{"id":23264,"date":"2023-02-01T14:17:30","date_gmt":"2023-02-01T19:17:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=23264"},"modified":"2023-02-01T14:21:29","modified_gmt":"2023-02-01T19:21:29","slug":"episode-728-stupid-is-as-stupid-does-gsthering-horse-manure-to-grow-mushrooms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=23264","title":{"rendered":"EPISODE 728 STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES—gsthering horse manure to grow mushrooms"},"content":{"rendered":"
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episode 728   STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES—gathering horse manure to grow mushrooms<\/div>\n

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alan skeoch<\/div>\n
Feb.1, 2023<\/div>\n

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<\/div>\n
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\u201cAlan, this is stupid\u2026really dumb.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cGathering all that horse manure\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cNeed about a ton of horse manure , figure.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYou are going to wreck our car\u2026how much does that load on the roof weigh?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cI figure about 400 pounds\u2026.8 x 50\u2026roof should be OK\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cAnd inside the car?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cLess\u2026lots of room for you and the coonhound\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cIf people knew how stupid you can be they must wonder about our marriage.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWait a bit\u2026wait until the spawn arrives.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cSpawn?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWe are going to grow mushrooms in the spring and summer\u2026.Horse manure and mushroom spawn is all we need.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cSomething to do in the winter while you ride your horse\u2026.I will gather up the hoseballs.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWacko!\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cLorne and Carol will let me have the teams horseballs as well. \u2018Road apples\u2019!  Four or five trips to the city<\/div>\n
with loads like this should do it\u2026a ton of horseballs dumped in that big box I\u2019ve built at the back of our lot.<\/div>\n
No one knows\u2026not much smell. Actually I like the smell of horse manure\u2026better than pigs snd cows.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWhat if the neighbours see the car looking like this\u2026roof loaded with horse manure.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWho would believe it?”<\/div>\n

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NOTE:  I spent the month of February that year (1970\u2019s) hauling horse manure from farm to city.  No one asked what was in<\/div>\n
the sacks on the car roof.   Sort of strange as I expected questions.  No police stopped\u2026no neighbour questioned.<\/div>\n
It was winter\u2026February\u2026when most people are indoors.   These were great days.   While Lorne forked manure<\/div>\n
onto his bob sleigh for the horses to haul it to the back field, I rescued the horse dung.  Somewhere I had read<\/div>\n
that horse manure makes great mushrooms.  And that was all I needed.  Recipe?  A ton of horse manure and<\/div>\n
a package of mushroom spores from Dominion Seed House.  Dump the stuff in the box and wait for my <\/div>\n
mushroom crop.<\/div>\n

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Well it did not quite work as planned.  I checked the mushroom coffin regularly\u2026.days and days, weeks and<\/div>\n
weeks.  No mushrooms.  Then around June\u2026months later \u2026there was one tiny little mushroom.  One goddamn<\/div>\n
mushroom!  After all my labour.  Not even sure it was an edible mushroom.  Just like everything else in life,<\/div>\n
mushroom growing demands skill.   That was something I did not have.  <\/div>\n

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Not all was lost.  I loved gathering horse manure in the winter time.  Marjorie would take Spartacus, our estrogen<\/div>\n
gelding, up and down the fifth line.  We rescued him from certain death.   Those estrogen mares were chained up<\/div>\n
in barns with tubes hooked to their arses to gather their urine.  Why?  For Birth control pills.  Terrible life for those<\/div>\n
mares.  Had to be pregnant mares for some reason. Their colts were of no use.  We rescued Sparky.  Called<\/div>\n
him Spartacus after the slave in Roman history.<\/div>\n

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Imagine this wagon filled to the brim with manure destined for the far field.  Imagine<\/div>\n
sitting on top of  the load bouncing along to the team\u2019s version of Jingle Bells.<\/div>\n
Sweet memories.<\/div>\n

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On some clear sunny winter days I even got a chance to ride across the snow clad fields with the loads<\/div>\n
of manure.   I think Lorne just kept the horses for that purpose.  And he was pleased that we could do the<\/div>\n
manure spring together.  He never charged me for the horse manure.  I thought it was free but now realize<\/div>\n
it was a money crop that made the fields more productive.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Bottom line?   I was a total failure as a mushroom grower.  That puny little mushroom in the plywood <\/div>\n
coffin was never harvested.   Our car, A Renault 15, did have a special aroma.  Maybe I should have<\/div>\n
sent a note to France telling the car company to add a sentence in their brochure.  \u201cThis car can<\/div>\n
carry 400 pounds of horse manure on its roof without denting.\u201d<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
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Suppose Marjorie had married the Lawyers son in North Bay?  Could he have<\/div>\n
given her a better life.  I think not.<\/div>\n

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Marjorie had many boyfriends.  I met most of them.  One even proposed to her at university.  She refused<\/div>\n
gracefully because she liked me better\u2026a bit better.   Now that, I realize, is hard to understand.  Some women<\/div>\n
marry with the expectation they can change their husbands.   Marjorie never did this.   Even when<\/div>\n
our car, house, clothes  had the faint smell of horse manure.<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Was the mushroom failure the only failure in our lives?  Not so.  There were many failures.  I built a<\/div>\n
barn on the farm..it collapsed.   I tried to make maple syrup using a Forth line forest.  Some son of a <\/div>\n
bitch shot our pails of the trees.  We accepted a contract to grow cucumbers for Manthew Wells Rose<\/div>\n
Brand pickles company of Guelph.  We were laughed at and lost our investment.  The company wanted <\/div>\n
gherkins and we produced crooks and nubs and cucumbers as long as your arm\u2026all of which were<\/div>\n
dumped.  Our payment for months of labour was less that $50.   Our investment in a tractor and our<\/div>\n
labour was a couple of thousand dollars.  A failure.  Even the tractor, a well used Farmal A, was a disaster<\/div>\n
as I forgot to put anti freeze in the radiator and the hard winter cracked the block.  Scrap.  I loved that<\/div>\n
tractor.  Lots of failures in my life\u2026in our lives.  You would think I (we) would learn from these failures.<\/div>\n
We never did.  That\u2019s what farmers must feel as their glowing expectations turn into broken dreams.<\/div>\n

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These fine bred horses did not come from Estrogen barns.  They came from fine mares and stallions.  Spartacus was not that lucky.<\/div>\n

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\u201cAlan, you have given readers we are total failures at everything.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cRight.  We have had more success raising kids and dogs.    But<\/div>\n
readers like failures.  More human.  Everybody fails at one time or<\/div>\n
another.  <\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
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“If they do not fail.  Have continual success in life.  Guess what happens to them?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cI do not know.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cNeither do I.\u201d<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
alan skeoch<\/div>\n
ev. 1, 2023<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\u201cMarjorie, there seems to be a funny smell in the car these days\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cLook at the roof.”<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

episode 728   STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES—gathering horse manure to grow mushrooms alan skeoch Feb.1, 2023 \u201cAlan, this is stupid\u2026really dumb.\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cGathering all that horse manure\u201d \u201cNeed about a ton of horse manure , figure.\u201d \u201cYou are going to wreck our car\u2026how much does that load on the roof weigh?\u201d \u201cI figure about […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23264","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=23264"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23264\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=23264"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=23264"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=23264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}