{"id":22448,"date":"2022-10-17T11:12:13","date_gmt":"2022-10-17T15:12:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=22448"},"modified":"2022-10-17T11:13:24","modified_gmt":"2022-10-17T15:13:24","slug":"episode-659-marjorie-help-me-off-the-bathroom-floor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=22448","title":{"rendered":"EPISODE 659 “MARJORIE ! HELP ME OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR”"},"content":{"rendered":"

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On Oct 17, 2022, at 10:58 AM, ALAN SKEOCH <alan.skeoch@rogers.com<\/a><\/a>> wrote:<\/div>\n


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EPISODE 659    “MARJORIE !  HELP ME GET OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR\u201d<\/p>\n

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alan skeoch<\/div>\n
Oct. 16,2022<\/div>\n

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\u201cMarjorie!   need help!  Slipped and fell on bathroom floor.  My good leg is under the bathtub.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cUse your arms\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cToo weak..useless\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cJust about got out of the bathtub.  Floor mat must have slipped and I tumbled.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cHurt?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cNo but trapped.  Arms and legs useless.  My good right leg under the tub.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cMust be the antibiotic.\u201d<\/div>\n

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HOW DID IT COME TO THIS\u2026.SPLAYED NUDE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR?<\/div>\n

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Started with a chipped tooth. Seemed minor problem just needed a filling,  Then my <\/div>\n
dentist said he should take an Xray to check for infection.<\/div>\n

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\u201cInfection under the tooth\u2019<\/div>\n
“Choice?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cExtraction will affect your appearance.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cOther option?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cRoot Canal\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cCan you do the root canal now\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cYes\u201d<\/div>\n

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Seemed a good idea.  Vanity trumped extraction.  Two hours later it was done and seemed OK.<\/div>\n
Some pain and sponginess but that would pass for sure.  Surely.  Well, it did not work and the  pain<\/div>\n
increased.  Bearable but present.   <\/div>\n

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What followed were two nights watching the clock move slowly, minute by minute, hour by hour\u2026.<\/div>\n
until daybreak.\u2019<\/div>\n

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My dentist phoned to see how I was even on his day off.  <\/div>\n

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\u201cNot good\u2026tooth seems wobbly\u2026.cannot eat\u2026.cannot sleep\u2026pull the bastard.<\/div>\n
\u201cLet me get you an antibiotic to kill the infection.”<\/div>\n
\u201cIs it dangerous?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cCommon.  Amoxicillin\u2019<\/div>\n

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GOD that stuff is strong.  Three pills with food, three time a day. Pretty well knocked me<\/div>\n
out.  So I spent the next two days in bed.  Scrambling occasionally to the washroom.<\/div>\n
I did not realize how weak I was getting until I fell to the floor on one trip to the washroom.<\/div>\n
Hard to get up which was strange.  <\/div>\n

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\u201cwhat you need is a good hot bath.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cPain in my mouth has diminished.  Can eat soft food… like soup.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cFine.  You have a shower and I\u2019ll get some easy food.  Want Jello?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cyes.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cBetter to take a shower other than a bath.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cLove my bathtub\u2026to hell with the shower.”<\/div>\n

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So I crawled carefully from bed to bathroom.  Stripped and gingerly slid into our cast iron<\/div>\n
bathtub. Felt good.   But I was really weak.  And now a bad head cold began.  Damn<\/div>\n
head cold!  Just waiting to get me when i could not fight back.  <\/div>\n

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\u201cDon\u2019t get out of the tub until I am there.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll be fine.\u201d  What did Marjorie think I was..some kind of pansy?<\/div>\n
Placed both hands on the bathtub rim and lifted.  Got up a little but arms failed me <\/div>\n
and I fell back.  Tried again and again until I was up.  Both arms and legs were <\/div>\n
failing me when I needed them most.  Bastards!<\/div>\n

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Got one leg out of the tub.  Then moved the other.  Not sure what happened next.<\/div>\n
Did the bathmat slip ?  Or did my legs and arms refuse to help me?  Perhaps both.<\/div>\n
So there i was flat on the bathroom floor with one leg under the tub and calling<\/div>\n
for Marjorie.<\/div>\n

