{"id":4738,"date":"2020-03-26T12:17:58","date_gmt":"2020-03-26T16:17:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=4738"},"modified":"2020-03-26T12:21:52","modified_gmt":"2020-03-26T16:21:52","slug":"day-14-covid-19-pandemic-march-26-2020","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=4738","title":{"rendered":"DAY 14 COVID 19 PANDEMIC MARCH 26, 2020"},"content":{"rendered":"
DAY 14 COVID 19 PANDEMIC   MARCH 26, 2020  <\/font><\/p>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
ALAN SKEOCH<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
I think it is time for a little background information.  Self-centred I admit.<\/font><\/div>\n
 NO one has asked me to continue the Niagara Falls<\/font><\/p>\n
caper which is  just as well since the other two incidents make me look stupid but not as stupid<\/font><\/div>\n
as the Navy Island breakfast incident.  Instead I thought a little background<\/font><\/div>\n
might be useful.  Those of you offended by the F word should take note and<\/font><\/div>\n
press delete.
<\/font><\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
1)  My NICKNAME WAS ONCE \u2018FUCKING AL\u2019\u2026A COMPLIMENT I THINK<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
 WELL the 13th day of isolation has ended and 14th begins.  Today I did not get up at 8 but just read a book<\/font><\/div>\n
for a bit.  Then dressed\u2026same stuff as yesterday\u2026had a coffee\u2026picked up the Star delivered<\/font><\/div>\n
to our front door and looked first for the political cartoon.  A good one with that lump Trump surrounded<\/font><\/div>\n
by COVID 19 PURPLE PRICKLY BALLS with the heading \u2018Virus Spreader In Chief\u2019. Then I began typing<\/font><\/div>\n
my Niagara Caper that sure got a reaction from one reader who called an \u2018f\u2014\u2014g idiot\u2019\u2026I assume<\/font><\/div>\n
in jest.  Our near death over Niagara Falls seems to have amused many of you which casts me<\/font><\/div>\n
as an entertainer.   Got me a bit worried because my former boss on that job, Dr. Norman Paterson,<\/font><\/div>\n
gets this journal.   He did not know about that Sunday morning use of his little rented motor boat.  <\/font><\/div>\n
\u201cMarjorie, if Norm calls tell him you had a good time that day.\u201d  Funny thing, I did not edit the story<\/font><\/div>\n
because I  pushed the wrong bloody button and whoosh away went the story with at least one<\/font><\/div>\n
amusing error when I commented on Marjorie\u2019s seductive brown \u2018sleepless\u2019 blouse.  I meant to say \u2018sleeveless\u2019<\/font><\/div>\n
but the word sleepless shows my evil intent.  Is that a Freudian slip?<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
Writing this journal takes most hours of the day.  Self-centred article here but what the hell.<\/font><\/div>\n
So I hope it has some value.  One person said<\/font><\/div>\n
she doesn\u2019t read my scribbling so I said \u2018No problem, I\u2019ll delete you.\u2019 to which she responded \u2018Oh, don\u2019t do that\u2019.<\/font><\/div>\n
Maybe the occasional use of SOB and other expletives was offensive.  If truth be told, my mining<\/font><\/div>\n
days featured the F word more often.  One of my most amusing associates  could put the F word<\/font><\/div>\n
ahead of every word in a sentence.  He called me ‘Fucking Al\u2019 and meant it as a compliment. Floyd F.<\/font><\/div>\n
was the hardest working man I have ever met. A diamond.  At my age he had been a cage man<\/font><\/div>\n
in a Kirkland Lake mine.  Quit when the cage failed\u2026dropped free down the shaft\u2026turned his<\/font><\/div>\n
friend the other cage man into a pile of jelly with bones sticking out.  Floyd Decided to work on the surface.<\/font><\/div>\n
 We  lived together for three months in<\/font><\/div>\n
the most god forsaken spot on the Groundhog River. Flown in and forgotten.  Wormy meat was <\/font><\/div>\n
a treasure.  Raw oatmeal a standard.  A chocolate bar was something to dream about.<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
various jobs in various places around he world.  Mayo Landing, Yukon, Chibougamau Quebec, Southern Ireland<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
My good friends Jim Romaniuk and Russ Vanstone signed me up to an American lonely hearts club.<\/font><\/div>\n
A huge bundle of lavender smelling letters arrived at our first food drop by a Beaver float plane flying out of<\/font><\/div>\n
