wait and  see…”



    And so the three of us took off for the  wilds of Etobicoke.  Russ Vanstone, Jim Romaniuk and  Alan  Skeoch.   1955.  Explorers of a  sort.
    Ready to face the brave new world.   Breaking free.  Carrying what we needed.  Except for one mistake that camping trip.  We did
    pack three ‘minute steaks’ but forgot to bring knives, forks and  spoons.  Eating with our hands  was OK though…and we had
    our Boy Scout knives.


    “Hey Russ, there’s water in the well.”
    “Use that stick as a pump handle…”
    “Should  we drink the water?”
    “Sure…those little chunks are just fleck of rotten wood…skim them.”
    “Shouldn’t we use the Creek water?”
    “We could…although remember when we were diving
    off the old iron bridge last summer and someone said 
    the muck below the water was sewage.”
    “Didn’t kill us.”
    “Let’s trust this  pump.”


    “Cold  night.”
    “But sun is out now…swim is  possible.”
    “Bragging rights…did you know we swam across a 
    raging river on our Easter Break.”
    “Make it sound big.”



    Exporers


    The Campsite…all  kinds of stuff floating in the river that we could use.


    Along with our gear we even packed a  few books.  No flies to bother us in March  of 1955.  Flies wild come later in the year.

    “Hey Al, Look over here…dead horse floating in the Creek.”
    “Sure enough.”
    “Must have died over the winter.”
    “Or worse…maybe shot by one of the farmers  as he
    left the farm.”
    “Glad  we didn’t drink the water.”


    Alan Skeoch, cooking.  Jim Romaniuk drying himself off after swimming across the raging Etobicoke Creek.

    TEST:  Compose a list of our camping gear using this picture asa guide.

    NOTE:  RUSS Vanstones Humberside Football jacket .  All three of us were on the team, none of us
    in exalted postions.  That would come in time.

    CONCLUSION

    On a clear day in January 2018, I drove west along Burnhamthorpe Road from Highway 427…a trip I had avoided for decades because
    I wanted the memory of this camping trip in 1955 to never be wiped  out.  Feared that the place would be covered in houses…the barns all
    gone…the  dead horse now a skeleton somewhere out on the bottom of Lake Ontario.   But I was  surprised.  This spot where we
    camped is  unchanged.  It became a park.  And the raging river looks much like it does in these pictures.

    WHY GO CAMPING?  

    We went for the joy of it.  Not because there was  nothing else to do.  We played football, basketball…were members of the Presbyterian  
    Young Peoples Society, Boy Scouts, Drama Society…and we were very interested in girls even though they were less interested in us.
    Camping was, however,  a top priority.  Why?  Because of the challenge of the raging river.  We swam across that river often…It was  so
    dangerous that we took along an inflated air mattress just in case the river swept us down to Lake Ontario.

    alan skeoch
    Feb. 2019

  • ANY SNAKES? THE CRUEL SAGA OF THE ONTSRIO VIPER


    ALAN SKEOCH
    FEB. 2019
    (supplement to Ten Years  in the Wilderness)


      THE DANGEROUS ONTARIO VIPER:  A CRUEL JOKE

    “Any snakes?”
    “Yes, watch out for the Ontario Viper.”
    “Ontario viper?”
    “Deadly?…many around here?”
    “Lots…they love swamps like this.”

    Picture: Much of the 2400 hectare Beverly Swamp looked like this picture only the clumps of trees were cedars.  The water was
    shallow, maybe a foot or two in most places.  But occasionally!!!  Occasionally there were deep holes where clumps of cedars
    had been blown over.  These holes could be 3 or 4 feet deep.  “And?”  And I am not proud of what happened here. Sometimes 
    jokes are just not funny in retrospect.


    Picture:   Notice the person in the high hip waders.  His name is Maxie Ranasigh.   He feared snakes  would get him.  That was  all
    we needed to know.  “Let’s have some fun with Maxie.”   What followed was a very bad joke.

    ANY SNAKES?

