{"id":7107,"date":"2020-12-22T21:39:35","date_gmt":"2020-12-23T02:39:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=7107"},"modified":"2020-12-22T21:47:55","modified_gmt":"2020-12-23T02:47:55","slug":"episode-203-elsie-and-red-skeoch-so-very-human","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=7107","title":{"rendered":"EPISODE 203 ELSIE AND RED SKEOCH ,,, SO VERY HUMAN"},"content":{"rendered":"
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EPISODE 203     ELSIE AND RED  SKEOCH\u2026PARENTS<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
alan skeoch<\/div>\n
DEc. 2020<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
If you are easily offended stop reading now\u2026wait for another episode\u2026avoid this episode<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n


<\/div>\n
\u201cNOW,  Kevin, let me tell you how to smoke a good cigar.<\/div>\n
First you nibble the round end\u2026bite off a small chunk and spit it out\u2026anywhere.<\/div>\n
Next  you remove the label\u2026White Owl  Invincible\u2026expensive cigars.<\/div>\n
Next  you lick the cigar like  it is a popsicle\u2026get the taste of the cigar leaves\u2026moisten  the cigar.<\/div>\n
Next  you get a good wood match, strike it on your Jeans and  put the flame to the open end.<\/div>\n
Next  you take a puff..couple of  puffs\u2026not so much that you choke.<\/div>\n
Next  you breathe out the cigar smoke before it gets too deep in your lungs.<\/div>\n
Next  you now know how to smoke a fine cigar.\u201d<\/div>\n
A fine  cigar is a showpiece.”<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
(*Avoid getting judgmental.  Both boys do not smoke  ,..except for a cigar in memory of  Dad on rare occasions\u2026very rare)<\/div>\n
And neither do they  drink very much.  Now men with their own families.)<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