South Porcupine.  \u201cHey, Fucking Al, who sent you all those fucking letters?\u201d  \u201cI have no fucking idea.\u201d<\/font><\/div>\n
(I picked up the use of the word from Floyd that summer.)  \u201cThey stink\u2026perfume\u2019  And so we suddenly<\/font><\/div>\n
had entertainment.  Girls offering to come and live with us if we sent $100.  Some wanting marriage. Others<\/font><\/div>\n
just wanting to talk to a man.  Sad letters.  But fun.  \u201cMarjorie asked me what happened to the letters?\u201d<\/font><\/div>\n
\u201cAs soon as the Air Canada plane set down in Toronto, Jim Romaniuk and Russ Vanstone were there<\/font><\/div>\n
to greet me.   \u201cDid you bring the letters, Al,\u201d said Jim and we never saw the letters again.  Not sure<\/font><\/div>\n
if he shared them with Russ.  Jim has passed on but Russ reads this journal. <\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
For those of you who find this note a little too salty let me offer an excuse.  Sort of excuse.<\/font><\/div>\n
That lonely hearts summer I was in Grade 12 at Humberside Collegiate.  Just a normal 17 year<\/font><\/div>\n
old kid.  I did not smoke\u2026thought that was stupid and lost two good friends over the issue. Tell you how.<\/font><\/div>\n
We smoked on the way to school.  I swiped (stole) three Craven A cancer sticks from Fran\u2019s<\/font><\/div>\n
package on the pharmacy counter at Hertell\u2019s Drug Story where I was a 35 cent an hour delivery boy <\/font><\/div>\n
and later a naive store clerk.  Naive?  You bet.  I remember a man sliding up to the counter<\/font><\/div>\n
and whispering. \u201cDo you have any \u2014\u2014mumble\u2014mumble?\u201d  \u201cSorry, did not hear you.??\u201d<\/font><\/div>\n
\u201cDo you have any \u2014 mumble \u2014mumble\u201d?  \u201cCould you speak a little louder?\u201d  \u201cDo you have<\/font><\/div>\n
any vaginal jelly?\u201d  I had never heard of the stuff so yelled to Fran.  \u201cFran, this man wants<\/font><\/div>\n
vaginal jelly, do we have any?\u201d  At this point the man slid lower down the counter and almost hid.<\/font><\/div>\n
Fran got the jelly and said \u201cAlan, do not do that again.\u201d  I did not understand why.  What the <\/font><\/div>\n
hell is  vaginal jelly anyway?  Back to the story. So I swiped three cigarettes from Fran. Figured I would start smoking<\/font><\/div>\n
with Bill R. and Bob T. like other smart ass teen agers.  I lit the Craven A\u2026looked around\u2026and<\/font><\/div>\n
said to myself, \u2018Why the hell am I doing this?\u201d  Gave the other two stolen weeds to Bill and<\/font><\/div>\n
Bob.  Lost them as friends.  They actually got to hate me for some reason.  Broke into my<\/font><\/div>\n
locker and wrote Fuck You over my school books  Scared me really.  \u201cFound a note one day<\/font><\/div>\n
that said \u201cGrant D. whats to fight you over at Western Tech.  Be there after school.\u201d<\/font><\/div>\n
They must have thought I was fucking insane.  Why would I go over there to get the shit knocked<\/font><\/div>\n
out of me? <\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
 Never smoked again except for the odd White Owl Cigar to prove<\/font><\/div>\n
my manhood.  Dad smoked White Owl Invincibles but had to do so with his head out the kitchen <\/font><\/div>\n
window and keep his stash in a little pouch on the clothes line.  Not worth the effort I figured.<\/font><\/div>\n
Mom was quite tolerant except for \u2018those dirty old cigars\u2019.  She was a better mentor I figured.<\/font><\/div>\n
If Dad had known about the fight threat he would have met the boys at Western Tech<\/font><\/div>\n
and knocked the shit out of all of them.  He was tough, a tire builder at Dunlop\u2019s.  I never<\/font><\/div>\n
told him.<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Dad with his White Owl Invincible \u2014 he taught our children how to smoke them when they 7 and 9.  Family picture\u2026we<\/font><\/div>\n
were a very happy family. Never realized we were poor.<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
Mom wanted to join the parents group at our high school.  We did not want her there. I mean why<\/font><\/div>\n
would anyone want their mom or dad sucking around the teachers.  As a student I preferred<\/font><\/div>\n
as much anonymity as possible.  We got mom out of the school when Eric had Mr. Tancock<\/font><\/div>\n