    The snake incident makes  me flinch when I think about even now…65 years later.
    Let’s call it ‘the Ontario Viper’ saga.  You will think less of us after reading this confession, that’s for sure.
     Remember we were 19 or 20 when this  grand idea popped into our
    heads.  And we were doing a seismic job through the Beverly Swamp, a  2400 hectare wild land south of
    Hamilton.   Dan B. was my partner on that seismic job.  In addition we were assigned  a  Colombo Plan
    geophysicist from Ceylon named Maxi Ranasingh.   I’m afraid we did not set a fine example of
    Canadian graciousness.  What we thought was funny some readers may consider tasteless … even gross.


    Picture:  You are looking at the ONTARIO VIPER….commonly known as the HARMLESS GARTER SNAKE…but Maxie did not know that.


    “These Canadian swamps  can be dangerous, Maxie.  So be Careful.”
    “Why?  What danger?
    “The deadly Ontario viper could  be in here?”
    “Ontario viper?”
    “Deadliest snake in Canada…perhaps three feet long, dark green with a thin red  stripe “
    “Any in this  swamp?”
    “They are everywhere.”
    “I got these hip waders to avoid getting wet.  Will they also protect me?”
    “Should  do unless you accidentally step into a big swamp hole and a viper crawls down inside the hip wader.”
    “You boys  lead on.”



    And so  we entered  a long stretch of the Beverly swamp that looked much like the photo
    …trees that loved water, mostly clusters of cedars.  Some of these clusters had been toppled
    by a windstorm thereby creating deep holes in the normally shallow swamp.  Dan and I stirred  up
    the mud and broken tree roots as  we crossed  through one of these holes…a  deep one.  

    “Carefull, Dan, this  looks like s deep one.”
    “Keep the instrument high.”

    “Did you tell Maxi about the hole?”
    “No, did you?”
    “Nope.”
    “Then he doesn’t know the hole is about three feet deep?”
    “He has no idea.”

    Then Maxie stepped in the hole.  Suubmerged up to his ass Black gucky water poured into his  hip waders…
     pieces of tree roots that could seem like snakes  with a little
    imagination.   Maybe an Ontario viper slipped down
    his legs along with all the guck.

    “MY waders are full!…I can’t move…slimy things down my legs…”

    No easy escape.  The water filled waders were like the cement overshoes in gang murders.  Maxie could
    barely move.  He tumbled his way to a clearing.  Scared for sure. 

    Now Dan and I thought this was really funny.  We even considered it part of Maxie’a education…the practical
    side of being a  geophysicist.   Whenever a new person joined s field crew, jokes like this were rampant.  Like 
    Scratching the tent wall simulating a bear when the new guy is wrapped up in his sleeping bag.   Or hiding
    his fly net when the black flies  were at their worst.  Or making sure the worms in the bacon slab are visible
    and not removed.  Or telling stories abut bush planes that crash.  “Those seabees fall like rocks if the engine falls, no
    glide.”   Or putting pine gum on the sitting bar at the latrine.  Or telling a new guy that pike are delicious and
    bone free.  Or stopping suddenly…”Did you hear that? We’re being tracked by a wolverine.”  Or telling a new 
    guy why we do not carry guns…”Danger we might shoot each other…cooped up together breeds hatred.”
    Or be careful with the Forcite…”slide the detonator in slowly…if there is too much friction it could explode.”

    The chances  to pick on a new man were almost infinite.

    But the joke on Maxi backfired.  I still feel badly about it.

    After Maxie emptied his hip waders and after we were through laughing we queried Maxie 
    on snakes in Ceylon (now Sri Lanka).

    “Any vipers in Ceylon, Maxie?”
    ‘Many of them…and other deadly snakes well.”
    :Deadly?”
    “If bitten, a victim has about 30 to 60 minutes to get to a hospital or die.”
    “No joke, Maxie?   Are snakes that deadly common?”
    “Very common in certain places.”
    “Names?”
    “Sea snake, Saw Scaled Viper  (kills 5,000 people annually) , Russels’s Viper (kills 25,000 people annually), Hump Nosed Viper, Green Pit Viper, Common Krait (KILLS 10,000 per year in India), Common Cobra, Ceylon Krait, …
    all are very bad.  One kind  of cobra can spit its venom up to 3 metres away.  That’s 10 feet.  Snakes in my country are not funny.  And there are lots of them.
    “How many?”
     “We have more than 93 snake varieties…many deadly snakes. Of the five most dangerous snakes in the world, three of them
    are in my country. Ceylon has the highest rate of snakebite deaths in the world.”

