Nov. 16, 2017

“Are you physically active Marjorie?”, asked Mary, her  nurse at Toronto Western Hospital.
“Well, let me  put it this  way.  See that man over there, my  husband.    He does not know how to start the  washing machine or the dryer.   “

“Hardly surprising, Marjorie,”

“Nor the stove, nor the lawn mower,,,”
“And you married him? The lout…”
“…Nor make the bed…nor turn out the lights…nor lock the car…nor lock the door…nor walk the dog…”
“Yes,  you are  active…just super.”
“And he takes pride in the fact he has never started a BBQ nor has he ever carved a roast or made a pie.”
“Is that him reading the paper over there?”
“Yes , he reads the paper but not the big words….”
“Little wonder you had to get two new titanium knees  from Dr. Ghandi.:
“Marjorie, your new knees are terrific.  It has now been two years…perfect.”
“Will the titanium wear our?”
“No, never does…indestructible.”
“Alan  will be pleased.  Little likelihood  he will face up to housework.”
“Any other complaints?”
“Let me close  my eyes and count the ways…remember the poem  ‘How much do I love thee’?
“Well  he  has lately been  putting the cat out…good sign…sort of”
“Sort of, yes,  he’s  a photographer and says he is using the cat for bait so he can get closeup pictures of the coyote out back.”
“But then again, he did  drive you down here to the Toronto Western Hospital.”
“yes, suppose  so…but guess where he is now?”
“No idea.”
“Over in Kensington Market taking pictures of the graffiti laden walls and fences.”
“Marjorie, you could do a  lot better…get rid of him…i notice there are two men
who are very interested  in you.  Tell Alan to take a hike.”
“Can either of those fellows cook, vacuum, mow, do laundry…”
“Yes,  they can do all of that…and they love dogs and cats.”
“Too bad…cannot marry  them.”
“Why not?”
“You said my knees were top shape because I keep active…well, Alan, keeps me active…”
“Marjorie, Marjorie, Marjorie…:
“Now ladies, titanium knees only work if you keep active. My new knees seem fine.”
“Why is that?”
“I credit my husband…over there with the camera.”
“Isn’t that sweet…”
“He has never done a lick of housework in his life…a real prize.  Without him I would be hobbling around with a cane and walker.”
“Where can we find a  man like that?”
“Pretty well anywhere actually…”
“Watch this  ladies.  ‘ Alan, Dr Ghandi says you should help with the cooking…”
“Love to, but cannot  figure out those goddamn dials.”
“Oh, yes , I forgot about that.
Aside to ladies  “Listen to his reasons.”
“You know I am  left handed…all those machines are made  for right handed people.  You find me a left handed stove and a left handed washing machine then I can help you.  As  it stands…with my left handed deformity…I am a danger in the kitchen.  I could set the house on fire.  Same applies to the washer and the dryer…even the lawn mower.”
“what a stupid comment, Marjorie,” says Lady Number 1
“Not stupid…true.  He thinks high is low and low is high…really could set the house  on fire.  Even driving is a problem as he turns on the wipers when making a left turn.”
“What about those two men who you met …”
“Both say they are left handed.”
“How could that be?  That does not fit the law  of averages.”
“Simple answer”
“Both of those guys were talking to Alan while I  was with the nurse.”
“Why the lout!!!”
“Love him in spite of his deformity… He  keeps me  healthy.”


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