as a home form teacher to which mom was assigned on parents night.  We knew that would<\/font><\/div>\n
lead to trouble when mom asked \u201cHow do you pronounce his name boys?\u201d  We gave<\/font><\/div>\n
her a variety of variations.   She used one of the variations when she met poor Mr Tancock.<\/font><\/div>\n
That got her out of the school.   I Tried to keep in the middle of the pack.  In the long run I<\/font><\/div>\n
failed in that task for the school gave me the Head boy award in Grade 13.  I figured I got it<\/font><\/div>\n
because I joined every club\u2026science, photography, drama, etc\u2026.and every sports team\u2026football,<\/font><\/div>\n
basketball, tennis, swimming, track and field.   That did not mean I was any good.  My tennis <\/font><\/div>\n
career was one game.  What a stupid  sport  that is.  Love this and love that\u2026stupid.  Track and field team<\/font><\/div>\n
was another failure.  Dunc Green the coach put me in the hop, step and jump\u2026another<\/font><\/div>\n
stupid sport.   Swim team?  Fred Burford finally made me the manager because i never<\/font><\/div>\n
learned to breathe doing the crawl.  I could do fairly well for one length but then I was done, near dead.<\/font><\/div>\n
Football?  Fred Burford was a great coach. Showed me how to knock people down.  I got<\/font><\/div>\n
really good at it and eventually made both city All Star teams.  His training did it.  I only played<\/font><\/div>\n
sports to attract the girls.  Later in life I realized the girls did not give a sweet goddamn about<\/font><\/div>\n
football.  They never saw that great shoestring tackle I made on an enemy halfback while playing <\/font><\/div>\n
with my broken hand in a cast that had become all mud.  I had my finger wired up\u2026had to because<\/font><\/div>\n
a son of a bitch on the other team drove his spiked shoes in my hand as I was throwing a great<\/font><\/div>\n
cross body block.  Or maybe it was our own halfback who buggered up my hand as he swept by.<\/font><\/div>\n
My brother got it worse.  Banana Nose from Riverdale spiked his leg in a mud game.  Drove<\/font><\/div>\n
spikes in deep.  filled with mud.  Continued to play.  I remember looking at his leg and felt weak.<\/font><\/div>\n
That night Dr. Greenaway said to me.  \u201cTake this needle and if your brother starts to foam at the mouth<\/font><\/div>\n
(take a fit) ram this into his leg and push the plunger.   Thankfully Eric recovered.  Football was<\/font><\/div>\n
a real man\u2019s game.  I wish the girls knew that.<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Yukon job.  When I got home Marjorie and mom pinned me down beside the pump at the farm<\/font><\/div>\n
and cut off my reddish beard.  <\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
Just a little background for you to understand why Floyd Faulkner called me Fucking Al and why<\/font><\/div>\n
Dr. Paterson hired me for 8 summers of bush life.  Why did he hire me?  Because I would do<\/font><\/div>\n
just about anything.  I loved life. Revelled in experiences.  Was I a F\u2014\u2014\u2014g idiot?  Of course.<\/font><\/div>\n
So were all my friends.  That summer on the Groundhog River made me into a man.  We sliced<\/font><\/div>\n
a piece of the sowbelly every morning to get the blow fly grubs out, then cooked the bacon.  We<\/font><\/div>\n
ate wieners  that were beaded in some god forsaken chemical that oozed out.  I remember we could<\/font><\/div>\n
pick up a wiener with one finger.  The ooze was like glue.  I remember throwing a temper tantrum<\/font><\/div>\n
when I discovered my boy scout belt had pulled the compass needle and buggered up our day\u2019s<\/font><\/div>\n
work trying to reach a forgotten lake using an aerial photograph as a guide.  We had packed<\/font><\/div>\n
everything on our backs\u2026loads so heavy that the pack frames bent into hoops.  In my temper <\/font><\/div>\n
tantrum I hit my blazing axe against every tree I could reach.  And Floyd laughed until tears ran<\/font><\/div>\n
 down his fucking face.  Every 17 year old high school boy should spend a summer in the bush<\/font><\/div>\n
with a guy like Floyd Faulkner.  Once I asked Floyd <\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
\u201cWhy doesn\u2019t Dr. Paterson give us a gun<\/font><\/div>\n
in the bush\u2026bears around all the time.? <\/font><\/div>\n
 \u201cHe has a good reason.\u201d <\/font><\/div>\n
 \u201cWhat is it?\u201d <\/font><\/div>\n
\u201cIf we had a gun,<\/font><\/div>\n