    NO LAUGHING MATTER…OBVIOUSLY WE WERE EMBARASSED.

    You might be surprised to know that these facts made our little joke less  funny.  Below are four of the most deadly snakes that Maxie Ranasingh  could have described
    if we could have stopped laughing at our joke as he struggled to pull off his hip waders.

    Common krait[edit]

    Common krait (Bungarus caeruleus)

    The common krait (Bungarus caeruleus) is often considered to be the most dangerous snake species in India. Its venom consists mostly of powerful neurotoxins which induce muscle paralysis. Clinically, its venom contains presynaptic and postsynaptic neurotoxins,[67] which generally affect the nerve endings near the synaptic cleft of the brain. Due to the fact that krait venom contains many presynaptic neurotoxins, patients bitten will often not respond to antivenom because once paralysis has developed it is not reversible.[68] This species causes an estimated 10,000 fatalities per year in India alone.[66] There is a 70-80% mortality rate in cases where there is no possible or poor and ineffective treatment (e.g., no use of mechanical ventilation, low quantities of antivenom, poor management of possible infection). Average venom yield per bite is 10 mg (Brown, 1973), 8 to 20 mg (dry weight) (U.S. Dept. Navy, 1968), and 8 to 12 mg (dry weight) (Minton, 1974).[67] The lethal adult human dose is 2.5 mg.[68][69] In mice, the LD50 values of its venom are 0.365 mg/kg SC, 0.169 mg/kg IV and 0.089 mg/kg IP.[15] 



    Russell’s viper[edit]

    Russell’s viper (Daboia russelii)

    Russell’s viper (Daboia russelii) produces one of the most excruciatingly painful bites of all venomous snakes. Internal bleeding is common. Bruising, blistering and necrosis may appear relatively quickly as well.[70] The Russell’s viper is irritable, short-tempered and a very aggressive snake by nature and when irritated, coils tightly, hisses, and strikes with lightning speed. This species is responsible for more human fatalities in India than any other snake species, causing an estimated 25,000 fatalities annually.[66] The LD50 in mice, which is used as a possible indicator of snake venom toxicity, is as follows: 0.133 mg/kg intravenous, 0.40 mg/kg intraperitoneal, and about 0.75 mg/kg subcutaneous.[71] For most humans, a lethal dose is approximately 40–70 mg. However, the quantity of venom produced by individual specimens is considerable. Reported venom yields for adult specimens range from 130–250 mg to 150–250 mg to 21–268 mg. For 13 juveniles with an average length of 79 cm, the average venom yield was 8–79 mg (mean 45 mg).[13]




    Saw-scaled viper[edit]

    Saw-scaled viper (Echis carinatus)

    The Saw-scaled viper (Echis carinatus) is small, but its unpredictability, aggressive temper, and lethal venom potency make it very dangerous. This species is one of the fastest striking snakes in the world, and mortality rates for those bitten are very high. In India alone, the saw-scaled viper is responsible for an estimated 5,000 human fatalities annually.[66] However, because it ranges from Pakistan, India (in rocky regions of Maharashtra, Rajasthan, Uttar Pradesh and Punjab), Sri Lanka, parts of the Middle East and Africa north of the equator,[72] is believed to cause more human fatalities every year than any other snake species.[73] In drier regions of the African continent, such as sahels and savannas, the saw-scaled vipers inflict up to 90% of all bites.[74] The rate of envenomation is over 80%.[75] The saw-scaled viper also produces a particularly painful bite. This species produces on the average of about 18 mg of dry venom by weight, with a recorded maximum of 72 mg. It may inject as much as 12 mg, whereas the lethal dose for an adult human is estimated to be only 5 mg.[18] Envenomation results in local symptoms as well as severe systemic symptoms that may prove fatal. Local symptoms include swelling and intense pain, which appear within minutes of a bite. In very bad cases the swelling may extend up the entire affected limb within 12–24 hours and blisters form on the skin.[76] Of the more dangerous systemic symptoms, hemorrhage and coagulation defects are the most striking. Hematemesismelenahemoptysishematuria and epistaxis also occur and may lead to hypovolemic shock. Almost all patients develop oliguriaor anuria within a few hours to as late as 6 days post bite. In some cases, kidney dialysis is necessary due to acute renal failure (ARF), but this is not often caused by hypotension. It is more often the result of intravascular hemolysis, which occurs in about half of all cases. In other cases, ARF is often caused by disseminated intravascular coagulation.[76]


