{"id":1321,"date":"2018-07-25T18:24:59","date_gmt":"2018-07-25T22:24:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=1321"},"modified":"2018-10-28T13:51:51","modified_gmt":"2018-10-28T17:51:51","slug":"silent-combat-on-a-boeing-777","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/?p=1321","title":{"rendered":"Silent combat on a Boeing 777"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

SILENT COMBAT ON A \u00a0BOEING 777<\/p>\n

alan skeoch<\/div>\n
July 24, 2018<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cOur seats \u00a0are in there?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cFine, let me get up.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\"New\"Air<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Two matronly looking \u00a0British ladies would be my seat mates from \u00a0London, England \u00a0to Toronto, Ontario\u2026a 7 hour flight.\u00a0 Marjorie and \u00a0I had aisle seats. The plane was \u00a0packed, every seat taken\u2026up to 400 people can be crammed into the Air Canada \u00a0Boeing 777. \u00a0Certainly \u00a0more than \u00a0300 on board today, Hence the term \u2018flying \u00a0sardine can\u2019 has been a popular moniker for the<\/div>\n
Air Canada Boeing 777. \u00a0Would \u00a0our trip be crowded \u00a0but pleasant\u2026or crowded and \u00a0living hell?<\/div>\n
Certainly \u00a0crowded.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n