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\n
\u201cGrandpa,  why does grandma insist  you smoke in the back yard or up at the corner of the street?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cI do not rightly know Kevin.   Women\u2026your Grandmother in particular..are very hard to understand.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAND why does grandma put your Limberger Cheese in the clothespin bag and reel it to the back pole?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAs I said before, women  are hard to understand\u2026as you will discover in due time.\u201d<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\u201cAnd why do you call Grandma  \u201cMethusalum\u201d ?<\/div>\n
\u201cNow that I can answer.  Methusalah was the oldest person in the Bible.  And \u201cMethooz\u201d is older than me.  I like to remind<\/div>\n
her of that.  Why do you say Methusalum rather than Mefhusalah? \u201c<\/div>\n
\u201cSound better\u2026has a nice  ring to it.  I have improved the Bible.\u201d  The short<\/div>\n
 form is even better\u2026.\u201dMethooz”<\/div>\n
“Does she  like that name?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cShe has never objected.   You want to know something interesting Kevin?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYour Dad and your uncle\u2026Alan and Eric\u2026did not know her real name was Elsie  for the longest time.”<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
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<\/div>\n
Life can be very strange.  We thought everyone had a mother snd father<\/div>\n
similar to ours when we  were small.  The older we  got the more we<\/div>\n
realized the Skeoch – Freeman  sets of grandparents were very different.<\/div>\n
Both sets marvellous.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
But the one thing we never appreciated was the way Mom held everything<\/div>\n
together.  We took her for granted.  Being taken for granted is a rather backhanded<\/div>\n
compliment.  She  seemed to like it that way.  No hugging  and  kissing.   Just the<\/div>\n
warm  feeling that no matter what went wrong in our lives our home was<\/div>\n
the safest, most forgiving, place.   <\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Mom, as I have mentioned, was a seamstress.   She could make  a sewing machine<\/div>\n
do wondrous things. Her income came  from the sweatshops of Toronto.  For Eaton\u2019s<\/div>\n
she  made dresses as advertised in the Eaton\u2019s catalogue and was  told \u201cmake the  front<\/div>\n
look nice\u2026do not worry about the back.\u201d  <\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
So mom worked with other women.  Lots of them.  Eric and I felt we had dozens of mothers<\/div>\n
because mom made sure we met all her friends who seemed to love  us\u2026like Joyce Bannon<\/div>\n
and Annie Smith in the picture with Mom and  Dad.  Her friends all gave  us boxes of chocolates<\/div>\n
each Christmas.   So we  lived in a circle of women.  Not men.   Dad was the only man.<\/div>\n
Which leads me to one  of the most endearing stories about him.  I may have told this<\/div>\n
story before but it is worth hearing again and  again.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Mom and dad lived in a rooming  house at the time\u2026house full of women machine operators.  Dad was<\/div>\n
the only man.  Which he did not particularly like.  \u201cToo many goddamn women.\u201d   Goddamn<\/div>\n
was one  of  his favourite words as was \u2018son of a bitch\u2019 and \u2018bastard\u201d.   Manly, right?<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Well  dad arrived home one night and found Joyce in the apartment with mom\u2026I was<\/div>\n
a baby in the crib.   Dad did not like this.  He had to do something to assert his<\/div>\n
manly nature.  Ahah!   The radio\u2026a big floor model.  Dad went over to the radio<\/div>\n
and said loudly.  \u201cLook at this Mathooz, I can write my name in the dust.\u201d<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Then Joyce piped up with one of the best Zingers I have every heard.  “Oh, Red,<\/div>\n
isn\u2019t it wonderful to have an education?\u201d   <\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
We have told that story over and over in our family.  So many times that <\/div>\n
even Dad gets a grin on his face.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
A weird thing happened a few years ago when  I was asked to be the<\/div>\n
guest speaker at the University of Toronto Women\u2019s club.  I thought the women<\/div>\n
would enjoy stories about Dad.  I was wrong.  There was a dead silence<\/div>\n
most of the time.  A silence that got deeper and deeper with each<\/div>\n
story.  At the end, my high school French teacher whispered to me.<\/div>\n
\u201cYou poor boy!\u201d<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
She missed the point completely.  Mom and dad were terrific people who<\/div>\n
kept Eric and i feeling lucky to have such interesting  parents.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Here is the opening of that speech.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\u201cLadies, my father, Red Skeoch, loved nicknames.  He  never called us Alan<\/div>\n
or Eric.  Most often  he referred to us this way.  \u201cI have two sons, one is<\/div>\n
a gutsy bugger and the other is as stupid Joe\u2019s dog.\u201d   This was flattery.<\/div>\n
Dad spoke in opposites a lot of the time.  He called me a \u2018goddamn fool\u2019<\/div>\n
most of the time which meant he like me.  I knew that.  Was I the gutsy<\/div>\n
bugger or the son that was stupid as Joe\u2019s dog?   My brother when<\/div>\n
he became a teen ager called Dad up on that term.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\u201cDad, that expression \u2018stupid as Joe\u2019s dog\u2019 makes no sense.  Just how<\/div>\n
stupid was Joe\u2019s dog?\u201d<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Dad got a gun on his face that was a mile wide. He  had been waiting years<\/div>\n
for that question.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\u201cEric,  Joe\u2019s dog was so stupid  he jumped over nine bitches to screw his own shadow.\u201d<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
That was the introduction to my speech.  No one laughed.   And I still had 40 or 60<\/div>\n
minutes to speak.  So I kept the stories flowing.  And the silenced deepened.<\/div>\n
Hence the term \u201cYou poor boy\u201d.  <\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Marjorie commented that it was unlikely  I would be asked back to speak again.<\/div>\n
And I have not.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Some of you have heard these stories before.  They are worth repeating.<\/div>\n
Mom and dad were so goddamn human.  Makes me cry.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
So many more stories.  Outlandish  But, oh, so human.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
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<\/div>\n
I only ever brought one of my girlfriends home.  That was Marjorie.  She and dad got along perfectly.  His<\/div>\n
extremes of behaviour were accepted.  Once he knew that there was nothing Marjorie  could do wrong.<\/div>\n
She had  to give up trying to breast feed our boys because dad showed up at our house every day… it seemed.<\/div>\n
I think Dad  liked  Marjorie more than he liked the horses where he blew all his money.  And when<\/div>\n
Marjorie showed an interest in the racetracks  of southern Ontario, dad thought she was a perfect<\/div>\n
person.   <\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
alan skeoch<\/div>\n
Dec 2020<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
P.S\/  \u201cShould I send this or not, Marjorie?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cThe only part I do not like is that definition of Joe\u2019s dog\u2026crude\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cDad would never have said that in your presence.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cI guess Joe\u2019s dog cannot be avoided\u2026certainly removes<\/div>\n
you from the Speakers Club.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cI am not sure about that\u2026look at what Trump has said.”<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

EPISODE 203     ELSIE AND RED  SKEOCH\u2026PARENTS alan skeoch DEc. 2020 If you are easily offended stop reading now\u2026wait for another episode\u2026avoid this episode \u201cNOW,  Kevin, let me tell you how to smoke a good cigar. First you nibble the round end\u2026bite off a small chunk and spit it out\u2026anywhere. Next  you remove the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7107","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7107","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7107"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7107\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7107"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7107"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7107"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}