    Philippine cobra[edit]

    Philippine cobra (naga philippinensis)

    The Philippine cobra (Naga philippinensis) is one of the most venomous cobra species in the world based on murine LD50 studies. The average subcutaneous LD50 for this species is 0.20 mg/kg.[15] The lowest LD50 reported value for this snake is 0.14 mg/kg SC, while the highest is 0.48 mg/kg SC.[115] and the average venom yield per bite is 90–100 mg.[15] The venom of the Philippine cobra is a potent postsynaptic neurotoxin which affects respiratory function and can cause neurotoxicity and respiratory paralysis, as the neurotoxins interrupt the transmission of nerve signals by binding to the neuromuscular junctions near the muscles. Research has shown its venom is purely a neurotoxin, with no apparent necrotizing components and no cardiotoxins. These snakes are capable of accurately spitting their venom at a target up to 3 metres (9.8 ft) away. Bites from this species produce prominent neurotoxicity and are considered especially dangerous. A study of 39 patients envenomed by the Philippine cobra was conducted in 1988. Neurotoxicity occurred in 38 cases and was the predominant clinical feature. Complete Respiratory failure developed in 19 patients, and was often rapid in onset; in three cases, apnea occurred within just 30 minutes of the bite. There were two deaths, both in patients who were moribund upon arrival at the hospital. Three patients developed necrosis, and 14 individuals with systemic symptoms had no local swelling at all. Both cardiotoxicity and reliable nonspecific signs of envenoming were absent. Bites by the Philippine cobra produce a distinctive clinical picture characterized by severe neurotoxicity of rapid onset and minimal local tissue damage.[116]





    Playing childish tricks of newcomers on survey crews is not new.   But this  joke on Maxie backfired  badly.  He had every reason to 
    be fearful as deaths from snakebite in Sri Lanka is the highest in the world.  We did knot know that.  All we knew was that Maxie
    had never been in the wild lands of Canada.  Wile lands?  The Beverly Swamp is huge…2400 hectares …but it is also part
    of the City of Hamilton.  Hardly a wild land.


    DO YOU WANT ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF INSENSITIVITY?  

    THE WORST JOKE I EVER WITNESSED IN THE BUSH:  CRUEL

     The worst trick  ever played on one of my crews was
    played on Dick Wilson.  Dick was a  mild mannered  young man who had a terrible stutter.   He could  never complete
    a  ssssetntence  wwwwwithout ssssstuttering.  We were working in Northern Quebec near Chibougamau back in 1956
    when one rather insensitive practical jokers on our crew  devised a wonderful (?) practical joke using a long sharpened sampling.
    One dark night he waited at the base of our latrine which was located on a rock outcrop.   When Dick Wilson dropped his pants
    and sat on the latrine seat (a length of poplar lashed to two trees)…the joker shoved the sharpened stick up and scratched
    Dick Wilson on the ass   Dick ran down the outcrop to our tents where he tried to say:

    “BBBBear ccccclawed mime noon the aaasss.”    

    I did not think that was a very funny joke at the time.   To others it was hilarious.   Poor Dick Wilson was a target for many
    so called  jokes.  I was  the youngest person on that crew and got my share of jokes.  Jokes  at my expense.  But Dick
    Wilson was the most vulnerable because he stuttered.  Do wild  animals pick on the  weakest in the litter?  Male bears 
    will kill cubs if they can get them.  Maybe the weak are always targets from the strong.  Wilson worried  about going
    bald.  

    “I think I am growing bbbbald.”  he stuttered on one occasions.
    “If you cut all your hair and  shave your head, then a full head of hair will grow back.”  suggested
    one of the crew.
    “Really?  Help me cut is  all  off.”

    Dicks’s hair did  not grow back.

    SOME will find this behaviour infantile, insensitive and classic examples  of bullying.  Probably true.   Pretend  you did
    not read these  silly examples.

    ALAN SKEOCH
    FEB. 2019