<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\u201cThis is going to be Bad.”\u00a0 My \u00a0gut decision as \u00a0the two shouldered me aside and \u00a0settled \u00a0into their seats. \u00a0Both reminded \u00a0me \u00a0of a Giles cartoon.<\/div>\n
The rather large lady in the centre, lit the panic \u00a0light in my brain right from the get go.<\/div>\n
She had a \u00a0large pack sack\u2026like a potato sack. \u00a0Filled \u00a0with who knows what but it was big and bulky. \u00a0Top loaded for a \u00a0reason. \u201cIf it\u2019s free, \u00a0it\u2019s for me!\u201d should \u00a0have been<\/div>\n
painted \u00a0on the sack.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cCan I stow your bag up above for you?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cNo\u2026need it down here.\u201d<\/div>\n
And she wedged \u00a0the sack between her feet \u00a0which \u00a0meant her feet spread out<\/div>\n
into my seat space. \u00a0We had \u00a0no conversation from that point on\u2026never talked.<\/div>\n
Just carried on a silent relentless war.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
We played \u00a0a war game call \u00a0\u201cYou elbow me and \u00a0I\u2019ll elbow you right back\u201d<\/div>\n
as we duelled \u00a0for space on the mutual seat arm. \u00a0I should \u00a0mention that Air Canada<\/div>\n
has managed \u00a0to wedge 10 seats \u00a0across each row \u00a0(window 3 seats \u00a0seats aisle 4 seats aisle 3 seats window)<\/div>\n
That is one hell of a \u00a0lot of human flesh per row. And it also \u00a0means sharing the 3 inch<\/div>\n
wide seat arm.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Sharing would \u00a0be bad enough but Maisie (invented \u00a0name \u00a0as \u00a0we never talked) was<\/div>\n
determined to get the seat arm all to herself.. \u00a0 Immediately I \u00a0was \u00a0aware of Her hot shoulder and \u00a0sharpened elbow…<\/div>\n
Pushing. \u00a0No give. \u00a0She \u00a0was spreading out like a \u00a0mother hen does when hatching eggs.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
For the next seven goddamn hours we duked it out for dominance. \u00a0I \u00a0held my own for most of the time<\/div>\n
but it was not easy. \u00a0 If I eased up on the pressure \u00a0she pushed \u00a0me into full retreat mode. \u00a0So I kept<\/div>\n
up the same pressure. \u00a0The Cold \u00a0War. Reaching for a book or newspaper was out of the question \u00a0To reach is \u00a0to<\/div>\n
surrender. \u00a0To soften \u00a0the clenched arm and hand \u00a0is invite border aggression. \u00a0Border?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Wrong word. \u00a0There was no border. \u00a0Only that thin 3 inch wide stretch of No Man\u2019s Land.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Maisie and \u00a0her friend<\/div>\n
had planned their trip well. \u00a0They were gamers. \u00a0Computer gamers. \u00a0Perhaps \u00a060 to 70 years \u00a0old \u00a0but gamers all<\/div>\n
the same. \u00a0Their first hour was spent bashing the screen while \u00a0playing Soduki. \u00a0Each time she pounded<\/div>\n
the screen her arm hovered over into my air space. \u00a0That gave me \u00a0a chance to regain some of my arm rest. I<\/div>\n
thought mistakenly. \u00a0The hovering arm was \u00a0always \u00a0slammed down on top of mine.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
For the duration of the trip \u00a0she stared \u00a0at her friend \u00a0or straight ahead. \u00a0 She knew we were at war.<\/div>\n
And \u00a0I became aware of her conscious aggression when the stewardess brought us drinks.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cI\u2019d \u00a0like the wine and a glass \u00a0of the fizzy stuff.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I did \u00a0not know Maisie really hated \u00a0me until the fizzy \u00a0stuff incident. \u00a0While she \u00a0was stowing the wine in<\/div>\n
her potato sack along with the 5 creamers for her coffee and who knows \u00a0what else. \u00a0While she was<\/div>\n
doing this, the stewardess asked,<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cWould you \u00a0pass this \u00a0glass of \u00a0Sprite to your seat mate?\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I winced \u00a0at the term seat mate.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cSure.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Then Maisie got really aggressive.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cDid his lips touch \u00a0my drink?\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
She hated \u00a0me. \u00a0 The feeling became openly mutual from that point on. \u00a0We jostled flesh against flesh like some<\/div>\n
medieval battle. \u00a0She pushed\u2026I pushed\u2026she \u00a0pushed \u00a0I pushed. \u00a0 The arm rest could\u2019ve been a barbed wire fence.<\/div>\n
Correction. \u00a0That miserable sliver of an arm rest<\/div>\n
\u2018Should’ \u00a0have been a barbed wire fence.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I tried \u00a0to keep my mind occupied thinking of nice things in life\u2026like a \u00a0walk in Coldfall Park in London, or \u00a0 cool pint<\/div>\n
of dark ale in a \u00a0pub where great people haVE \u00a0socialized or even my walk through the wild \u00a0wilderness \u00a0St. Pancras graveyard…<\/div>\n
While at the same time keeping pressure flesh to flesh on my seat mate. \u00a0Hate that word seat mate.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Things \u00a0went from bad \u00a0to worse. \u00a0But she won. \u00a0At least I think it was her. \u00a0 She resorted \u00a0to chemical warfare just as<\/div>\n
our plane \u00a0entered \u00a0North American \u00a0air space. \u00a0She broke wind. \u00a0Farted. \u00a0And it was vile. \u00a0You might ask \u2018How did you<\/div>\n
know it was her? \u00a0Could \u00a0have been anyone packed \u00a0in that flying sardine can. \u00a0I knew. \u00a0I knew. \u00a0The way<\/div>\n
she set her mouth in satisfaction.It was one of those silent but \u00a0deadly gas jets. \u00a0I don\u2019t see how she \u00a0aimed the gas<\/div>\n
at me. \u00a0But that was when I \u00a0gave up the \u00a0battle.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I unclipped myself and \u00a0took a long stroll to the washroom where I was \u00a0certain \u00a0the air would \u00a0be better. \u00a0First<\/div>\n
washroom about midway down the 777 had a tape across. \u00a0Out of Order. \u00a0At the very back there<\/div>\n
were two others. \u00a0I chose the one of the left with the short \u00a0lineup. \u00a0Unwise. \u00a0Inside that washroom<\/div>\n
was a teen age boy throwing up. \u00a0He called \u00a0for his \u00a0mother and she joined \u00a0him as he harrumphed \u00a0his<\/div>\n
dinner.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u00a0While waiting I \u00a0practiced \u00a0my \u00a0therapy lesson in an effort to relieve my torn Achilles tendon,<\/div>\n
something I gained from a previous trip to England months earlier when I failed \u00a0to notice an \u00a0infinity ramp.<\/div>\n
Like an infinity pool that creates \u00a0the illusion of \u00a0stepping off into space. \u00a0I stepped off \u00a0into space<\/div>\n
and \u00a0ended up mashed severely. \u00a0So my recovery entailed \u00a0standing on one foot then the other. \u00a0While<\/div>\n
doing this \u00a0the male steward began \u00a0to worry I \u00a0was about to take a \u00a0leak on his floor.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cCome this \u00a0way, \u00a0sir,\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cMe?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cyes, sir, you have been standing here the longest.\u201d<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
And he ushered me into the last operating washroom in economy class. \u00a0 300 people and \u00a0one functioning can.<\/div>\n
Several women lined up for this washroom. \u00a0I had been given precedence.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\u201cCould it be true?\u201d \u00a0I asked \u00a0myself as \u00a0I slipped the latch on the door.<\/div>\n
\u201cCould \u00a0it be true that Maisie was the person who had \u00a0been next in line? \u00a0Could \u00a0it be a \u00a0small victory for me?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Sadly it was not. \u00a0Maisie was in her seat. \u00a0Her flesh covered \u00a0the arm rest. \u00a0Was there a smirk on her face?<\/div>\n
I \u00a0could not be sure. \u00a0The war continued but only half heartedly. \u00a0She won. In submission, like \u00a0some priest committing his life to others, I angled \u00a0my body \u00a0into the aisle<\/div>\n
where the food carts slammed \u00a0into me and \u00a0people rushing to the washroom baffed \u00a0me. \u00a0Between blows,<\/div>\n
I resorted to reading the Manchester Guardian, a liberal \u00a0newspaper. \u00a0I was convinced the person \u00a0beside me<\/div>\n
was \u00a0a Trump supporter. \u00a0 I gritted my deeth. \u00a0But took solace in the belief that good \u00a0will triumph over evil in time as<\/div>\n
Tennyson said, \u201cWe can but hope that somehow good \u00a0will be the final goal of ill.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Touchdown was \u00a0a great relief.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
alan skeoch<\/div>\n
July \u00a024, 2018<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
P.S. \u00a0I do not know how they did it. \u00a0Both Maisie and \u00a0her friend \u00a0managed \u00a0to exit the plane ahead of us. \u00a0To do<\/div>\n
that they would \u00a0have to push us aside. \u00a0But they did it. \u00a0Their victory was \u00a0total.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
PPS \u00a0One of the features of Giles cartoons was \u00a0a really bitchy old \u00a0grandmother. \u00a0I thought of her on the flight.<\/div>\n
That is \u00a0her with the gun in the cartoon below. \u00a0 MAISIE DID NOT HAVE A \u00a0GUN. \u00a0I could be \u00a0wrong, that sack<\/div>\n
was big \u00a0enough for a gun.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SILENT COMBAT ON A \u00a0BOEING 777 alan skeoch July 24, 2018 \u201cOur seats \u00a0are in there?\u201d \u201cFine, let me get up.\u201d Two matronly looking \u00a0British ladies would be my seat mates from \u00a0London, England \u00a0to Toronto, Ontario\u2026a 7 hour flight.\u00a0 Marjorie and \u00a0I had aisle seats. The plane was \u00a0packed, every seat taken\u2026up to 400 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1321","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1321"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1321\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1631,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1321\/revisions\/1631"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1321"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1321"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanskeoch.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1321"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}