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\u201cMarjorie, I fell.\u201d<\/div>\n

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Try putting an imaginary body between the tub and the door\u2026one had to be moved<\/div>\n
for Marjorie to Wedge her way into the bathroom where she found a stark<\/div>\n
nude husband in grave difficulty on the floor. Only the nude was movable. Maybe.<\/div>\n

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\u201cCan\u2019t get the door open.  You are in the way.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cMaybe I can slide over a bit.  There.  Can you help me up?\u201d<\/div>\n

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She tried and tried but no luck. I weigh 215 pounds stark naked.  My arms refused<\/div>\n
to let me drag my leg from under the tub.  I really did not care that I was naked. Just<\/div>\n
wanted to get back to bed if possible.<\/div>\n

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\u201cLet me get a chair for you to grip. \u201c<\/div>\n
\u201cNo good”<\/div>\n
\u201cSit on it\u2026keep it steady.  No strength in my arms.\u201d<\/div>\n
Inch by inch I moved but not enough.  Finally  I could get my arms<\/div>\n
around the toilet bowl.   It was imovable.  Just what I needed to<\/div>\n
help me drag my good leg from beneath the tub.  Hands and knees now<\/div>\n
but the sons of bitches would not help me.  Marjorie pushed and pulled.<\/div>\n

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\u201cTry crawling on hands and knees to the bedroom. \u201c<\/div>\n
\u201cCan\u2019t .  No strength.  Let me use the toilet bowl now to lever myself up.<\/div>\n
There, standing but wobbly.  Just enough strength to make it to the bed,\u201d<\/div>\n

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The goddamn head cold was gaining on me.  Fever.  But <\/div>\n
my mouth pain had diminished to almost nothing.  Jello and not much else but<\/div>\n
had to eat something according to the label on the antibiotic container.<\/div>\n
Soup.  Mary brought over her home made chicken broth.  Her husband was in<\/div>\n
bed with the same cold. Molly sent muffins.  <\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n


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How many other enemies will try to get me now?<\/div>\n

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Just the thought of getting to the bathroom again was a nightmare.  But I did<\/div>\n
it.   Drank so much water that my kidneys must have been floating.  Inch by inch<\/div>\n
made the way to the toilet bowl which I now considered a saviour .<\/div>\n

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What would have happened if I was alone.?  NO Marjorie to help me. ‘Alone, alone<\/div>\n
all all alone’ on the bathroom floor.  That must happened to lots pf  people,  Hopefully<\/div>\n
they had the emergency necklace and can get a burly fireman to lift them<\/div>\n
back to bed.  I have Marjorie and the toilet bowl who did the job.<\/div>\n

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\u201cAlan, Oct, 16, 2022, that is your birthday.\u201d<\/div>\n

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\u201cAnd that is how I spent by 84th year on planet Earth.<\/div>\n

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alan skeoch<\/div>\n
Oct. 16, 2022<\/div>\n

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P.S.   My dentist phoned every day.   He was concerned.  \u201cCan you come in<\/div>\n
on Monday .  Just to get some X-rays to see if there is any other infection.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cNo, can\u2019t. Otherwise I will just spread this head cold to everyone.  Others<\/div>\n
do not need to share my pain\u201d  <\/div>\n

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That sounds very noble of me.  But really means nothing because I wrote<\/div>\n
this story just to ensure all readers shared my pait.  Hardly a noble act.<\/div>\n

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On Oct 17, 2022, at 10:58 AM, ALAN SKEOCH <alan.skeoch@rogers.com> wrote: EPISODE 659    “MARJORIE !  HELP ME GET OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR\u201d alan skeoch Oct. 16,2022 <IMG_2189.jpg> \u201cMarjorie!   need help!  Slipped and fell on bathroom floor.  My good leg is under the bathtub.\u201d \u201cUse your arms\u201d \u201cToo weak..useless\u201d \u201cWhat happened?\u201d \u201cJust about got […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22448","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22448","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22448"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22448\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22448"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22448"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22448"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}