we would shoot each other\u2026right?\u201d <\/font><\/div>\n
\u201cFucking right.\u201d<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
alan skeoch<\/font><\/div>\n
March 26, 2020<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
2)  A NOTE FROM THE OWNER OF STONEHOOKER BREWERY IN PORT CREDIT<\/font><\/div>\n
(Give the beer a try\u2026now selling at drive through at the brewery)<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/div>\n
\n
Jeez Al, you\u2019re my kinda guy.<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
 <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
This sounds like one of my stories, but I have to admit yours is better.<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
 <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
OK \u2013 here\u2019s mine. Brave & Dumb. Like the time I forgot to completely tighten the bolts on an outboard motor in an 11ft boat, and of course didn\u2019t attach the safety chain or cable either. After all, we were only going for a wee spin on a flat lake in March, and there was still ice on the lake. We had just been idling, taking a look at a cottage (my girl & I), then I thought it best to clear out the motor before we headed for the dock, so I took it up on plane and we crossed our own wake, then PROBLEM! The motor jump off the transom and I found myself on-handing a 15hp motor full out as it skipped from side to side ready to jump into the boat with petrified girlfriend. Ahhh!<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
I managed to throttle back the motor before it bounced into the boat and cut us to ribbons, and it stalled as it sank into the lake suspended now only by\u2026 the gas line. My hand was off the throttle by now (out of self-preservation). Out of desperation now considering that the motor was sinking fast, I pulled it up by the gas line and (with strength I didn\u2019t know I had) somehow lifted the outboard back into the boat without tipping us over\u2026. Saved the motor but it was drowned indeed. No falls to be swept over, but we still had to figure out how to get back to the dock (no paddles on board, of course)<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
Exciting stuff.<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
 <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
Fun fact: When you had your incident Al & Marjorie on the Niagara River, it was the same year I was born, 1961. I guess I would have been a few months old at best. <\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
Now we\u2019re too old guys.<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
I\u2019ll be 59 on Tuesday. Not sure how that happened. Means I\u2019ve been 19 for forty years.<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
Looking forward to the sequel, and hoping Stonehooker doesn\u2019t go over the falls. We\u2019re circling around Navy Island, hoping we don\u2019t caught in the weeds\u2026.<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
Drink beer. It\u2019s safer than water.<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
 <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
Ross<\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
\n
 <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
Ross Noel
<\/span>Stonehooker Brewing Co.<\/span><\/b>
ross@stonehooker.com<\/a><\/a>
416-669-7975<\/o:p><\/span><\/font><\/div>\n
Stonehooker.com<\/span><\/a><\/o:p><\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
 <\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
2)  INVENTIVE USE OF TAPE<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
COURTESY OF SAM M.<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

DAY 14 COVID 19 PANDEMIC   MARCH 26, 2020   ALAN SKEOCH I think it is time for a little background information.  Self-centred I admit.  NO one has asked me to continue the Niagara Falls caper which is  just as well since the other two incidents make me look stupid but not as stupid as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4738","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4738","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4738"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4738\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4738"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4738"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4738"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}